First Time Story Comments

Read and just commented on “The Office” (enjoyed), so am returning to this piece — not sure why I didn’t comment initially because I thought the piece intriguing. Bit surprised by some comments, because I found the first person approach easy to follow while it sustained/even escalated...

The back and forth of now I'm male now I'm female destroys any continuity, and thus any interest. That, combined with the lack of character(s) and lack of tension makes this a futile read, I'm afraid. I'd start all over again, past tense, one narrator, and a more interesting plot.

Nice piece of writing. Good for all of them

1

Well written but the knowing there was a husband sitting at home while she was fucking some kid ruined it for me.

FTDS

One of the best’s stories on Literotica. Great read

hot

BTW: This is written in second person, which is stupid because it's like telling the subject what they already know because they lived through it.

It is a great story it runs parallel with with happened to my dating life for some of the time. brought me back to a kinder gentler time.Remembering all the firsts, and wonderful memories of being a teen

Rapierwit24601, I appreciate your feedback and insight. I agree with your comments and if I were writing a novel which I've done previously I would definitely follow your second comment but these short stories I post here are strictly for entertainment. They can be used by the reader...

Ah, a true cumming of age story! 😂

Author notes that the story is written 1st person. It's damn confusing when the 1st person keeps switching.

Hate stories written first person. Use names not pronouns!

Hate first person stories. It's impersonal. I like stories with names, not pronouns! J/S.

The nerd gets the hot cheerleader. Every average guy's dream. And he was her first - and only I guess. Let's hope there's no cheating and she remains an actual loving wife, just to complete the fantasy. :)

Well done. Teanage angst to the next level.

masterful

This kind of second person narrative makes me crazy. Narrator cannot possibly know what I'm thinking, nor what I'm doing when I'm not there. And telling me things that have happened to me, or that I've already done is an annoying waste of time. Why would you do that? I cut bait after...

This was very enjoyable as an erotic story. It could be a better story with a little editing. Too many minor, inconsequential details and explanations.

I like your detailed decriptions. You are a very talented writer. Keep writing, please.

You’re a noob, so I’ll be gentile.

Present tense is BY FAR the worst way for an amateur writer to structure a story. Many pros have failed at that. Past tense is simpler and more natural for writer and reader.

Backstory, subtext and prior character development go along way to...

Thank you for your detailed analysis.

Kindly have a read of my other story too. I would love to hear your comments and feedback on that too.

Warm regards

I really like this story, and hope you wiwll continue it

Really very well written and extremely arousing. A lovely description of awakening.

Great story. Loved it. Please write more in the same theme. Maybe she can tell a friend who will become interested in gloryholes.

Fantastic and erotic story. Why do we not have another chapter about these two and their new relationship? So many possibilities for a fun and erotic story.

If you don't write professionally you could do. Very humane, perfect ending.

I just love how we get ignored for months and months, then Chole arrives to apologize and promises to update us frequently and then says the next chapter is nigh on done, only to vanish again and leave us hanging.

She treats us with utter disdain!

Such a beautiful encounter 💘

Wow, cant wait to read on... More of this exchange, Please!

I can only Dream of Me, being the young lad....

having the memory of 'The Older' Lady's attention before, this really sent me over the top.

Wow. What can I say? All four previous comments were spot on. You obviously proofread your work. This was a pleasure to read. Great description of first time sex where the woman did take charge without being over bearing. She was his teacher when she needed to be, but was savvy...

What a fantastic story. I think the BEST I have ever read. Congratulations.