Life After Love Ch. 03

Tiffany refused to pull away either, and our kiss grew and built into wild zeal and then we slipped out of our clothes and made love like never before. Amidst the passion and the pleasure, I realized how much Tiffany loved me. Maybe it started with an early gold digging infatuation, maybe not. But right now I could feel how much she cared. After pining after my ex-wife, Saya, even Lauren: all women I adored but who didn't completely love me back, Tiffany was amazing to me. Here was lifelong happiness trying to chase ME down. All I had to do was stop and accept it. When a woman loves you this much, how could I refuse?

But is that reason enough?

***

I had some time alone with Lauren, Tiffany had gone to the fitness center to get a non-coital workout. I cornered Lauren, and kissed her gently on the bed. We made out for a brief while, and she was fully cooperative.

Eventually, our clothes came off and we fucked away to our hearts content. But this time, when I came deep into her belly, I simply lay there and let my forehead rest against hers, my eyes closed. I didn't want this feeling to end. No matter how much Tiffany felt for me, I wanted Lauren more than anything. I didn't want my body to separate from hers. I wanted to be inside of Lauren for the rest of my life. But I knew she could stop and push me away in a heartbeat.

She finally stopped and asked, "What is it?"

I looked at her, surprisingly finding tears in my own eyes. "Why won't you open up to me?"

"I told you why. I can't let myself be hurt again." She tried to look away.

All the emotions and scattered speculations came together in my mind. This was my breaking point. This was the moment when I decided either to accept Lauren's wishes and accept Tiffany's love, or take a risk and admit what my heart desired above all else. "Lauren, I LOVE you."

It was the first time I had ever told her that. Previously, I'd only said it to one woman in my entire life, my ex-wife. Even after all my time and attachment to Saya, I never went so far as to say those words. But now I said them, and I meant it. I loved Lauren. Unfortunately, none of that mattered if she didn't believe or didn't care. Even I could hear the desperation in my own voice. What would it take to make her see?

Lauren refused to look me in the eye. "Get off me." Her voice cracked when she said it. Then she held back a sniffle to prevent the tears tugging at her eyes.

I didn't move.

"I said, get off me!" and she pushed me off of her then went into the bathroom to clean herself up.

I followed her. "Lauren, I would never hurt you, never abandon you. You've seen the person I am, I'm not that kind of person."

She let out a heavy sigh, still facing away from me with her head hung low. "I know. And I don't think you would either. But I told myself I wouldn't ever get trapped again." She pulled a bathrobe over her naked body, her bangs a little messy and hiding half of her face. But her blue eyes glinted at me from behind the veiled curtain. She stared at me for a long time while I searched for the right words, then she huffed and grabbed my lounge pants, tossing them at me while marching back into the bedroom.

Stalling for time, I put them on and then we sat down on the bed. She pulled her bathrobe tighter, hiding her cleavage and staring off into space. When I looked up into her eyes they were more liquid and moist than I had ever seen before. Lauren had never truly cried in front of me.

"If you won't accept me, then why are you here? Tiffany clearly wants me, but I want you. Why were you even challenging her?"

"Because I had my own decisions to make." She rolled her eyes at me. Clearly, there was something I wasn't getting and it annoyed her. "Sometimes you can be so, so MALE! You think this is just about you choosing between me and her? This was for ME. To get away from my life. And for me to decide if I wanted you or not!"

"And?"

"And, and... I made my decision." The waver in Lauren's voice betrayed her. She was trying to convince herself as much as convince me. I'd heard that same waver in my own logic too many times in the past few days. "You should be with Tiffany. She'll make you happier. She doesn't have the emotional baggage. And that way I can't be hurt."

"I don't believe you." I didn't WANT to believe her. For a brief moment, I was suddenly angry with her for jerking me around like this. Clearly she wanted me. Clearly I wanted her. But her insecurities and abandonment issues threatened to be a serious pain in the ass. And on the other hand, Tiffany was waiting for me with love and open arms.

"If you can't let go of your fear, if you can't let me in, then yes, I should be with Tiffany." I got up, my eyes moist and blazing fire at the same time. I made my choice, but it takes two to be in a relationship. And Lauren just couldn't cross that line. "I would never have hurt you. And I promise I will always be your friend. I love you, Lauren." I turned to walk out the door.

Lauren burst out bawling. The girl who never really let her feelings out was suddenly sobbing in anguish. I stopped and turned around.

"God dammit, I love you, too!" Lauren screamed so loud I was sure she announced it to the whole world. And then she was suddenly shaking violently and crying and she collapsed against the bed. I was suddenly beside her, holding her tightly as she trembled and wailed at the top of her lungs, an explosion of emotion I didn't know was possible.

It seemed like forever that Lauren kept crying and whispering "I love you" to me while staring off into space, half believing that she was saying it even though every word rang true. I nuzzled her with my nose and responded "I love you, too" every time she said it.

"I'll never abandon you," I told her with finality, putting as much confidence and reassurance into it as I could.

She was still staring off into space when she finally asked, "What the FUCK took you so long?!" She got up and glared at me like the whole thing was my fault. "You could have done this months ago!"

"But you said you wanted to be friends. You said that I was not allowed to fall in love with you. So I've been trying to do what you asked."

"God, dammit. You're such a GUY. Don't listen to the WORDS, listen to ME!" Lauren yelled at me as loud as I've ever heard her, almost louder than her profession of love. Her eyes welled up with fresh tears.

I stared at her, dumbfounded. What she had just said made no sense. And I was too emotionally drained to figure it out. Love them or not, I'll never quite understand women.

Lauren got up and started pacing around the room, not seeing anything but just babbling. "I started falling in love with you from the very beginning. Maybe it was because I was on the rebound, but the feelings were still there. But I've already been hurt so many times by the people who were supposed to love me." The tears had started streaking down her cheeks. "I didn't want to put my neck on the line unless I was sure. Abandonment issues, remember?"

I remembered. But I just let her keep talking, to let it all out.

"And then there was Saya. Sweet, sweet girl. But I knew all along that she wasn't going to settle down and marry you. So I stuck around, even joined in just so I could be a part of your life. And then she was gone, and I figured, now it's my chance to see if you might love me. After all our time together, you never once betrayed me or tried to keep me out of your life." She looked at me with sweet relief when she said that last sentence.

I couldn't resist any longer from sweeping her into my arms and holding her to me. She wept for a few moments against my chest, then pushed herself away. I could see in her eyes that her brain was racing and she had to let this all out. "So I suggested taking off, just the two of us, our own little vacation. And then we could fall in love."

I couldn't stop from interjecting, "The whole time telling me I was not allowed to fall in love with you."

She nodded but kept going. "And then there was Tiffany, latched onto you tighter than anything. Most other girls would have left if they caught you in bed with me. She just joined right in. Seriously, Tiffany wants you even more than you wanted Saya."

Tears still in her eyes, Lauren looked up and started laughing. "You wanted Saya. Saya wanted to go home. Tiffany wanted you. The whole time I wanted you. But I couldn't let myself have you. I didn't know if you really wanted me. It was too much of a risk. So I was going to let Tiffany have you."

Suddenly Lauren put her hands over her eyes. "Oh, Tiffany! How can I do this to her?"

A new voice interrupted, bitter but calm. "It's okay. I get it. She always wanted him. He always wanted her. I'd rather not be someone's consolation prize anyways."

"Tiffany!" I said, amazed. I turned around and she was standing in the doorway from the living area. "How long were you there?"

"I was just coming in when Lauren screamed out that she loved you. After that, I guess you both were too distracted to notice me. Kind of a recurring theme." She looked at Lauren. "I realize now that he's always wanted you more."

Tiffany stalked into the room, her eyes on fire, staring right at me. "Tell me the truth: When I found out about your vacation, were you REALLY planning to take me with you and her?"

Defeated, I said "No."

"I never had a chance, did I? And PLEASE, this time, be honest and spare me the long, drawn out pain." Tiffany stared at me with a hard look.

I stared at the floor. "Yes, you did. Lauren and I had a lot of emotional baggage to clear out of the way, and up until twenty minutes ago I was sure I was going home with you."

"Dammit, don't tell me that! I'd rather you said you never felt anything for me and I was just a fucktoy. It would make this whole thing easier to swallow." Tiffany was crying, and I really hated to see her cry. I knew I was responsible, and I'd just crushed a poor girl's heart. She looked up at me, unbearable pain in her eyes. "I love you. I've been in love with you for YEARS. Haven't you been able to tell? I would do anything for you."

"Tiffany, please..."

Her eyes suddenly hardened, and that pure determination I'd only ever seen in her once before was back. But her tears kept flowing. "Stop. Stop and think about how you feel about me. I want to hear the complete truth. I want to hear the honesty in your voice. No matter how much it might hurt me."

I was suddenly confused. On one hand I had Tiffany's recent complaint about telling her something that would be easier to swallow. On the other hand I had Lauren's admonishment about males listening to the words and not the woman's heart.

I did stop for a full two minutes, perhaps for Tiffany feeling like the longest two minutes of her life. But for me, the time flew by as the answer came straight to me. "I missed Saya. And I rebounded right into your open arms. I really like you, a lot, and not just because of the sex. You are fun to be around, and I know you would always want to keep my happy. But I never felt that close, emotional connection with you. In the end I might have married you. But I think I would have always regretted losing Lauren."

Tiffany soaked that in, and it was my turn to feel the longest two minutes of my life. Her face ran the gamut of emotions, from anger to sadness and eventually, resolve. "Okay, I can handle that." She looked back and forth between Lauren and me. "But I think it's time for me to go home." Then she stormed into the back room. I heard the zippers on her suitcase being opened.

Lauren and I just sat there, sort of staring at each other and shifting uneasily while listening to the sounds of Tiffany packing her things. A few minutes later, she came out. She went over to Lauren, gave her a hug and pecked her on the cheek.

The tears still in her eyes, Lauren whispered "I'm sorry."

Tiffany just shook her head. "You were fantastic, Lauren. Really, no hard feelings. I hope you can get through his thick skull better than I could."

To me though, Tiffany just rolled her eyes and brushed past me out the door. Feeling guilty as hell, especially after everything we had gone through together, I followed her out onto the walkway. "Tiffany?"

She stopped, then turned around and took two forceful steps toward me then slapped me, hard, across my cheek. "Go to hell."

I rubbed my cheek, and straightened out my jaw. "I deserved that."

"Yes, you did."

Then she looked at the floor, letting out a big sigh and then shook her head. "Look, I do really hope you find happiness. Just give me some time, and we may even be friends. If nothing else, I'll miss LAUREN." She smiled at that last part.

Then the hard look was back, the tough exterior she brought up as a defense mechanism. I knew better than to say anything else, and at least let Tiffany have her dignity. Her life after me would begin again.

"I'll see you at the office," Tiffany told me. She collected her bag and walked away from me.

***

"She's gone."

Lauren was still sitting on the couch, looking a little remorseful. But she looked nervous even more than that. Probably still running the 'love' word over and over in her head. She glanced over towards the door. "She handled that very well, I think."

"Yeah."

"I'll miss her." Lauren looked back toward the door.

"I'm sure you'll see her again." Then my own memory turned back to Lauren and the 'love' word. "Did you really mean it? You'll let me be a real part of your life?"

I saw the emotions flood through her face, and the moisture immediately re- forming in her eyes. The irises were bluer and bigger than ever, and they sparkled as she gazed at me. "Absolutely."

***

We had two more days in paradise, and the two of us made the most of it. We went on our first real 'date': the romantic kind where two people go out with love, not lust on their minds. The sunset and the magic of the islands were incredible. Being with Lauren felt familiar, but strange. It was a whole new emotional world for the two of us, and building on top of our chemistry was the wonder of finally meeting the true person inside of each other.

Making love for the next two days was even more heavenly. As fantastic as the sex had previously been, it was amazing how much better it became was when we opened ourselves completely to the other person, holding absolutely nothing back.

Going back to real world was no different. The hustle and bustle of each day kept the romantic pace slow, letting Lauren adjust to sharing her most intimate thoughts and fears. Our love together grew and grew with each passing week. Lauren even found a passion to occupy her daily life: writing a regular column for her fashion magazine. It figured, she was always the Carrie Bradshaw type.

Lauren warned me, she wasn't going to fit into my 'perfect concept' very well. She wasn't the subservient housewife type, sitting at home or socializing with the blonde trophy wives while the nanny looked after the 2.5 kids. But that was fine with me. I'd been trapped in my self-made straightjacket for too long, and I had been missing the best years of my young adult life. Lauren would help me let loose a little bit while I grounded her. We found a harmony in balancing work with play, seriousness with fun, both of us far happier together and more in love than we'd ever been in our lives.

Besides, the sex was INCREDIBLE.

A year later we went on vacation in Japan. Saya always knew that Lauren and I would end up together; I hated it when she was right. Besides joining us for some fun romps in bed, it was her turn to show off her native country to us.

Even Tiffany finally came around. After a while, she and I got back to a normal flirty friendship. She got along great with Lauren, the two of them leaving me behind to go shopping or have coffee. Once, when I had to leave on a business trip, Lauren told me Tiffany had stayed overnight to keep her 'company'. We got into a tickle fight until Lauren finally gave me all the delicious details. Sometimes girls hold grudges for decades. But sometimes they forgive and become the best of friends.

In the end, Lauren and I both got what we wanted from the first day we met: someone to trust and share your soul with. I never abandoned Lauren, and I never will. My new life is with her.

THE END