Missed Opportunity

"Come on, we better get over to the club before they send a search party out after us." I said.

By the time we got to the club those guys were so drunk that nobody had even noticed we were missing. The band was still playing and it was loud as hell in there. I found Sean over by the bar laughing it up with a group of people.

"Hey, there you are!" He yelled. His speech noticeably slurred.

"Time for a shot?"

"I suppose it is time for a shot. I'm buying." I told him.

Sean was dangerously close to his limit and I could see that, so I secretly had the bartender make him a virgin kamikaze, while I got a double shot of Jack for myself. Crass didn't want a shot so I ordered three beers as well.

Sean and I did our requisite toast and did the shots. Sean was one cheerful guy when he was drunk. His normally great disposition seemed only to be amplified by drinking. He was a hell of a guy.

Everybody was still having a good time and Sean kept putting his arm around my shoulder, pulling me to his side and laughing it up. Then he'd grab another friend with his other arm. I kept glancing to my side to make sure Crass was still there. He was.

After a while a group of his buddies decided that it was time to get started home. As it was they'd missed the last shuttle and would have to pay for a taxi get back. I really wanted Crass to stay but I couldn't think of a way to make it happen without it appearing weird. It took all my self control not to grab him and kiss him before they left. I ended up just shaking his hand and saying something like see you later. I hoped that my eyes conveyed my feeling to him.

I watched his little bubble butt as they left. I felt a little tug in heart when walked out the door. When I turned back I saw Sean leaning against the bar looking at me strangely. I just assumed it was because he was drunk. At least I hoped that's what that look was all about.

"What's up man? You're not going to puke are you?" I asked him. He laughed loudly and clapped me on the shoulder good naturedly. "No, I'm not going to puke, but we probably better get out of here soon."

The next day was Saturday so Sean and I both slept late. The first thing I thought about when I woke up was Crass. In fact I thought about him all day, which was why I was uncharacteristically quiet.

"Did something happen last night?" Sean asked me.

"Why? What do you mean?" I asked trying to keep the paranoid panic out of my voice. I was neglecting my friend with my inattention. Now I was worried about that as well.

Did he know something? Was he suspicious about me and Crass?

"I don't know, you seem pissed off about something."

"Oh, no, I'm just still a little hung over that's all." I told him, silently breathing a sigh of relief.

Sean and I had a tremendous amount of respect for each other. In the entire ten months that we lived together I don't think we ever said a cross word to one another. We never argued or bickered over anything. On the contrary, we agreed on just about everything and since we both had a lot of other friends, we never seemed to crowd each other's space. For the short span of time that we knew each other I'd dare say that were best friends.

I had total allegiance to Sean and I can only assume he felt the same way towards me. In fact, once, during a drunken brawl while I was occupied beating the hell out of some guy, one of the guy's friends was about to blind-side me. Well Sean, being the ever vigilant friend that he was, dropped the guy with one punch. I was stunned, so was that guy.

Later Sean told me that he'd had no intention of interfering in the fight until the third guy got involved.

"A fair fight is one thing." He said. "But when that other guy tried to get into it... Well, that just ain't right."

"What if the first guy had been beating the hell out me instead of the other way around?" I asked.

"Nobody ever died from a good ass kicking Craig." He enlighten me.

"Well that's good to know." I chuckled. "Thanks a lot Sean."

"If he'd been beating you too bad, I'd of broken it up, probably." He laughed.

"Probably?!" I scoffed.

Perhaps he's just a man of extraordinary character or maybe we just had a really good friendship. Either way, Sean is an exceptional guy and I am a better man for having known him. I don't think I ever told him so and I'm sorry for that. You should always let a man know his worth.

More than two weeks had passed since my encounter with Crass and at the time I wasn't sure if it was intentional avoidance or some other reason. If it was intentional avoidance, who was doing the avoiding him or me? And more importantly did I even care? I do know that I really wanted to repeat the sexual experience. But did I really want to pursue a relationship? Did he? To be perfectly honest, I really didn't give it much thought, except for when I was horny.

Anyway, I already had a relationship. With Sean. You can over analyze it as much as you like but when it comes right down to it a relationship between two people is really just a matter of mutual respect and a willingness to spend time together when you don't really have to. This is why wives and girlfriends detest the friends of their mates. They hate the idea that he could enjoy spending time with anyone other than them. A woman will wrap up her whole being and sense of self in one person, her partner. Whereas men tend to see that a relationship can be a precarious, even perishable thing and therefore not allow it to consume his entire being.

Even though Sean's and my relationship wasn't a sexual one, I felt like I had cheated on him with Crass. I didn't know what he knew or didn't know about me and Crass. But the peculiar way that he'd gaze at me or give those sidelong glances whenever Crass was around should have given me some clue. But I was far too wrapped up in my own paranoid neurosis to figure it out.

Besides, Sean seemed the epitome of masculinity to me. Classic Midwestern farm boy type. He absolutely coveted anything Harley Davidson or Harley Davidson related. And besides his uniform, you'd never see him wearing anything other than Levis and black Harley t-shirts. On a chilly day he might wear a flannel over his Harley t-shirt.

He kept a picture of his fiancee on a bureau near his bed. She was one of the most beautiful women I'd ever seen. In my mind's eye I could them together a couple. I could totally see what they saw in each other. Her name was Rhiannon and she called him every week at the same time.

He didn't strut around or engage in any of that idiotic macho posturing like so many other typical Marines, which was precisely what made him so masculine and sexy. I must admit though that I did misjudge him when I first met him. I took him for a big dumb guy because of his size and farm boy good looks. He had a slight hillbilly accent too.

But I quickly learned that there was much more to him than could be seen by just looking at him. For instance he was very well read and actually had quite an extensive vocabulary, but he rarely showed it off except when we were alone. I could tell that he was conscious of his accent and made some effort to suppress it. It really only came through when we'd been drinking.

At about six foot one and a half with broad shoulders, Sean had a strong lean utilitarian body. His ass was very nice too, not quite as nice as Crass', but certainly well above average. And although I never saw it hard, I know for a fact that he was quite well hung. Watching him walk around in nothing but his briefs was a secret pleasure of mine. He had this little treasure trail of soft brown hair that ran from his belly button down into the top of his shorts which made my mouth water.

Quite often I would engage him in these little wrestling matches, typically after we'd been drinking. Most times I'd just rush him and try to take him down. But Sean was strong. Very strong and I hadn't anticipated that. He'd always play along until he got tired, then he'd figure out a way to immobilize me and make me say uncle.

I really enjoyed tussling around with him, groping him in every way possible. Never anything too rough, we had too many valuable items in the room. But it certainly helped to work off some of my sexual frustrations.

In the beginning I had been able to pin him a couple of time. The first time it happened I was quite pleased with myself. I'd somehow gotten Sean down on his back with his forearms pinned under my shins and hands behind him. It was a tremendous thrill for me, especially considering my control issues.

"Do you give up?" I grilled him.

"No, never!" Sean said.

"You will submit." I laughed. "Say uncle."

"Never gonna happen."

"Alright, I didn't want to have to do this." I told him. "But you leave me no alternative."

I leaned down, placing my hands on both his shoulders. Very slowly I moved my face closer and closer to his. I wanted desperately to kiss those full luscious lips. In fact I'd had it planned all along. And now, face to face with him, staring into his big amber colored eyes I saw his smile fade away.

Suddenly he was expressionless and I couldn't read a damn thing in his. Would he acquiesce and just let it happen or would he get angry and try to beat the hell out me? I had no way of knowing. And the closer I got to his face the more his eyes narrowed suspiciously.

In an instant hundreds of thoughts crashed through my mind. And not one of the scenarios I pictured was very appealing. I saw our relationship changing right before my eyes. And not in a good way. Suddenly I couldn't bear the idea of him rejecting me and then losing all respect me. While he remained passive I decided it wasn't worth the risk. Still close to his face, I blinked a couple of times and smiled, then I gave him a little slap on the face. Perhaps a little harder than I'd intended. And by his expression I could see that it shocked the hell out of him.

As I went to get up he exploded with sudden burst of strength and damn near threw me across the room. Now it was my turn to be shocked. And for a moment I thought he was angry. I could swear I saw a flash of rage in his eyes, then it was gone. Then, laughing like a moron he came over and helped me up.

"Bet you never saw that coming." He said.

"No, no I can't say that I did."

I was glad that our relationship had remained in tact and unchanged. After that time I was never able to pin him again, but that never put me off wrestling with him. I never went down without a long, hard fought struggle.

"Alright, if you're not going to say uncle." He'd warn me. "You leave me no alternative."

Then he'd tickle the hell out of me until I submitted. He knew that was my Achilles' heel. And occasionally he take full advantage of it. Often times continuing to tickle me even after I'd submitted.

I still remember the first time I laid eyes on him, all I could think was, "Man I bet he's good in bed." I loved to watch him walk too. Just the way he moved so confidently, hips swinging ever so slightly. One never got any sense of arrogance from him, just a warm self-assured inner-strength.

Eventually, I was overcome with curiosity about Crass so I asked Sean if he'd seen him around since they both worked in the same shop. He had to have seen him at work.

"Oh yeah, I meant to tell you about that." He said. "Crass and his roommates got put on restriction."

"What happened?"

"They got caught with a couple bottles of booze in their cubicle." He laughed.

The barracks on that side of base were pretty shitty compared to where we lived. They were more like warehouses. Each floor having just one long room sectioned off into cubicles with tall wardrobes and curtains. Absolutely no privacy. And worst of all a big community bathroom that everyone shared.

"Got caught? Who gets fucking caught?" I said shaking my head in disbelief.

"Well, from what I heard they were in there raising hell and one of the Staff Sergeants from their squadron walked in." Sean confided.

"He told them to keep it down and get rid of the booze. Crass lost his temper and started mouthing off to him. Next thing you know they were all on restriction."

It could have been a lot worse. Restriction is like a slap on the wrist compared to what could happen. Being on restriction is like being grounded. You're only allowed to go to work and the mess hall. The rest of the time you have to stay inside the barracks.

"Man, that's gotta suck. How much restriction did they get?" I asked.

"They got sixty days plus extra duty." He said.

"Damn, that's rough."

"The worse part is that they only have about six more weeks before they go back to the States." He chuckled. "Those poor bastards are going to be on restriction for the rest of the time that they're here."

Apparently I had seen the last of my new friend Crass. I was indeed somewhat disappointed, but that's life.

Eventually it came time for Sean to leave too. But he wasn't just going back to the States, he was getting out of the Marine Corps altogether. And although I'd be leaving just three short months after Sean, I was really saddened, distressed even, at the thought of his imminent departure.

We had less than a week left together so we made the most of it. We raised all sorts of hell on and off base. Up to that point we rarely went off base because everything was just so damn expensive. But I knew that I'd probably never see this guy again ever, so what the fuck eh?

Normally I try to distance myself from anything that could potentially make me emotional. I'm just not built for that sort of thing and I don't wear it well. Anyway, that's precisely what I'd been trying to do with Sean over those last few days. Sort of wean myself off him. But of course there was no real chance of that since we lived together.

Finally his last full day in Japan was upon us and I wasn't holding up too well. Besides being hung over everyday for past week, I could feel myself slipping in a deep depression. By the time I got off work, he was already finished checking out of the base and the Marine Corps. All that was left was a flight home.

There he sat with an upturned beer in his hand as I walked in.

"Less than twenty-four hours to go." Sean said grinning broadly.

"Yeah, yeah, I know." I said as cheerfully as I could. "Listen, are you going to be counting down with every passing hour like you did yesterday? Cause if so..."

"Come on, sit down and have a beer." He interrupted.

I did and then he poured us a couple of shots. We did shot after shot, toasting to pretty much anything and everything we could think of. We drank way too much in those days, but it was all in good fun.

"I'm going to have to reserve a room in a detox center after you're gone." I told him.

We both had a good laugh at that, but I was only half joking. I'm pretty sure my liver was cursing the day I'd been born.

"Since this is my last night, we have to go over to the club with some of the guys from my work." He said. "So hurry up and get changed."

After I got out of the shower I couldn't help but notice Sean staring openly at me. He wasn't saying anything. Just sort of staring and smiling. I figured he was just drunk so I finished getting dressed.

As I was standing at the mirror doing some last minute grooming Sean came up behind me and just stood there looking at me in the mirror.

"What!?" I said smiling expectantly at him. "What's up, you want to throw down? You want to take me on? I just might have to hurt you this time. And you know they won't let you on the plane tomorrow with a broken arm."

I turned to face him and what I thought was a challenge to a wrestling. But before I knew what was happening he'd already had his arms around me and was pressing his lips against mine. Having been caught off guard like that I was all tensed up. I'd already focused my energies in a whole different direction. He pulled back and just looked at me.

"What no good?" He asked, searching my eyes for a response. He had the most curious and adorable look on his face.

"Uh, yeah very good." I stammered. "Just really unexpected."

Then he looked like he was unsure of what his next move should be, so I made it for him. I put my arms around him and lightly licked his closed lips. He opened his mouth and we kissed more deeply this time. I stroked his broad back and squeezed his butt. We stood there for a long time just kissing and fondling each other.

After we broke the kiss we stood there looking at each other for a minute. Then he smiled again and went to sit down. I a million questions but couldn't seem to form and articulate a single one. My head was still reeling.

"Hey, uh... what... I mean... why did you do that?" Was all I could manage.

"I don't know." He shrugged. "Cause I wanted to I suppose. And cause I knew that you wouldn't."

"But I mean what made you think...?"

"Look, let's just have another shot okay?" He interrupted, cutting me off.

There was nothing else to do but comply. Besides, what good would a lot of questions do at this point? But every time I'd look at him he just give me one of these enigmatic little smile. So we did a few more shots and shortly thereafter the guys showed up. We all headed over to the club. We stayed until they closed the place and kicked us out.

By the time we got back to the barracks we were both drunk as hell. It took a full five minutes to get the key in the door. While I fumbled around trying to get undressed Sean just flopped down on his bed.

"Craig..." Sean said sleepily.

"What?"

"Craig...?"

"What is it Sean?" I said, a little exasperated.

"Come here!"

"You're not going to be sick all over me are you?"

"No, just come over here."

When I got over to his bed he grabbed my wrist and yanked me down on top of him. He was still fully dressed and I was clad only in my boxers. We started making out again. After the night we'd had at the club I had damn near forgotten that we'd made out earlier in the day.

"How did you know?" I asked him.

"Come on, how long have we been living together?" He said.

"Besides I notice who and what you look at when you think no one sees you. You are very covert about it but I see all."

"Is that right?" I asked rhetorically.

"Course that means I was looking too." He said.

"At what?"

"Mostly at you." He answered, kissing me again.

It was really weird to be laying there talking and kissing with the last person in the world that I'd expect this happen with. But I was very conscious of the fact that he'd be gone soon so I had to make the most of what time was left.

"You know I used to love to watch you walking around here in your shorts?"

"I know." He said laughing. "I saw you pretending to be reading or whatever, peeking over the top of your books looking at me. I just thought you were a pervert."

"You didn't think that. Jackass!" I said indignantly.

"No I didn't think that. But I was aware of your eyes on me." He said teasingly.

"Well, why'd you wait until now?"

"Do you remember that time we were wrestling and I let you pin me?" He asked.

"Let me pin you?!" I asked raising an eyebrow incredulously. He grinned broadly and continued.

"Anyway, while you had me pinned down." Using his fingers to indicate quotation marks in the air. "I thought you were about to make a move." He paused for a minute. "But then you didn't. I guess I thought... Well I figured that I'd probably just misread the whole situation."

I simply couldn't believe it. I had to laugh at myself for being such an idiot. I had missed the opportunity of a life time. And now time had run out. My heart ached for all the time lost due to my cautiousness.

"You didn't misread anything." I told Sean. "I was going to kiss you that day, but then I lost my nerve. I thought it would creep you out or something. I just couldn't bring myself to take the chance."