Choices: Someone to Watch Over Me

Well, everything was going along just great until just after Easter when Porticia got the bleeding "Dear Jane" letter. You know what I mean; George dumped her for some other girl. I told you he was a bastard. Porticia wasn't my favourite person but I saw that letter. He was an insensitive arsehole or asshole as they say over there.

It was a few weeks later that Dee first said she wanted to put back the wedding. Porticia was originally getting married a couple of weeks before us. Now Dee wanted to put our wedding back a month or so because Tish was upset.

The girls graduated and moved back home (my van again). They both got jobs pretty quickly. Nothing special in local banks - oh, different banks. I was of course still juggling college and work; although I was working on my own a lot more. I even had a couple of blokes working for me on occasion.

I would generally see Dee most days to start with, but as time went on she took to going out with Tish first one night a week and then two. Then suddenly she stopped meeting me after my night classes. So now she was with Tish three nights a week. Not that anything untoward was going on. I was too well known in town for anyone to get clever with my girl and that was what Dee was known as by then.

Okay, the month or so the wedding was put back, became until after Christmas. As Christmas approached Dee wanted to put it back further until Easter. Now up until that point I'd been patient, I realised that Tish was her friend, but it seemed to me that we were going to have to wait until Tish found herself another mug, before Dee was going to walk up the aisle with me.

It all came to a head in early December. I arrived at Dee's house to pick her up around seven thirty. Dee and Tish were car sharing, going to work. That night neither had come home yet. Dee hadn't called me to put me off and neither had called home to tell their parents of any change of plan.

I was not a happy bunny and went looking for Dee's car. It wasn't hard to find, as our town isn't very big. I found it in the car park of one of the pubs on the outskirts of town. Inside I discovered Dee and Tish sitting there with some Prat. They were so enthralled with the line of shit he was throwing Tish, that they didn't notice me enter.

I brought a drink and positioned myself on the other side of the room. I sat watching as a meal arrived for them and they all sat and ate it. I did note that Dee was drinking only non-alcoholic drinks. It was gone nine before they got up to leave. Both girls were apparently still enthralled with everything that came out of the arsehole's mouth. Jesus, talk about a line of bullshit. SAS, my arse; the Wanker wouldn't know one end of a gun from the other.

They must have got right out to her car before Dee spotted my van parked alongside it. She came dashing back in and looked around for me. I was at that time in conversation with a couple of guys I knew.

"Roger, how long have you been here?" Dee asked as she came up to my table. Followed by Tish and the Wanker.

Slowly I looked up at her. "Since about eight o'clock. My fiancée stood me up this evening, so I thought I'd have a quiet drink by myself."

"Why didn't you come over and join us? You must have seen us sitting there."

"Oh, I did, don't you worry. But you didn't really want me along, did you? If you had, you would have called and invited me to join the party, wouldn't you? What was it? Does the flash little Git fancy a threesome, or something?"

"How can you say such a thing? Rodney invited Tish out this evening and Tish didn't want to go on her own as she doesn't know him that well."

"Well, why no phone call to me or even your mother?"

"I forgot, that's all."

"Well, I forgot to tell you I was here, okay? Now you'd better drive your friend's home; they appear to be waiting for you. And make sure you drop the arsehole off first, I wouldn't trust that little bullshitter as far as I could throw him."

"Who are you calling a bullshitter?" The Prat demanded.

"You, you slimy little Git."

The pantomime began. Yes, I was childishly taking my frustrations out on the little Prat, but he really should have kept his bleeding mouth shut. If he had, he could well have got out of it with some dignity. Anyway he had been telling the girls how much of a tough guy he was all bleeding night. Anyone in the SAS can handle themselves, even the bloody pen pushers.

Once we took the argument out in the car park and there wasn't an audience anymore, he wasn't so brave. As a matter of fact, he did a runner, after trying to slam the pub's door in my face. The automatic gas closer prevented that.

"Did you have to do that? Tish liked him." Dee demanded.

"I didn't do anything, Dee. The little tosspot talked himself into a corner and then into a fight that he didn't hang around to have. All I did was to get stood up by my fiancée and went out for a quiet drink to drown my sorrows. Good night!" I returned to the bar to finish my pint.

Dee came back inside for no more than a minute of so. She and Tish had a whispered conversation and then they left. Well, the train was blowing its bloody whistle as it came roaring out of that bleeding tunnel

The following evening I didn't go round to Dee's house at the usual time to pick her up. At half eight, she let herself in the door of my flat.

"What's up with you? Why didn't you pick me up? We were supposed to be going to see that film this evening."

"Oh, I forgot?"

"Don't talked rubbish. This is about last night, isn't it?"

"Not exactly. This is about you and me. And your friendship with Tish."

"What has Tish got to do with it?"

"Everything. If Porticia weren't around, we'd be married by now. But for some reason you've decided not to marry me until Tish finds some mug to marry her. Well, I'm not waiting anymore. The wedding goes off in February or there's not going to be a wedding. Secondly you will see Porticia just two nights a week from now on. The two evenings that I'm at college."

"You can't make demands like that."

"Oh, but I can. I'm supposed to be the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. But you worry more about Tish than you do about me. Now I suggest you go home and think about what you really want. You can bring me my answer tomorrow night. I'll be here until ... shall we say nine o'clock?"

"But Tish and I are going to that rock concert tomorrow night. Its Porticia's favourite group. She'll be really upset to miss them, and I know she won't go alone. I won't have time to come here before we go."

"Then I have my answer already. It's your choice, Dee, Porticia or me. Think about it if you will. If you're not here tomorrow evening before nine, everything's off. You can either keep or sell the ring. I wouldn't want it in my flat; it would have too many bad memories."

Dee tried to talk me around but I refused to listen to her. To be honest I was tired of being a fish on the line. Either we got married or I would have to cut my losses.

As I expected, Dee tried to circumvent things. My phone was ringing when I got home from work. Caller ID told me it was from Dee's house. I ignored it. It rang at regular intervals until six when she was due to leave for the concert. Ten-past-six it rang again, the caller ID told me it was from Porticia's parent's house. The phone rang a couple more times a little later, I assume from call boxes as the ID was withheld. Call boxes in the local theatre are set up like that.

At nine I left the flat and went over to a friend's flat from where I could watch mine. Brian's a nice old boy who had really become like a surrogate father to me. I'm afraid that letting my bedroom to a lodger without even asking or telling me first had almost completely destroyed my relationship with my father and family.

It was gone twelve when Dee's car pulled into the car park. Dee got out, followed by Tish and the little shit from the previous evening. Dee went up to my flat, which was all in darkness; the other two waited by the car. She let herself in and I watched lights going on and off as she searched the flat for me.

Dee went back down to her car, where she talked with the other two for a while. Then Tish and the guy got into Dee's car and drove off; Dee then returned to the flat. I made myself comfortable on Brian's sofa. He did suggest I go home and talk it out with Dee, but I figured she'd made her decision at six o'clock. I wasn't prepared to play second fiddle to Porticia in Dee's affections, no matter what it cost me.

Brian could see the car park from his bedroom and he came out to tell me that Dee's car had returned about half an hour later. I went back into his kitchen and watched Tish go up and into the flat. Dee obviously wanted some moral support.

By eight thirty in the morning, neither girl had left the flat. Actually I'd painted myself into a bit of a corner. There was no way I could get out of Brian's flat without them seeing me. Now I know I was playing silly games, but I wanted them to be wondering where I was.

It was obvious that neither girl was going to work that day; they were planning on waiting me out, after all I'd have to put an appearance in to get my van, well, that's how I think their minds were working. The masterstroke I came up with to get past that one was to call a guy who was working for me. I had him come round and drive my van to the site where we were supposed to be working that day.

It worked like a dream; it was only when the old van's engine started that the girls realised what was going on. They came running down the stairs and jumped into Dee's car then set off in hot pursuit of the van. I suppose they thought I was driving it.

I went down and got into my car. Now that was something they didn't know about. I'd finally bought the car that Dee and I were supposed to be going on honeymoon in. I drove it over to the house I'd bought, another secret from Dee. This was the house I thought we were going to start our married life in. At that moment in time, it looked like a building site, as the guys hadn't finished yet. Well, I'd kept putting the date back every time the wedding date went back. There wasn't much to finish so I got stuck in there for the day and slept there that night.

The following day was a college day for me and I couldn't miss it. Although the building work was coming along just great and I was earning extremely well, I still had designs on becoming an architect. Having the car that Dee didn't know about was my saving grace that day; several times I spotted both girls around the college but they didn't see me or even know I was there.

I've got to say that at this juncture, if Dee had been alone I most probably would have spoken to her. Possibly we could have sorted things out, but I somehow doubt it. Porticia's presence prevented me from going to Dee.

That evening I called the flat. Brian had just called me and told me that Porticia had left Dee there alone.

"Roger, where are you?"

"That's none of your business, Dee."

"Roger, I'm sorry, but I couldn't let Porticia go to that concert alone."

"But she wouldn't have been alone, would she, Dee? She had that little shit with her, or was he with you?"

"He's Tish's boyfriend. You know that I'm your girl."

"You were at one time, Dee, but you're not anymore. Tell me, did you tell your mother to go ahead with the February wedding date."

"Well, no, I didn't. You were acting so strange the other night."

"No, Dee! You're the one who's acting strange. I told you, last night was your chance to decide whom you wanted to be with, Porticia or me. You chose Porticia. It's over between us. There's nothing left to say."

"But I couldn't leave my friend on her own!"

"Why not? She left you on your own when she went to the States, didn't she? Do you think she cared about you, when she was planning to marry that Wanker she met over there? Dee, I'm not playing second fiddle to Porticia for the rest of my life. Its over, the engagement is off, the wedding is off and you are out of my life. Goodbye and please leave that flat tidy; I don't live there anymore as you've no doubt noticed by now."

"Where are you living, Roger?"

"In the house I had bought for your wedding present. But you chose not to live here with me. Good bye, Dee. I hope you find what you are looking for."

With that I hung up the phone.

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It was the following evening that Dee's father and mother paid me a call. Of course they knew about the house. I discussed almost everything with them. In my opinion, my relationship with Dee's father had always been tenuous to say the least. So I thought that telling them about the house was a wise thing to do. They had kept my secrets from Dee. Both the car and the house were supposed to have been my wedding surprises for her.

I was surprised that they actually understood my position. It became apparent to me that, although I didn't think I would have been Dee's father's first choice for a son-in-law, they actually hoped that Dee's affection for me would separate her from Porticia. As it turned out, that didn't happen. It was a very sad parting that evening and they wished me the best.

I gather they never told Dee they knew about the house, where it was, or that they had come to see me. They told me straight out that they felt that they wouldn't ask me to change my mind and take Dee back. They had hoped Dee's love for me would break the hold Porticia seemed to have over her. But now they had come to believe Dee would always be under Porticia's influence.

Dee did try to speak to me whenever she saw me for the next few months. The trouble was, she was always in Porticia's company when she did see me; I had no intention of talking to her in that girl's presence.

I also gathered she was still telling people that we were engaged. There she ran into a problem; I had moved on with my life, or to put it more truthfully I was trying to move on and I was not finding it easy. I had started dating other girls, more than anything to try and take my mind off of Dee. I must add not very successfully.

However one of the girls I had gone out with, who apparently had designs on making it a permanent arrangement, just happened to overhear Dee tell someone else that we were still engaged. From what I heard, that encounter apparently resulted in a real cat-fight. But after that I never heard any more reports of Dee claiming we were still engaged.

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Time passed as it inevitably does. At the end of that year of college, I gave up on the idea of becoming an architect. The reason I gave everyone was that my building work had really taken off in a really big way, as in truth, it had. I'm not sure where my reputation for quality workmanship actually came from, but apparently I had built one.

In truth, Dee had signed up for a design course that I needed to take; I saw her name on the list when I went to register for that next year. Don't ask me how she talked her way into that course, but she did. I decided not to register!

I threw myself into my new and expanding business. Funny that I had started working for myself so that I could do my architect thing, as it gave me the opportunity to choose my own working hours to suit my studies. Suddenly I was one of the most respected small builders in town and run off my feet with work.

I didn't see much of Dee or Tish. Estelle would turn up at my house every so often. I think, she made it pretty plain that she thought she was in the running for becoming Dee's replacement in my heart. Looking back I think I did love Estelle, but as I would a sister, not as a prospective life partner. So I told her that would never happen.

At the time, I knew I liked the girl and felt a genuine affection for her, but if I had gotten emotionally involved with her, I would be forever running into Dee. That would have made life too complicated and was something I wanted to avoid. As time went on, I saw less and less of Estelle.

It must have been nearly two years after I broke up with Dee that I met up with Shirley. Again, she was an old friend from my schooldays. But whereas Dee and Tish had been a year behind me, in my brother's class, Shirley had been one of my peers. We'd gotten on well together in school and I suppose if I hadn't gone off to my Uncle Harry's we might have gotten together sooner.

Shirley was always a good laugh to be with - well, she always had been. At school she did have a little bit of a reputation for putting out, but I had never gone after her on those grounds. Shirley was just fun to be with, especially now.

Now I'm not claiming I felt the same way about Shirley as I had done about Dee. I know I quickly grew to love Shirley; but Dee had been my first real love. Many people have told me that your first love is something different and I have cause to agree with them.

Anyway eight months after we got together, Shirley and I married in the local registry office. It wasn't the big affair that Dee's mother had planned for Dee and I, but it was what we wanted - well, needed actually. Time was always going to be a very important factor in Shirley's and my relationship.

You see it was shortly after we started going together that Shirley was diagnosed with cancer. It went into remission after she had her first batch of chemotherapy, right after the wedding. But it was the sword of Damocles' hanging over us.

The next five years of my life, I devoted to Shirley and building my business. Even in her condition, Shirley was always fun to be with and she did me the honour of presenting me with two wonderful daughters. It was in our fifth year as man and wife, that Shirley's cancer returned with a vengeance. Chemo did little this time except make Shirley feel pretty terrible. In the end she made the decision to refuse any further treatment, other than painkillers. We managed to spend another three years together before she finally took her leave of us.

Our two daughters took it in their stride; their mother had prepared them for that day from the moment they had been born. It was them who really supported me that cold January day of the funeral. It was also them who invited everyone back to the house for the wake. Six and seven year olds, taking charge of almost everything. Whilst their father wondered around in a daze, feeling sorry for himself. Shirley had done a really good job with them.

My company had done a lot of renovation work for the church at a discount, as it was Shirley's church. Personally I'm not really into the religion thing. We'd rebuilt the boundary wall after an old Yea tree had died and fallen on it. The tree had been there many hundreds of years. Its demise and removal had left a few new grave plots very near the churches main door.

I'd spoken to the vicar and reserved one of these newly available plots for Shirley. Shirley was a lively person and I thought she would like having a plot near to where everything was going on. I thought she deserved that. Well, whether I believe or don't believe, it was Shirley's Grave. Although I suppose one day, I'll be in there with her. Of course I'd never mentioned it to Shirley.

Of those who came back to the house, I was surprised to find Dee's father Frank and Estelle amongst them. They both gave me their condolences personally, they also told me that Dee's mother was ill in hospital or she would have been there with them. As a result of that conversation, a few days later I called into the hospital to see her.

She was actually in the same ward that Shirley had been in during her last days. I had been too preoccupied with my wife to notice her or anyone else who was in there. Luckily, Dee's mother was recovering from her illness, although I never did find out exactly what it had been.