All Comments on 'A Story'

The writing itself isn't bad at all, but I feel a lack of organization which hurts the story. It would also be nice to see the concentration on one event (which can pull in memories from others) rather than many events.

Cut the first two paragraphs and the last. That drops the cliche introduction and starts you in the middle of the action. The last paragraph is a cling-on.

This story is a nice start. To make a more substantial story, try picking an episode and work that up into a scene. You can also try connecting a few vignettes to make a narrative.