All Comments on 'Keep you safe'

passion and warmth denotes the beauty of your pen...smiles/bluerains

I don't know what meaning this will have...but after reading something so beautifully written, I am in tears. I don't know why or how your work has moved me so, but it has. I hope you keep writing, for I can see my silent emotion expressed within your words.

Truly.....thank you.

~Kasumi

your words paint a picture in a poetic way, no matter how you rearrange it it says alot about the heart and that you can not change. I enjoyed your write.

Keep on working at it.

At a quick glance, here are a couple things you might do to change this:

"my face nestle in your neck,

Your breathing getting slower

and deeper."

Tighten it up a bit and get the reader ready for what follows:

"my face nestles in your neck,

Your breaths slow and deepen."

Then, change this:

"'You'll make some woman very happy one day...'

I hear,

And I fight with my tears."

Try this - it might give the thought of tears more punch:

"'You'll make some woman very happy one day...'

I hear, as I fight tears."

Just a couple suggestions. Fewer words seem to have greater emotional impact. Play with it some more and see what you think.

Wonderfully written Una. I love this one. Short and sweet and yet powerful.