- Erotic Poetry
- Not the Pain
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It's not the pain, I told him.
No- I hate the pain.
The fire in my skin that
always seems like more
than I can take, and is
always just a little less
than too much.
Needle, knife-edge,
licking flames of
crop and cane
and cat.
It's not the pain.
No.
Not the shame
upon my knees
not the words
that put me there,
Not the bite,
the claw,
the wheel,
the arcs of purple
lightening tracing
whelts and stripes
of yesterday,
the clutching straps,
leather, rubber,
chain and steel-
It's not the pain-
It's how it makes me feel.
I told him-
the look in your eyes,
that fills my soul like
nothing else... to know
that you care so very much
exactly what I'm
feeling.
- COMMENTS
LeBrozabout 18 years agoWelcome to Lit
With your first submit;
A bit weak/worn in the middle
But hey, it's those first steps that count;
Keep 'em coming!
TheRainManabout 18 years agoWelcome. It's always nice to see new writers who have a fresh voice.
There are shopworn and cliched moments in this poem, I think -- but if that is all there were, I would not be commenting. I also find sections and phrases that show you have a fresh way of stating things.
I also find structural problems with the poem that do not need to be mentioned to a new writer here, since many do not react well and take them as criticism instead of suggestion.
Keep writing and posting, please. If you do and show you are open to contructive criticism, I'd be glad to give you my thoughts in those other areas.
No vote left. I never vote because I find it purposeless.
