All Comments on 'Unfinished Family Business Ch. 02'

you have great style, a good story teller but it takes a long time to get through your stuff...i am only up to ch 4

but wanted to congratulate you. I have just submitted my first piece "marie's Submission" under incest.

if you get the time i would love to have your critique on it

The story and the narrative were fantastic. I also was very impressed with the dialogue. The ONLY real complaint I have about this was the fact that there were a lot of typos, punctuation errors and grammatical errors. This would have benefitted greatly if you'd put it past an editor or two before posting it. Other than that, though, this was superb and definitely worth the top rating that I gave it.

Looks like I'll have to go back and read the first part of this story now. Thanks for making it available to us!

Normally not an area I'm comfortable with but your narrative abilities were so strong - I'm impressed

Solid Work - Thanks

Hey amazing story - really got me hooked from beginning to end. I like mostly everything about it except maybe for the same fact that the problems present in the 1st were still around; these being typos and grammatical errors. But this could be outweighed by the hot characters and happy ending that had a twisted sub-text to it. =)

Wonderful. Now looking for other chapters

In John Burdett's book, Bangkok 8, there's a reference to euthanasia by orgasm.

In Unfinished Family Business 2, it's euthanasia by someone else's orgasm -- by father witnessing son's orgasm while fucking his sister.

Or is it.... murder? --to get control of the family biz?

The Shadow knows..............

I thought the story was great. I would like to see it go further. I did see some errors in the writing but I look for a better story and worry less about the errors. Due to the errors I gave it an overall 4 but the story was a 5.

"WOW"what a fantastic sexy story, loved every bit of it,especially the son fucking the mom and sister what great sex, it was like being there in the room seeing all this going on and then taking part, one great story, can,t wait for the part two, this story could go on and on im shaw.

Hell of a story. Just dying for a sequel. Get ready though...A major gripe might be that he didn't get his mom and sis in bed TOGETHER. Now how damn hot would that be? Just where is that nitro...?

out of all the stories i have read that was so wonderful...makes me wished i was kin to you...keep up the writing baby

I couldn't put it down! A really great story. Is there another chapter in the works? How about a threesome with Mom and Diana? The only complaint was a few words just didn't fit the text just right. But I still gave a 5.

Keep up the good work.

I hate that it ended but it was definitely a great story.

It would be so hot for sometime when Tony and Kitty were making love to have Gwen discover them and it would turn into a family threesome,

The exception is in page 8 of the second chapter. The ending was rushed and left issues in the story hanging. The father issue unresolved. The mother, son, and daughter interrelationship seemed to be settled to easily. The daughter's best friend just seemed to disappear.

Strange as it may seem considering it is an incest story, I kinda hoped that he get the thing out of his system and wind up with Diana

I liked it but I felt kinda let down that his siter moved on so easily it felt so unrealistic as their connection seemed very strong for her to just one day fall in love with someone else I really wished he would have ended up with his sister

This is a beautifully crafted story. I really enjoyed reading it; I am sure it will only be the first time.

And you left it seemingly "unfinished", too. Delightful!

This long story really wrapped up fast at the end. I felt like the author suddenly got in a hurry to come to some sort of a conclusion.

So many children are either stunted or have gone wild due to a situation like this. I would wish he had a few thoughts before he stroked clear out but I guess that is just mean. Good story.

I know this author's not writing anymore but I'm going to comment anyhow.

The story was one of the better on this site. But the writing was atrocious. I've never seen so many errors in a story. Did you even go back and read what you'd written before submitting it? You didn't do the story justice by not correcting your mistakes. If you ever read this and go back to writing, think about this. The mistakes were very distracting.

The old fart.

Was one of the less interesting stories I've read sorry

keep up the good work loved it!

Had to laugh a couple of times with his problems between sis, Diana and kitty lol.

solved in the end, though I'm not entirely sure if it wouldn't have been funnier if she came home and made it somehow a tri-relationship out of it. he seemed capable of it. lol

one point though which I didn't like, the extensive explaining again who was who and how, also the relationship between them (recap of ch1).

I think that was too extensive und unnecessary, given the fact Title says Ch. 02, so everyone should know there's a part one and read that one first.

other than that

Great job, looking forward reading more.

Brother and sister should have been the pair to stay together. Why would you write about a disloyal sister and brother after the way they acted towards each other in the first chapter and then after they got back together at spring break in this chapter. Mom should have never have been an option for him with his sister around. Shameful. I seem to be on a roll reading stories with bad endings recently.

this is now my second read of the story in search of another story (which was almost the same as this one) I've read before and can't seem to find anymore.

now I think you should've leftit at part one and made it just a tad longer and skipping pretty much the entirety of part two here.

could've wrote like. dad now in coma, son head of business and family a longer paragraph where he fucks his mom. then how they lead the business as a trio or duo bro/sis.

what's confusing for the story is. and here I have to agree with c4vetteman94.

the story started out all about the sister, some "honorable" mentions about the mom but it was mainly about sis and bro.

now in part two out of the events those two caused. you basically just deleted one character, the sister and added the mom for some reason when she was before just an honorable mention. if she was in part1 a little more on the "naughty" side, when they were in the Jacuzzi and so.

I mean the part about him and the mom is hot as fuck, don't get me wrong, but in the overall story I don't see it fitting now. A standalone story for them would've been better I think

I like this chapter because I enjoy a good mother/son story but the first part was better in my opinion. The story was good and even from the beginning of the first part you could sense what was coming between Kitty and Tony but the wrap up seemed rushed. Overall I think both parts are 5 stars.

5 full chums. The only thing lacking is Kitty fucking her tennis pro and being caught by Tony.

Wow, Great story and the characters were spot on. There were a few hiccups in the writing, but still a wonderful read .5🌟

If I could, 10 stars outta 10 stars.

Yuck.

@tiercenpt

It's because the author got lazy. Starts a story, doesn't finish it before starting a new one. And so in the process of finishing the earlier story, everything gets cut short. Lack of creativity to bring it to a more conclusive end.

You can tell that the author lacks imagination since to exude the sexuality of the characters, they are just painted as slaves to desire.

Stupid.

Same as last 3/4 of part 1, word for word. Submission error.

Good story, but now for the speed bumps. "The rough and ready Marine has been replaced by Donald Trump." (God, I hope not!) - The segue between Tony and his mom was such a slow tease I was almost tempted to skip ahead until 'IT' finally happened - Thank God he didn't call her the puerile 'mommy' but kept to the adult form of 'mom' - Was a little disappointed that you copped out with Gwen and didn't have continue with the plot . . . .