All Comments on 'The Vindictive Stranger Ch. 01'

But where's the rest? *bouncing impatiently* Damn you Sev, everyone calls me a tease... and then you turn around an do this without so much as a flick of an eyelash from anyone.

So, just a side note- PLEASE bold-text the division lines when the action scenes change. I was getting lost like crazy. If you don't know the HTML code, it's < b > Text here < / b > although of course you take the spaces out. There were a few little glitches besides that, but nothing major- although you changed verb tenses when you were talking about Louis cursing his ex-wife. She went from being is ex-wife back to his wife within a sentence- very bad of you, Sev. And the sex couldn't have been so great if they were holding normal conversation without any panting, heaving, or gasping. Shame, Sev, mediocre sex? *mock scolding*

But I forgive you- this was too deliciously evil and too much fun not to. Besides, I'm not reading it for the sex- I'm reading it to see what an aborted fetus does to the people responsible for his death.

for author to do a good job with all of them, given a short story.

for author to do a good job, all the characters he/she intro. and all of their narcissism need to be somehow tied up,,, otherwise, it's like you've built the foundation of a big house, with metal, concrete, and all kinds of solid but also ugly looking objects sticking out on some domestic, prime landscape and just left the scene!

but to tie up a story like this, you can't just quit focusing on most characters and just talk about how the immortal/incarnated aborted fetus was gonna suck all the life force out of the doc. the selfish woman who aborted him and Melanie the bi sexual cheater,,, those aren't that interesting characters by themsevels: they are only interesting when you populate the field with narcissistic characters: Tommy, Louis, Monique, the doc. and his daughter, Janice, et al.

My blood's boiling and my stomach is destroyed from reading this piece. If that's the reaction you were going for... Fuck. Good luck in the contest.

always a pleasure to read your well crafted tales....bravo!!

Interesting story, if a little preachy. However, there was no ending, it just stopped.

R. Richard

Others have already asked: where's the rest? Huh? HUH?

Good luck in the contest.

Where's the next one? *laugh* Good luck in the contest.

Wow, Sev. Holy crow. I knew when you were talking about writing it that it was gonna be something, but wow. (and *ducking* I'm with everyone else... where's the next? :)

in a cloud of dust! Great start to what hopefully will be a multi-part series. I love the fetus/demon concept, it's really unique. Good luck in the contest.

Just wait for you to answer everyone else.

Very interesting premise, so many characters...

Good luck in the contest!

Maharat

Although you said the story was not meant to be "anti-abortion" it certainly reads that way. You refer to the doctor "crossing an ethical line" by providing abortions and later the narrative refers to "murdering babies". Be that as it may, I liked the story okay, even though none of the characters yet is the least bit likable. I thught the sex in the story was a bit offhand, and lacking in heat.

This is a great set-up for more. Moving from one character to the next made this a fast paced story and then I got to the last page...cliff hanging tension.

Damn tease. ;)

Good luck in the Halloween contest, Sev.

Hm, at first I was a bit irritated by the anti-abortion texts. I know, you said it wasn't meant political.

After a while I got pulled into the story, however.

Right now I'm curious to find out what kind of revenge this demon is going to exact.

Good luck.

Black Tulip

As much as you said that it wasn't anti-abortion, it certainly came off as if it were, but in a very polite way. In addition, the concept of a fetus progressing in the afterlife into what they should have been is as creepy as the rest of the story. I think if women found out there were vengeful demons of the fetus they killed, they'd be much more wary of getting an abortion. In any case, aside from that little snag, the story was amazingly well written. Again, I say, Bravo.

For the record, it is meant as a story based on a hypothetical possibility: what IF life began at conception or at some other point in the womb? What IF abortion was murder? What would be the karmic penalty for it? It stands to reason that a demon of vengeance would be about the only way to exact retribution. Who better to be such a demon than the fetus himself, now mature and well aware of what was done to him?

Personally, I understand the comments, but it was more philosophical and mystical (as well as Gothic) in its intent than political. Everything simply starts from the premise of this parallel universe where abortion is murder (assuming that it isn't in this universe).

I appreciate Box's remarks about the story, given his dislike, though I fail to see why one wouldn't like Nora, if no one else. And who would dislike a vengeance demon simply seeking justice for his own death? Even so, this is a first chapter, so I understand the mixed feelings at this point. Characters are just being introduced at this stage.

To me, life DOES start at conception. It's not like a human fetus turns into a chicken or something else, it becomes a human child. Looking at it that way, what is destroyed, is human. Abortion is murder. It's just legal murder. Regardless of how you wrote it, or your "political" stance on abortion, loved the idea of the avenging demon thing. Very unusual and very interesting. Thanks for an enjoyable read.

i am so confused the most complicated story i have read

Abortion maybe murder to some, but fortunatly it is legal and will always be. So long as ther are rape victims and tricked or forced pregnancie's it will be legal and that is a good thing because who the fuck wants there rapist baby. Wemon and some men will always insure that it is legel because one way or another those bastard monster of those bastards who force such things without consent will be delt with. And if others do not approve haha do you really think we give a fuck.