All Comments on 'Saving Each Other'

Your story has such a potential for more plot development. Some paragraphs are just a litany of their sexual positions, plus there were some typos, which is why I can't rate it any higher. The best stories on this site are plots that use sex to enhance the plot, not a story that simply is about sex.

Unfortunately, some of the paragraphs are a laundry list of sexual positions and detracts from the story, bringing the quality of the story downward. How about what Ann or Dave is feeling at that time? Expand on that more and use the sex as an enhancement to their feelings. Those that can do that are the true masters of literotica.

I hope this is only the first chapter. There is so much to be reconciled in this story and it was left just hanging. Your story has a great start to a plot, but it needs a chapter where Dave decides to either work things out with Ann or they decide to leave the story as a fond memory. Either one will work, but it needs a conclusion, or just another chapter. There is a lot of potential here.

Also, how did the fire start on the roof? If you listed it, it was so overshadowed that the story lacks something there.

Your first paragraphs as to how he felt and why truly show you have a very big gift as an author. Likewise, your reasons for wanting just the F*ckb*ddy is logical. But the plot development just stops at that point where they have sex and left me somewhat disappointed.

Good story... good luck in the contest.

I don't think I can agree with your assessment of this story. From the short synopsis, you've already been warned that the story is about strangers and sex. That, alone, largely eliminates complicated emotional explanations.

There is character and plot development, adequate for a short story. The reader is told what motivates Dave to be there, and how he arrived. The explanation for Ann is provided, albeit in brief terms. Their initial encounter is provided in a very logical sense. The fire on the roof is explained, but is arguably unnecessary except as a tool for further character development. Indeed, the larger fault with the fire is that it seems odd in that it would seem that there would have been snow on the roof (before the blizzard) which would prevent a fire being started by flying embers out of the chimney.

Does the story leave one hanging? I don't think so; it's explained, late in the story, why the two would be incompatible outside of bed. Could the story stand a second chapter? Yes, it could; but it would probably be either a mindless repeat of this story, or take the plot in a completely different direction not likely to be compatible with the original premise.

I think it's a well written story. Could it be enhanced by subsequent chapter(s)? Perhaps, but it would almost have to follow a plot line like the movie "Same Time Next Year"; and I think it would be tedious to persue that past, perhaps, one more chapter.

-- KVK

Interesting premise. Good luck in the contest!

bring her to ny for a gallery showing for a few weeks, give him a sabbatical to teach at a jr college, give us hope for some kind of future with these two.

The story was fine; the sentence construction sometimes tended to be awkward but somehow it worked.

My only complaint?

"So I tell her."

"So she tells me."

"So, I arranged with my Dean,"

"So she sucks a while"

Starting a sentence with the word 'so' used in this context grates on me.

Good luck with the contest.

Cookie :)

This could last for a while, or at least through summer and a sabbatical to a nearby university or expansion of the art business.

Keep up the good work

I enjoyed your story. It reads like a novel and I would definately finish reading it if it were one.Thank you for an interesting read that actually has a plot.

Naughty Nae ;0)

The author spent a lot of time on this story

The author is an amature and got paid bukas

Your minor bitches show YOUR ignorance

story what so ever, good luck in the contest.

.... in the contest. Please ignore the ones that have nothing better to do then to lowball and criticize stories.... its their lot in life... we write the stories that they cannot and then they come and vent their jealousy onto us.

Always, E

excellent, good story line, good style