North Shore

---

As we headed out of the hotel and down the strip, I discovered something else that Gui-Feng and I had in common. When she was thinking, she didn't speak. She had never responded to Ken's story. Instead she became quiet, saying only the minimum to keep us moving, and I could practically see her wheels turning. I tried to cheer her up with stories about Ken's past, but they were having little effect. I was left just watching her. Earlier, I had asked myself if I would be able to reach Gui-Feng. Ken had done it. She had been thrown off track. If I wanted to meet the real woman here, I'd have to do the same. I took Ken's hand and leaned over to whisper to her as we walked.

"I'd like to know what you are thinking."

Gui-Feng shook her head. "I can't say. I could say something stupid."

"I say stupid things all the time."

"That's different."

"I know you are working and trying to charm us, but I'd like to know the real you. You've been confident and perfect for us all night. What else is there?"

She took what I said in instantly. "I could tell you were seeing through me. I was kind of hoping you'd let it slide and just play the game."

"I didn't see through you. You were doing what we asked you to do."

"That's what I tell myself, too."

"So tell me something stupid that you will regret."

She sighed. "I just don't want to be part of screwing you two up. You've got something good, Ashleigh, and I'm not going to be the one to crash it down. I try to make people's lives better, if only for one night. I am not sure if your lives will be better after tonight. I keep looking for answers, but they don't come."

"I've been looking for an answer, too, but nadda."

Ken joined in. "Why do things always have answers? What sort of question would you ask here anyway?"

I stopped whispering. "You want to know one more reason why I am an idiot, Gui-Feng? I sometimes think that I'm smarter than Ken."

Ken started laughing, "You are, Ashleigh."

"No, I'm not. I assume that because I read a lot more than you that I must be smarter. But that's so clearly dumb it's almost self-contradictory."

"But, Ashleigh," said Gui-Feng, "You show your intelligence all the time."

"I hope you aren't going to say it's because I can do math quickly."

"No, it's because you really listen and think. At dinner, I was going off about Greek philosophy, partly because I enjoy it and partly to show off, but you didn't let me get away with anything. You'd be shocked how many people think that because someone can throw a long name out there that they must be saying something important. But you don't fall for it. You question it if Herodotus said it or if Jimmy at the garage said it."

"Hey, no garage jokes," Ken threw out.

"I'm not sure that's such a great thing," I answered. "I sound like a pit bull – or, worse, a lawyer."

"And," Ken continued, apparently ignoring me in turn, "You say it when you don't understand. I've always thought that was great. You aren't being self-effacing, because that's boring. You are being honest."

"So you are telling me that I am smart exactly because I have no idea what I am talking about most of the time."

"Yeah."

"That's the start of wisdom," Gui-Feng finished. "Just look it up in Plato."

I couldn't help but grin at Gui-Feng's meta-joke. Anyway, Plato was a short word.

"Then I will admit right now to the two of you that I have no idea what I am doing here, why I'm here, or how it will end up."

"Same here," said Gui-Feng.

"Oh yeah," said Ken.

And with that we all headed off towards the exploding volcano.

---

As we walked, I did have some idea what I was doing here. I was here to kiss Gui-Feng. I just didn't know why I wanted to kiss her. Surely, I could figure it out. Why did I like to kiss Ken? Because he could be nice and sexy and I loved him. Well, Gui-Feng was certainly sexy, but I couldn't love her yet, since I had just met her. I wanted to love her, I knew that. Wait, why the hell would I want to love someone I had just met? That was ridiculous, and yet it was true. What was going on inside me?

Gui-Feng suddenly leaned into my body. "I think you're wonderful," she said quietly, her breath fluttering by my ear and over my cheek. All my thoughts joined her breath and disappeared into the warm Vegas air.

"Me, too. I mean, I think you are," I said quickly blushing as I had almost praised myself. But of course she knew what I meant. I felt like a kid around her.

I felt her pulling me closer as we walked, as if the desert had become cold and she needed warmth. "I just want you to know that, because I am going to have to pay a little less attention to you than I'd like."

"Oh, well, that's fine." She was already losing interest? But she had just said-

"Ken, would you mind grabbing us a bottle of water?" Gui-Feng asked.

"No prob," he responded and vanished into a convenience store. I chuckled at Gui-Feng's transparent request to get some alone time and Kenji's immediate acceptance of it. Now, if only he'd do what I say every once in a while....

"I need to seduce your husband."

I couldn't help but cock an eyebrow at that.

"I know it's hard to believe, but he's only here for you. If I am going to do my job for both of you, I need to get his attention a little more."

"Gui-Feng, I know it was my idea originally, but what man doesn't want to be with two women? It's everyone's fantasy."

"Kenji seems to be one person for whom it isn't."

"He fell down the stairs when he saw you."

"Yes, wasn't that sexy? But he's looking at me and thinking about you." She began to wiggle her capris down a little lower until the top of tiny looking black silk panties could be seen.

"I think he'll like that," I responded, not adding how I liked it.

Her eyes flashed at me. "That was for you, Ashleigh. I'm not only a friend."

I immediately wanted to protest and tell her I was attracted to her personality, not just her body, but I couldn't get it out. Every time I tried to speak my eyes wandered to that tiny fabric that looked like a thong and her slender stomach disappearing into it.

She watched me looking at that spot and then looking away. Her eyes twinkled and with a "c'm here," she lead me around a corner and down a side street where it was a little darker and quieter. There were a few people around but not like on the main Strip. She drew me closer to her. "Ashleigh," she started. "You should know something. About me. Before. I mean. Wow, I can't get it out. I think you are about to hear one of my stupid things."

I wanted to reassure her, but we were too close now to think. I remembered staring like this at my first serious boyfriend as we worked our way towards a first kiss. What I loved or hated, I don't know which, is that it felt just as good. I wanted this to happen. "What's the stupid thing?"

"Ashleigh, when not working, I'm.... No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't say anything. That's far too much pressure on you. I am being stupid."

"I can handle it."

"But you don't need to handle it. It's my issue."

"What are we talking about, Gui-Feng?"

She only shook her head. "Ashleigh," she looked into my eyes, "would you touch me?"

Oh yes, I could do that. I couldn't help but look around first though. There were only a few people and it was dark. Was that man looking at us? Maybe. Oh, who cares? My body was just a couple inches from hers. "Where?" I asked.

She smiled but it quickly vanished. "Here," she replied with a breath and lifted her shirt just a touch to indicate the spot between her navel and her now low-riding capris. The place I had been staring at. My heart pounded under my breast.

"I'll try." I raised a hand slowly towards her, but I could see it shaking.

"You don't have to, Ashleigh. You're scared."

"I want to." I did, so why was I shaking? I gently placed my fingers just touching her skin. I could barely feel her because my hand was trembling so much that any contact was momentary. "It looks like I am scared," I added as we both stood there watching my hand twitching up and down as it barely grazed her body.

"That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," Gui-Feng replied.

"Yes, you are," I answered before stopping myself.

"You have a hair in your eyes," Gui-Feng said and I felt her cool breath on my face as she blew the stray lock away. "I wanted to see you," she explained.

I nodded, but kept staring at her abdomen. Her pants were low enough now that I realized that she must shave some part of herself. I hadn't done that at all. Why hadn't I done anything to get ready for this beautiful woman? I could see my lips on that skin, right where my fingers were, kissing downwards.

"Would you like to move your fingers lower or, um, to the side, or anything? I don't mind; I mean, I'd like that."

Lower? Caress the most beautiful stomach in the world? I tried to make my fingers do it but they just sat there not moving, only shaking. I tried again but they wouldn't go. The shaking was getting worse. I wasn't even touching her now. Was my whole body trembling?

Gui-Feng moved away just a step and grabbed both of my hands. "Ashleigh, relax. We'll get you there. Okay? I know it's hard. I've been through this before."

Why was it hard though? Why don't I own my own mind?

Gui-Feng shook her head. "Good lord, Ashleigh. I'm supposed to be seducing Ken and here we are. Wow, what you do to me."

"Me?"

"C'mon, Ken's probably been sitting with a bottle of water for 10 minutes." We started walking the twenty feet back to the main road. "Now, we must remember," she said with a light laugh. "I'm supposed to be seducing him!"

I realized I had never really thought about this part, but I knew how I felt. "I want you to, Gui-Feng," I told her. "It seems best."

"Good," she replied. "We'll know if it is working if he starts clinging to you."

"If he wants you, why cling to me?"

"Protection."

When we found Ken she started her seduction as oddly as I could imagine. "Ken, I think your wife is the cutest thing ever."

"Of course, she is."

---

We continued down the Strip, but I wasn't really with Ken and Gui-Feng for most of it. My feet kept up, but my mind was still in the street with the ghost of Gui-Feng. All she had wanted was a caress. Why couldn't I do it? I didn't live in a closet. I had been out to bars in college where women frenched each other to the delight of their boyfriends. I had been out with lesbian friends or co-workers who kissed in front of me. I wasn't scared of being with another woman. Not like that. Was I?

I caught Gui-Feng's lips shining in the neon lights, moist and rich. I just watched them moving. Opening and closing. She was talking to Ken. Oh, how they rounded so beautifully on some words, as if she was kissing the air as she spoke. I saw her tongue move slightly between her lips and then back in. Then her mouth was opening wide, a laugh. Ken had said something which delighted her. Thank you, Ken. But I waited for her lips to round again, and there it was. Another kiss of the air. A verbal caress.

Would she use those lips to kiss me? A kiss that I could fall into forever. A kiss I could hold. A kiss to take with me for all time. I felt a pain in my arm, and I looked down to see my nails digging in hard.

Ken was taking my arm, hugging me as we walked. I smiled at him and tried to get my mind off of our new companion. Continuing to fail, the walk turned into flashes of brilliance and darkness. Each one a separate movie that connected to nothing. A world of moments.

Some woman pushing a deep purple ad into my hands. Its edges felt sharp as if they were going to slice into my palms.

Ken leaning in towards Gui-Feng's slender neck. No, it was her ear. He was trying to say something for her alone. Or was he going for our first kiss? His eyes were on mine, talking to me, reading me. I wanted him to kiss her, didn't I? He pulled back.

Soft lips nibbling along my ear, a warm breath on my neck, a pair of hard nipples pushing against my naked body. No, that wasn't real, of course. Right? I looked down to find my clothes still covering me.

"Kira?" Gui-Feng talking to Ken. "She finished at UCLA and then got a bunch of retail jobs. Her dream was to turn her modeling into a fashion line of some sort. I haven't spoken to her for a few years, so I don't know how it's gone. I know she's married. Two kids. Do you remember Rich, the photographer?"

Ice cream suddenly all over Gui-Feng's mouth as she laughed delightedly. She grinned as Ken used a napkin to tenderly wipe it away, not looking at me this time. I suddenly felt fingers on my lips as well, and I kissed them before I could stop myself. What light, lovely fingers. It was only when my lips touched them that I realized they were my own.

A single tear on Gui-Feng's cheek as she looked at me. Why?

My chest heaving, my pelvis thrust into the air, into a hand whose fingers were deep inside me. My orgasm coursed through my body making my eyes flutter. Gui-Feng held me as if we would fall into an abyss if we dared let go.

Ken's eye traveling along Gui-Feng's body as she reclined on some steps, her bare foot pointed towards the cloud-covered moon and a 30 foot billboard. Her dark red top was sliding up the smoothest torso on earth, the one I had not dared even touch.

Ken's arm wrapping in mine again, this time not for me. For protection.

With one last block that we all walked arm in arm, we were at the volcano. We had hit it just right as the lights started to flash as we approached.

"How're you doing, Ashleigh?" Gui-Feng asked as the music started. "You've been elsewhere now for a long time."

"I'm still on that side street with you."

"Remember that you are only here to do what you want. Nothing more."

"Or less," I responded. I didn't want to leave this town without Gui-Feng. Oh god, why had I thought that?

"Or less," she echoed. The noise was getting louder and the water of the volcano was rumbling. "But remember your life goes on after tonight. You don't have to fulfill every dream today."

"But I don't have you after tonight."

"That's nothing-"

"I like you," Gui-Feng. "I like you very much."

"But we just met, Ashleigh. We hardly know each other."

"That's what I tell myself."

Gui-Feng caught her breath. I caught her looking around as the water from the volcano began to shoot into the air. She found Ken a few steps away. "Ashleigh, I wanted to tell you something earlier, but I knew I shouldn't. I still know I shouldn't but I'm going to."

"What?"

"The reason I remember Ken."

There was more to that story?

"I remember Ken because I was head over heels for Kira Pham. It was just a crush. I discovered that later when I fell in love for real. But at the time, I thought she was everything I wanted. You get what I am saying?"

I nodded. She was telling me she was available after tonight. She was telling me she was what I wanted and what I had feared.

"When Kira came clinging to me that night, I was so excited, but all she could talk about was Ken. Then she made me stand by her side as she asked someone else out. I could barely keep my legs upright. When Kenji declined, I was the happiest girl in the world. Of course, Kira wasn't. I spent most of the night comforting her, telling her there were other people who cared for her if she could just see it."

"Did she ever know how you felt?"

Gui-Feng shook her head. "She wasn't into me. I always knew that. Completely straight."

"I'm into you, Gui-Feng," poured out before I could think better.

"I hope so," she replied and turned to me, taking my hands. Music blared and everything around me was a mass of flickering light. I could hear water falling back into its pool with a thunderous splash as the fake eruption ended. My eyes wandered up Gui-Feng's body as we stood close again. I thought I could see her chest moving from her thumping heart inside, but maybe I was just imagining my heart inside her. I looked up into her eyes. They were beckoning to me, as were her lips. Here it was. Time to kiss.

The lights were done and her lips were moving to mine. Just past her head I could see people. People watching us. Or looking away quickly. How many? All watching. All watching me and her. No, don't watch. This is just about us. Go away, all of you. Was that a cat call?

"Not here, I can't," I almost cried out, backing away from her.

Gui-Feng seemed to startle and look around. There were all sorts of people watching us. Mostly men, but some women, too. She gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. She was taking my hand, fleeing.

"I'm so sorry; I'm so sorry. What was I doing? I was asking your first kiss to be in front of 200 people. Omigod. I'm so stupid. I got carried away and forgot. Will you ever forgive me?"

I felt like she did, but my sense of humor came to the rescue. "I think I would have remembered our first kiss without the volcano and audience."

A laugh escaped through her still-covered mouth. "Ashleigh, I am an idiot. This is the exact opposite of what I am supposed to be. I'm supposed to be helping you, not terrifying you, but I can't think straight when we are close. God, I shouldn't say that either."

"It's okay. I mean, I wanted to find out what it is like to be with another woman. And I'm getting it."

"For real," she responded. "I know a safer place for all this. Let me find Ken and ask for some time for the two of us. He can't go where we need to."

"But he's supposed to be a part of this. I want him here."

"Just temporary. I promise I won't take him from you."

I slowly nodded, and she jogged back off into the throng. But would she take me from him? People were still looking at her, a few of them laughing, then back at me. Suddenly, a new feeling was arising in me. I was getting pissed off. These ass holes were making fun of someone as perfect as Gui-Feng?! I was about to march back in there, stick my tongue in Gui-Feng's mouth, and kick one of them in the balls, when she jogged back out to me. She looked at me and sensed my mood.

"Forget about them. Waste of your emotions. Ken's okay. Let's go."

"Where?"

"GirlBar."

---

You could tell we were getting close to our destination by looking at the people going by. More and more small groups of women, some holding hands confidently, some giggling and running, some walking along quietly as if they didn't want to be seen. One executive, still in her business suit from her day at work, came stumbling by hanging on to a thin Goth girl with purple hair and a lip ring. I couldn't help but wonder if this was going to be the executive's first time, too. Considering her inability to walk, would she even remember it? We ended up in a small line, waiting with twenty other women.

"Is it just a lesbian bar?"

"Not exactly. More like a club or a party. This place caters to gay men every other night of the week but on Saturdays it gets converted over for women."

"Only once a week?"

She shrugged. "Men and women aren't the same."

"So the name of the bar is BoyBar normally?"

Gui-Feng laughed. "No, GirlBar is an organization that hosts parties. They do the Dinah Shore weekend if you know it."

I had to shake my head.

A call suddenly came from a large bouncer. "Hey, baby, you can go on in." She was talking to Gui-Feng. The bouncer was a she, I think, but she was doing everything she could to make it unclear. "You know you don't have to wait out here." A chain was moved and Gui-Feng led us towards the door.

"But I always do," my partner responded.

"It's because you want to see me," came the bouncer's reply.

Gui-Feng kissed her cheek. "You figured me out." Definitely a woman. She had breasts, which you could see when she leaned in for her kiss. But wait. Was that a bulge in her pants? A large one?