All Comments on 'Mandy's Letter To Santa Claus'

You are probably the luckiest writer in the world in that you have great ideas and write compassionately. However, I do have some editing suggestions which I will confine to the first seven paragraphs. If you feel these improve readability, I encourage you to change similar structural "weaknesses" in the rest of the story:

"The snow falling out on the playground" (consider removing "out")

"Mary smiled up at" (In this paragraph, consider 2-3 short sentences, it would read better)

"smelt" (consider using "smelled"..more common)

"go join..." (consider replacing "and" with "while.")

"Mandy actually..." (consider taking out the word "today" and delete "laid up in bed" from the sentence as well)

"That night..." (consider taking out "at all.")

"She held..." (consider replacing "their" with "her")

"condition of house..." (consider taking out "overgrown grass"- you inadvertently mixed up the condition of the outside of the house with the inside of the house)

"all over the place" (consider replacing with "house")

"She bought...." (consider replacing 2nd "she" with "Mandy")

I believe in your writing. You have an important message here which deserves the best possible presentation. Hope these comments are helpful to you!

Sack

It's 3:45 in the morning, and I'm writing too fast...

In my last comment, toward the end, this is what I should have wrote:

"if they ever came home that night" (consider replacing "that night" with "at all" to avoid repeating the word "night")

"all over the house" (consider replacing "house" with "place" to avoiding using "house" too many times.)

By the way, Literotica has a free volunteer editor service which I hope you will take advantage of. As I said before, structural problems are easy to fix....the content is fine!!

(((((((((Sack)))))))))) Happy Thanksgiving and if your editor would you edit mine?

Unfortunately, your topic is one that we sometimes try to sweep under the "carpet" at this time of the year. How many of our beautiful children are in this position is beyond understanding. Thank you for nudging my perception back into place. Bryan.

Hmmm I dunno if "Sack" is one but I KNOW that I am one :)))) Would you consider me????....please, pretty please lolllll

No seriously I am an editor, and from what I hear from the writers I work with I'm good at it...I would love to help you and make your already good writing even better.

Take a look at my editor profile if you're interested and you can contact me from there.

done another erotic write...grin ^5

my erotic tail~

This is very stand up, and well written on a subject we all turn our backs on. You are a childs angel and this I know from being able to see you every day and the work you do.

for giving us such a moving and beautiful story. We seem to forget so many out there don't have a Christmas and when it affects a child it brings reality to light.

thank you for sharing this.

Oh this story touched my heart, soul and mind. Thank you.

I loved every word of it. You are so talented it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you.

Thank you for reminding me about the spirit of christmas.

YOU HAVE TRULY CAPTURE THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS. TO OFTEN WE RUSH AROUND FORGETTING REAL REASON WE ARE CELEBRATING THAT DAY

My Friend, again you show the inside of erotica writings! Bravo! Bravo! Tis a pleasure to watch your sweet loving mind unfold, I'm honored to call you friend. Thank you for reminding everyone what it means to love and care for others. *hugs*

I need to buy stock in kleenex when reading your writings

The story is almost old-fashioned in its sentimentality and has potential. But as Sack suggested, it does need editing to make it shine.

This made tears well up in my eyes,you touched on a subject too often ignored, with sympathy, integity, and real understanding..thank you .

This is a good story! You can really bring tears to peoples eyes!

Brilliant, I am a man in my 60's but you brought tears to my eyes as I identify (almost) with what that little girl went through. There are so many wicked and evil people about who would harm little children, if there is a hell I hope they rot there forever while you go on writing your explosive stories...thank you xxx

Tragic how so many people, especially children, go through the holidays enduring poverty, homelessness, abuse, hunger. And too many times, we're too caught up in our own celebrations to even give it a second thought.

At least Miss Bells was kind enough to provide Mandy one moment of the hope and happiness that she has never experienced. Very touching.

Thanks for writing a story that needs to be read by alot of people. There are many mean parents in this world who do not deserve children. I am like Mandy in one aspect , as my parents were very abusive. However, I am one of the lucky one who survived. Thanks to one caring teacher, and grandparents who stepped in and raised me.

I loved it. I may not have had a physically abusive home life while I was growing up, but my parents were rarely home. I remember inviting myself over to friends houses for dinner after school some days just to be with someone. So yes I know a little about this from experience. Please keep writing, this was a well written story.

I am a modern redneck, I do walk to a different sound. one of the three things that should have an automatic death penality is deliberately harming a child. If we could just stop it before it starts, but we can make damn sure it doesn't happen twice.

that was a good story. It almost made me cry.

Damn! That hurt.

I Gotta say it wasn't what I was expecting but it was still as Impactful, to me personally. And Loved that you've written this story as a Dedication to all of the Abused and Neglected Children around the world.

too much pain

A very moving story, Had me choked up while reading it. A story to provoke thoughts of those that could use compassion.

Sniff 😢

Story brought tears to my eyes. Not enough stars ⭐️ ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

We have a family in church that adopted 4 girls from a mother that had issues but was not abusive. But didn’t have enough food and proper clothing in the frozen state we live in.

Sorry that I’m a redneck when it comes to child abduction and abuse. Short rope and a tall tree

Great read

Thank you 🙏

Wonderful story!

5

A sad but true tale of abuse children go through. Whose only crime was to be born. I just hope there is a Hell for her “parents”.