by sophia jane
The story took too long to develop. Over much dull detail on the hiking and getting lost. Flaubert said that the quality of what you write is defined by how much you are prepared to cut out from the first drafts. The sex was clinical rather than imaginative.
Your writing style flows so well, I got caught up in the story, instead of 'reading'. Very good!
I enjoyed your tale <grin> nice write, good luck and happy earth day!
Really enjoyed it.
Just as I was beginning to think it was going to get silly you had that lovely twist!
Great dialogue and good luck with the contest.
xx
The perils of camping make me shiver - but not with fear ;-) Great writing!
Certainly decent writing but the story was weird. It was not realistic but was not a strong fantasy either. The elements of rape were rather mild and the sexuality was subdued. What was it all about after all?
If I ever got lost in the woods, I'd be found by a seedy old ranger with gas. Nice twist and good setting.
Rumple
My biggest fear in life is being lost in the woods, so I found this both terrifying and arousing. What a great fantasy. Much luck in the contest! -Scarlett
Nonconsent/reluctance can be tricky to write. Nice storyline! Good luck!
Your story for the most part was great...but it wasnt completely erotic....it was missing something. I started out erotic...but when Caroline didnt end up getting pleasured and it was just watching and had to satisfy herself?..hmmm...a bit lacking sorry.
LS
I'm a fan of your poetry, but your writing is superb as well, keep it up SJ!
I think you handled the nonconsent well. The story was a great read! Good Luck.
loved it! very erotic... i also love the little twist that he wasn't going to have sex with her and she ended up wishing that he woudl! that was great =D
*HUGS*
What a pleasurable read! Nice set-up with a conclusion that was erotic and not over the top.
Thanks for writing!
Sexmate
I really enjoyed the dialogue and descriptions from the beginning of the story and onward. The end was just...well...yummy. :)
This is different for you, and a terrific story. Will there be more Caroline stories? She's fun to watch "learn."