All Comments on 'Lagoona Lane Ch. 01'

This is like a bad parody of Desperate Housewives. You can do much better.

another good story from a great author i hope you continue this story. i am curious to see what happens for the residnets of this street

Your series of party of 5 is quite a strong series because it gets you to start wondering whats going to happen next in the series. You start developing your own preferences for where its going to go from here and wait to see how close to the mark you were. That however completely differs with this short story. It moves from character to character and everyones so shallow you can hardly care much about whats going to happen in the next paragraph. Perhaps you have some grand idea on how your going to tie all of these characters together and if thats the case you seem to be in a too in a rush to develop them which i think is a shame since you seemed to have started out by thinking about the background of some of the characters but then followed it up with no depth =(.

why would anyone be "incensed" you took a break from misspelling and grammatical errors?

please, take a long enough break to learn how to write.

This is an ok start to a new series. Obviously you plan to expand but the characters do seem flat and rushed to production in this story. Keep the story going and ill continue to be a loyal reader.

I'm a big fan of your writing but I'm not quite sure what to think of this yet, it struck me as a bit flippant and the style of writing is a bit different from your usual (I think). The ending paragraph particuarly just seemed strange to me

Having said that, I've loved some of your previous work and I'll keep reading, I know you can write superbly so I'm sure there's good things to come