Journey Into the Darkside

During our chat line talks, Nicky had related her need to be filled with sexual toys and other objects. Over the course of our time together, we experimented with many different objects, some of which are recalled here. That first night we used a cucumber, a small, single-rose vase, and the glow-in-the-dark vibrator we purchased at the bookstore.

However, Nicky had been totally intrigued by something I had told her on the chat line that I would do with her... She didn't believe it was possible, but she asked if I would fist her. I didn't know either—I'd just been talking when I said I would put my hand inside of her and make a fist, because I had seen pictures of it being done in some European publications. I'd always thought it was trick photography myself! But here on my bed was an attractive, darkside submissive who needed to be penetrated by my entire hand! I had to admit being stimulated myself at the thought of actually getting my hand inside this slimly built woman!

I lubed her up nicely with lubricating jelly, getting her mind juiced up, also. Nicky could get hot just from being looked at. She opened her legs, and began to push at my fingers, first two, spreading her sex opening as wide as I could. Then, a third finger, to push her cunt outward in different directions. Nicky was really getting into it, pushing against my fingers, holding my wrists close to the work, not wanting to let me pull out. She writhed her hips, fucking, humping, and pushing herself against my hand.

As I worked my pinky finger into her, I began to feel that maybe it could be done. She really wanted my hand inside her, and I don't like to disappoint my sex partners. Now I was in, to the crook of my thumb, which was folded inside, crossing under my fingers.

Nicky wasn't a large woman, and my hands, while not small, have long, slender fingers. I thought if I could work my thumb in, I could in fact make a fist inside of Nicky. She was stretched outrageously by my fingers, but she wouldn't stop, and she wouldn't let me pull out. As the joint of my thumb reached her entrance though, I knew I couldn't safely go any further. I was not about to cause injury to this woman, as much I wanted to give her the pleasure she was straining for. But Nicky kept pushing against my hand. I didn't want to quit, so I just held position.

For the next four or five minutes, I was Nicky's sex prop, holding my hand in position while she tried every angle possible to get totally fisted. In the end, she had to give up. We tried again several times during the relationship, but we never were able to get her fisted.

Nicky was a total match in terms of all our sexual frenzies, but initially I found her appetite almost totally lacking for romance or passion. Nicky didn't enjoy being touched other than for sexual attention. When I attempted to kiss her during our frequent coupling, she was mostly cold and non-responsive to it. I used that night to begin to get acquainted with the basics of the D&s lifestyle. What was important to Nicky was that she'd met someone who would explore her fantasies with her, without judgment. We had sex all night long, much of it kinky, stopping only short periods of time for rest or refreshments.

One thing we were able to get done very well that night, and repeatedly throughout those months was anal sex. To my amazement, Nicky didn't tire from being anally mounted, fucked, humped, or any other description of the activity. I was awakened the next morning at six am (we'd already done the 2:30 to 3:30, and 4:00-5:00 couplings) to find Nicky had impaled herself anally on my cock. Usually, a man's support is required for anal sex. Nicky had already managed to get herself ready, and was driving against my dick before I ever completely woke up! I skewered the 'beast' into her, and moved her onto her hands and knees. As I mounted her, my cock rammed deep into her ass, Nicky swooned in appreciation for it's continued hardness after frequent sessions during the night. I couldn't stop myself—I was so taken with her zeal for erotic submission, I'd gotten caught up in it to a point where it seemed that nothing was enough for either of us.

"ssss-ss..." she began... Then, words some men live to hear... "Sodomize me... ooohhh! Sodomize me-e... Sir!, Do it... Take me!!!"

"Take it, Nicky... Take my cock in your ass, baby!! It's there for you!!"

And she did. Nicky reared her head, and pushed backward mightily, taking all that I had to give her, and wanting even more!! I strained into her, holding on, a feeling of utter sexual abandonment washing over both of us... I felt my need to cum building again, deep within my balls, and that spurred me to dig into her even harder! Instinctively, I spanked Nicky's left ass cheek hard, and again, then reached across my body and inflicted the same punishment to her right cheek. Nicky howled, and bucked under me...

"Yes Sir!! Ride me, Sir... Ride this bitches' ass!!" She was almost mindlessly into the lustful, darkside play, again.

As was I. I felt as if I should be wearing spurs, because I needed to take this wild, never before entered forbidden territory and claim it for myself ... Nicky bucked and shook. I slapped, spanked, and rode, pulling her head back by the hair. Finally, a heavy guttural groan came from deep with her and she collapsed onto the bed, still impaled on my ramrod cock. But it was too late for me to rein in. I pulled out, and emptied my juices in waves into her ass crack, and it puddled there, testimony to our first night of wild sexual play.

I managed to squeeze out a final (Nicky's) orgasm, telling her that I would need all day to rest. She agreed, saying that I needed rest so that when she came back, I'd be ready for more exploring!

An Unfulfilled Vanilla Life

I discovered that Nicky was married, but separated from a stoical, sadistic husband, and her submissive attitudes had been developed as a result of his repression of her naturally ebullient sexual desires. He used her only to meet his sexual needs, which were infrequent at best and usually lasted only about 15 minutes. Though they shared a marriage bed, it wasn't much of a marriage. According to Nicky, he demanded that the bed be pushed hard against the wall sideways, and he slept on the outside. In order for her to leave the bed for any reason, she had to pass over or around him. Nicky confided that most of the time she felt like a trapped mouse, and her social and sexual needs simply were wasted, or worse, withered from non-use.

Nicky was a professional Visiting Nurse who made house calls to recently released hospital patients all over the state. Her patients needed daily attention, and she provided the same level of rehabilitation and medical attention they'd received from hospital nurses. She had a teenage son who lived with her, so her life was pretty much confined to her job and being a single-parent mother. She said she'd made what she considered a final attempt to find companionship, and when that didn't work, she decided to further explore the road into D&s, which her husband had unwittingly begun for her. She'd contacted me on the date line because she sensed some controlling characterizations in my voice and profile.

Domination and Submission, 101

As we continued to see each other, I began to realize that Domination and submission is much more than an excuse for letting go of the reins on one's sexual inhibitions. It required a lot of reading, and getting a sense of exactly who we really are/what we are about. D&s is certainly not for everyone, and I knew that if I was going to subscribe to the lifestyle, I needed to do some serious self-examination as to how I wanted to structure my life within its framework. How does a Dominant relate to a submissive? Just exactly what do the terms 'Ownership/Possession,' 'Respect,' 'Gift of Submission,' etc., mean within the lifestyle? I had to come to grips with those, and many other similar issues. Nicky and I agreed that our relationship should be allowed to seek its natural level. She was naturally submissive, and I was certainly beginning to search/explore the dominant traits within myself. We felt no need to pursue a structured, formal D&s relationship.

I immediately resolved one issue—that of ownership, or possession. I never bought into the idea of one person owning or possessing another. If a person is submissive, they give their gift of submission to a Dom that they Trust, Respect, and Love. It's a 'gift,' not a right of ownership by the Dom, and it's given only so long as the Dom deserves it. From my perspectives, a 'good Dom' will TAILOR HIMSELF to accommodate the gift that the submissive has to give. Having said that, my 4th rule of submission within this lifestyle is 'My relationship with my One is unique to He and I. The level at which we choose to explore is our decision, and my gift of submission to him means that I TRUST his dominion over me. His exploration of me and with me is open, with limits and activities to be determined by Him, after initial discussion.'

Nicky and I had our next encounter a few days later. As a nurse, Nicky's hours were kind of unpredictable, and she sometimes worked late. She lived in Columbia, MD., about 40 minutes from me, so it wasn't going to be every evening that we'd have an opportunity to spend time together. She called me that evening about 9:30, and though she hadn't asked, it was apparent that she really needed to give herself to me again. We'd had one phone conversation since our initial session, but her submissive/sexual needs had seemed somewhat sated, and she appeared kinda aloof and distracted. I took the initiative and told her that I required her presence that evening. I gave her instructions on time (between 11:00 and 11:05 pm ONLY), dress (to stimulate), and attitude (totally submissive), as I felt a need to reinforce the D&s 'thing,' which I still didn't understand.

She arrived within the required timeframe, wearing a mid-thigh skirt and button down blouse which this time showed a substantial amount of cleavage. As I answered the doorbell, she stood there, head bowed, hands clasped together in front of her. I looked at her, expecting her to enter.

She stood there waiting, and finally asked, "Permission to enter, Sir?"

"Enter, Nicky." I reflected on that later as I trained or interviewed other potential submissives. I was being trained by this submissive.

Nicky followed me into the living room, which had matching a white leather sofa, loveseat, and chair set. I sat on the loveseat, expecting her to follow my lead and sit. Instead, once more Nicky stood, awaiting some lead from me. Thinking fast, I focused on the comforter which was laying on the sofa. I directed her to place the comforter on the floor, and to assume the 'submissive position' upon it. She could have stood on her head, and I wouldn't have known the difference. But she was solemn, showing respect to someone she really wanted to follow through with on the dominant attributes knew was within him.

As she placed the comforter, she remained in a head averted and bowed posture. Nicky went onto her knees, spread them apart (she hiked her skirt high onto her thighs to do that), and placed her palms face up along the front of her thighs. Her head remained bowed, her attitude solemn, with no words spoken. I watched her in that position for several minutes, trying to appear confident, in charge, and matter-of-fact. My cock was betraying me in my trousers, however. It had grown taut and insistent since she entered my home, and now was anxious for it's own personal and intimate attention.

"Are you ready for me, Nicky?" I asked sternly.

"Yes, Sir." She responded, quietly.

"What are you feeling right now, baby? Be very clear and truthful with me... That is something that is non-negotiable. I want you to understand that within these walls—within our space, we are to be absolutely truthful about our needs and desires, and what we are feeling. Is that clear?"

"I understand, Sir,' Nick said. "That is what I seek also."

"So, what are you feeling?"

"Anxious, Sir..."

"Explain, Nicky."

"I've been anxious since the drive down here. I've needed to feel your presence, your power and control for the past several days. I didn't want to push you, Sir."

"And, do you, Nicky? Do you feel me?"

"Yes, Sir... I d-do."

I could actually feel the tension coming from within her. I could feel her urgent need to submit, to do my bidding. And I felt absolutely incapable at that moment of proceeding with what I felt was a farce being perpetrated on those submissive senses. My sense of desire was there, however, and my creative juices began to flow, and I envisioned the servicing slut (scene) playing out before me.

I directed Nicky to remain kneeling, and I proceeded to inspect her, thoroughly. I inspected her face, her breasts, hands/nails then had her bow face down into the comforter as I inspected her buttocks, and pubis. As she was directed to turn and lay face up, I inspected her legs, pubis (yes, again), feet, and toes/nails. Upon completion of the inspection I placed myself on the loveseat, about eight feet away from her, and summoned her to me.

Nicky crawled to me, and placed her face on the inside of my thighs, awaiting further instructions. She was already approaching mindless obedience, but I didn't know about 'sub-space' at that time. I directed that Nicky remove my trousers, which she did.

I went to my knees next to her, and asked, "Do you trust me, baby?"

"Yes, Sir, she replied.

Sensing a need to further exert my control, and having no tools to work with presented a problem. I got creative again. I placed my hands loosely around her neck.

"Look at me," I said, staring deeply into her eyes. After I had our eyes locked firmly into each others, I began to encircle her neck with my hands, softly but insistently, until they were firmly squeezing, but making sure her air passage remained unobstructed. Nicky never flinched. She continued her gaze upward into my eyes, simply waiting for my next move, or release. Her trust so endeared me to her that as I released my grip on her neck, I pulled her face into my chest and caressed her golden hair lovingly. I moved her face down across my abdomen until she could feel the hardness of my 'beast's' need for her. I only had to wait. I knew she would be unable to resist the smell, turgid hardness, and heat of my manhood so close to her face. Two minutes later, without awaiting permission, she had gone on all fours and taken me into her mouth, greedily devouring the length of my cock. I wasn't about to allow her to take my seed there, though. I spanked her ass cheeks, exacting a ringing sound in the room. I directed her to the steps leading upstairs. She crawled to the stairs, moved to the third step, and kneeled, face down, her skirt up and her buttocks offering themselves to meet my needs. I penetrated her in that submissive position, fucking her pussy and mouth steadily up the stairs on our knees, arriving there about 30 minutes later.

This time, Nicky readily warmed up to my attempts at being more than a Dominant. As we made love, I nuzzled her face, and she anxiously sought more. I mounted her in bed, straining to pleasure her and accept her submissive gifts, and she cried out, her screams and moans passionately rewarding me, and spurring my efforts even more. She buried her face in my chest and bit and kissed at my arms, letting me know she approved of the manly way I was taking her treasures. As I kissed her face, she sought my lips with hers, responding with passions that I'd just assumed she didn't have. As I looked down into her face afterwards, I could see the wetness in her eyes, tears that said tonight was indeed special to her, too.

We lay together, Nicky facing away from me, and 'spooned' firmly into my crotch. My 'beast' responded again, wanting more, but it wasn't to happen again that night. I put one arm under her neck, and encircled it, holding her firmly with both arms, only occasionally sliding one hand down her hips to make sure she was as fully 'locked in' as I could manage.

We slept soundly that night, fully bathed and consumed in the afterglow of our play and lovemaking. I sensed a real difference in what Nicky and I had experienced, compared to any of my previous sexual relationships. This was so different; I had been made to feel as if I was sitting on a throne, and this beautiful creature was mine, to do with as I wished. Of course, it wasn't quite so simple. In addition to assuming control of Nicky, I also had to assume some real responsibilities.

From then on we totally immersed ourselves into the lifestyle. Of course, I told her that she was my first submissive, and how the date line played into our finding each other. She laughed, and said that it was obvious to her from the first minutes we were together that I 'hadn't a clue...' As we continued our play, I began to take on a more polished Dominant posture, becoming more confident and structured in how I related to Nicky. As for her, she reveled in our times together, sometimes almost child-like (sometimes irresponsible), but also displaying an almost totally unrestrained and wanton need to explore areas of her sexuality which she had previously been forced to suppress.

Late Night Darkside Play

Late one cold November night, I summoned Nicky to me with a very specific set of instructions. I directed her to drive to me (40 miles of driving) wearing only her slut collar, a pair of stockings/garterbelt (never pantyhose), 3-inch heels, and her full-length London Fog coat. She was to wear nothing else. I directed that she arrive at my door between 11:02 and 11:04 pm. If she was too early or too late, she would find the door locked, and she would not be allowed in (she was used to that instruction, by now). She was specifically not to get undressed in the car just prior to arrival. The door would be unlocked, and Nicky would enter the darkened house and remove her coat, leaving it in the foyer. She was not to turn on any lights, nor to make any sound. Then, she was to come up the stairs and into the Master bedroom, where she would remove her heels. Nicky was to assume the submissive position for exactly two minutes, before getting into bed. My final instruction was that she was to submit to, make love/have sex/fuck whatever or whomever she found in the bed. She was told that it could be me, another person (male or female) and I, another person only, or sex toys or tools.

Nicky followed instructions exactly. She drove the 40 miles, arriving and entering my home at exactly 11:02 pm. She came into the house, removed her coat downstairs, came silently up the darkened stairs, removed her shoes as she entered my bedroom, and went to her knees, head bowed. After two minutes, she arose, got into the bed, where she and I proceeded to enjoy wildly erotic love-making. She later told me that she was so turned on by thoughts of what might be awaiting her in my bed that it never occurred to her to be concerned about driving at night in only her trench-coat, stockings and heels!

Early that morning, I was awakened by the telephone. Nicky and I had been on a sexual 'high' for most of the night, and had forced ourselves apart only a couple of hours earlier, to get some much needed sleep. It wasn't to be. The phone rang insistently, and I groggily answered it. It was Lisa, a woman with whom I had shared several episodes of mind-boggling telephone sex—she was calling to get her early-morning 'fix.' Lisa worked nights as a security guard in a Federal Office Building on Pennsylvania Avenue, only a couple of blocks from the White House. As she put it, the job was boring, and she entertained herself by indulging in covert acts of masturbation.