by carolinahusband
A lovely start to a promising story with some tender love interest. I awat the next instalment.
Hey, that was very well done! Your characters are believable and well-drawn. And they're off to a very hot start for what should be a very hot summer.
Nice job on your first attempt. I liked the story line and your characters. Looking forward to more!
A well written, steamy first submission. I would have liked to know about how old Mrs. Raymond was, and perhaps more description of her looks? hair - straight or wavy? full lips or thin? etc.
Maybe in the next installment, she might return the oral favor?
A very erotic piece of work, nicely paced and quite romantic.
Very good work, even better for a first piece.
Well done.
Great start to a writing career. Keep up the good work and we are waiting for the next chapter.
Great start to a writing career. Keep up the good work and we are waiting for the next chapter.
Pretty good job of writing overall. The prose is well done and the author's style is easy to like. Like many starting authors, he generates an unfortunate mental image when he writes "My cock exploded violently inside her..." Ewwww, yuck. The guy came so hard his dick blew up. Gosh, I bet that left a mark on Doug and on Deb. Being descriptive is good, it makes the scene or the character interesting. Going overboard is not so good.
Not much plot but then again it's early as this is only chapter 1. We've not seen an impact character yet so we can only anticipate what the central conflict in the story will be.
The characters are nicely done. Doug is a young man, grown up some from his high school days but still relatively inexperienced in the ways of the world. Deb has seen the elephant and knows that relationships often don't go as we hope. That it takes more than lust, more than love to find happiness with someone else. They're both likeable and we don't any trouble identifying with them. That's good authorship and nicely done.
Good start for a May/December romance tale. I look forward to future chapters.
The pace was nice. The romance was even better. The mixed emotions very well done. The ending was excellent.
I felt I knew the characters personally.
Great Job!
The best "lawn mowing" I have read.
I have submitted four stories and most
of the plots have been from my female co-workers.
Perhaps your wife has picked up a tale or two from
her buddies at work.
You write in an excellent style
Love
Rosehipe