All Comments on 'Elizabeth's Vaquero'

I think you did very well for your first story. Any rough edges will get better with each one. Congratulations!

"Where has she come from? Why was she way out there alone? Why does she have to be so lovely to look at? What would he do with her now? His tired brain rejected the questions and he gave up trying to come up with the answers. He added more wood to the fire. He puts a lid on the bean pot and set it further back on the stove. He closed the dampener all but a tiny bit and then picked up the kettle, k"

Uh, where's the end of this paragraph? The grammar errors and spelling errors in this *ahem* masterpiece make even Scott X look adequate.

Good start, keep em coming

Kain!

A decent first story. Good imagination. Short choppy sentences kinda bugged me.

This one seems like a snippet from a much larger story. Were you planning on doing it as a series?

So what did you do with ALL THAT JUNK INSIDE YOUR TRUNK...Maybe became an mexican bartender and started your 'small bar empire' (and from that day forward everytime you went home you 'had to tell your parents you were at an mexican band camp learning to play music';at least till you 'had to start doing public appearances in your opening and or old clubs and bars that started spanning the globe') with an $20 double eagle,which was matched by your new beau,and out drunk all your customers;Except those three customers you just never could quite out drink;like haveing '3 barneys from the simpsons' all trying to stick their heads under and onto on of the 8 to 12 barrels keg taps at the same time.Was HE an gunman?Did you become an gunmans bitch?Or were you already that way at heart?Wanna do it again?LOL!"Elizabeth?...What kind of after school job pays in $20 gold double eagles and gold dabloons...?."She says;"welll;(bites her bottom lip)my friend louie kinda set me up,and I just happened to be in the right place at the right time with all that cheap tequilla and mexican whisky I was driveing back to california with because 'whats his name was and did come in the next day' and we all wanted it to be like old times and the week before when we all met everything was closed and we didnt have 'no dranks or other party goers nessities';we still had a good time:but we where reduced to drinking 'orange juice (she didnt say orange juice orgy though)'.I was just trying to be prepared and winded up starting a 'bar' on the edge of a dessert and selling liqour and catering to such customers as Jean 'La feet'(aka. 'Doc Holiday' aka. Juan Dos Albos aka. 'Whats his name?') and the 'other LEGAL or nefarious types that would SAIL UP FROM THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE READY TO SPEND $20 gold pieces and Gold Dabloons on a bottle or cup of rye or tequilla in 'an neutral safe place' where they could enjoy themselves without the feer of haveing to fight;lawmen and outlaws alike.I dont care what you say;I am going to keep my 'after school job'."So yea;great story...I was just seeing where 'you were headed with it so to speak'...That is what I saw and thought to myself as I read it besides how much fun it would be to 'rendevouz' for some more of those weekly get togethers we were haveing.

I couldnt help not 'paint this picture':Can you all see it now;this is in response to the earlier comment... There is Elizabeth in the middle of mexico-Texas (otherwise now known as california mexican border area) in the 1600's with an trunk full of liqour;and TWO whole cases of TEQUILLA...The guy from the neighboring hacienda gets invited over by 'Holiday' to meet his new squeeze and have a drink...He goes;"now Elizabeth;what kind of alcohol is this...It is Tequilla;You have never heard of tequilla?Ingredients;here look on the back of the bottle...Mexico is famous for its tequilla; it is like an national past-time in mexican culture.How can you not have ever heard of tequilla?MEXICO IS FAMOUS FOR IT.!"-----

AND SO IT WAS;from that day forth tequilla was declared an MEXICAN TRADITION and one of the National past-time (or pass-time) drinks.

Very solid first effort. Well-paced action, solid scene setting and you obviously enjoy the core theme of the story since it is relayed with passion.

Great first try sweetie.. look forward to more of your writing.. was HOT!! like Texas in August..

This is the first comment I've ever posted while leaving my username. It was great Adakgirl. I loved it.

This was a good read, I was enaged and interested to have the story unfold as I read it. I felt it had the quality of a Twilight Zone episode and imagined she had travelled back to another time, one where she belonged. Thanks for sparking my own imagination about these characters.