All Comments on 'Conlan & the Tomboy'

Please continue soon. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

cant wait for the next chapter to see what happens.

If you need a good editor just ask on the forums.

I think it's a great story and I would love to read more but you do need to edit more carefully. I got confused in someparts as to who was speaking. But please keep writing

Love the story premise, but like the others wrote, please take the time to have your story edited, spelling and tense issues detract from your characters. Keep trying please!

I cant wait to see where you go next in your story. I have to agree with the other comments about grammar, but fantastic start you have written.

I can't wait for the next part/installment of this story. I love werewolf stories.

Ok, I like where this story is going, however, it was kind of hard to read. I hope you continue with this and if you do it might be wise to get an editor.

But it needs serious work, I spotted numerous spelling mistakes and the way you've written the dialogue is terrible, its all just jumbled together and doesn't flow well, most of this could have been sorted with a proofread.

I also got the feeling I was reading a story written by a child, some of the word usage just shouted it, "permanently decommissioned" is a bad choice, it didn't fit the situation, also the pack names were just really bad, I mean Razor Pack fair enough I suppose, werewolves-claws I get it but "Firestorm Pack" I cringed so bad my ass hurt, his callsign/agent name too "Lightning Barron". It all just points to 13 year old kid who's watched too many bad action films.

I get I'm being very critical but you won't improve if you don't know where your going wrong, try and use more family orientated names, "The Miller pack" or the like and use a thesaurus to help you with alternate words.