by oggbashan
This is like a mantra or the recounting of a dream from a state not far from it. There is a claustrophobia inherit in its mood and wording that could be brought more sharply forward and be part of a quite disturbing tale. This story has potential. I think it needs a bit of The Shining style dream logic to subliminally suggest a dream like state more strongly or more overt sexual sequences and slightly more detailed descriptions of the sensory perceptions during the bondage scenes. Make it clear that the character of Guy is seeing these things from restricted vision and perhaps a few jump scares that turn sexual to further disturb the reader.
Great story. The most interesting thing for me was the pacing. It is almost off-kilter, but catches itself and moves ahead. Fascinating.
THANKS
Ok what I liked about this story was the plot. It worked well, especially with all the little details like e-bay. It was very suspenseful. But on the other hand, I kind of found that the story itself was dragging, as if maybe you weren't very interested in it. That's just the feeling I got from it. But I still think the storyline was fantastic :) So keep writing...no one likes my stories either, but hey you can't please everyone :D
Ali
Fantastic Og, thanks for the writing lesson.
You sure can spin 'em!
a very interesting story to read, full of rich detail and joie de vivre! A masterpiece!
disproving the theory that yes, Virginia, there are ghosts. Nicely done.
Entertaining story of a believed ghostly encounter. Well done. The suspense is real.