wet cement

This poem was mentioned in the Archival Review thread, in a picking through Lit's archive of over 36,500 poems.

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Wet cement works for me.

...in your damp cement would be considered impertinent.

You have a remarkable talent for arresting images, particularly in very brief poems. This one, however, almost seems like two different poems—or proto-poems—to me. S2 and S3 seem to go together, but S1 seems separate. Sometimes divergent images work very well, but here, especially given your title, they seem disjunctive to me. But I am no genius.

Specifics:

--"flowers" in S1 should perhaps be "flower's"

--Should S2 end with a period? I'm not entirely sure whether you want to treat S3 as a continuation of the sentence, but it seems to me some kind of punctuation should be here, given that you are using it elsewhere.

As usual, very interesting work. Thanks.

I liked the imagery in your poem but am a tad confused. Is the image of wet concrete symbolic of love? I read it like that. The last stanza which seemed to signify your nervousness seemed to add to my interpretation, we are all a little nervous (and excited!) when it comes to something like love (and sex, lol)

A fiver if only for these lines.

"my body is full of violins, trumpets, flutes

and in the pit of my stomach,

I can feel the vibrations of an orchestra. "

So much better than "butterflies".

Tess

This is excellent BUT...

wet cement - the title doesn't fit the poem in my mind unless you're tricking me. I also found this poem to be slightly erotic, and I'll tell you why below. I found it odd to be in the non-erotic category.

you're dripping into me

the way dewdrops drip off a waking flowers petal, - Of course, I'm thinking of labia. <grins> Flower petals used in poetry (especially here on Lit, in the way you're writing it sounds like love juices are dripping in your mouth.)

the snake charmer seduces

a cobra with music - Now I'm thinking of that snake being a cock. Um, it's all good if it is. I'm just saying. Nice wording.

my body is full of violins, trumpets, flutes

and in the pit of my stomach,

I can feel the vibrations of an orchestra. - and damn, this is what I'll be thinking of all day. I'll probably come back to read it again and again. I love this stanza. I absolutely love it!

The title and category has got me thinking. How dare you? LOL!

I enjoyed your other E poem from a few days ago a bit more. The last stanza of this poem is really good.

That title next to the green E got to me;

The E makes more sense than the title.

And you're sure it's Non-Erotic???