All Comments on 'wet cement'

That title next to the green E got to me;

The E makes more sense than the title.

And you're sure it's Non-Erotic???

I enjoyed your other E poem from a few days ago a bit more. The last stanza of this poem is really good.

This is excellent BUT...

wet cement - the title doesn't fit the poem in my mind unless you're tricking me. I also found this poem to be slightly erotic, and I'll tell you why below. I found it odd to be in the non-erotic category.

you're dripping into me

the way dewdrops drip off a waking flowers petal, - Of course, I'm thinking of labia. <grins> Flower petals used in poetry (especially here on Lit, in the way you're writing it sounds like love juices are dripping in your mouth.)

the snake charmer seduces

a cobra with music - Now I'm thinking of that snake being a cock. Um, it's all good if it is. I'm just saying. Nice wording.

my body is full of violins, trumpets, flutes

and in the pit of my stomach,

I can feel the vibrations of an orchestra. - and damn, this is what I'll be thinking of all day. I'll probably come back to read it again and again. I love this stanza. I absolutely love it!

The title and category has got me thinking. How dare you? LOL!

A fiver if only for these lines.

"my body is full of violins, trumpets, flutes

and in the pit of my stomach,

I can feel the vibrations of an orchestra. "

So much better than "butterflies".

Tess

I liked the imagery in your poem but am a tad confused. Is the image of wet concrete symbolic of love? I read it like that. The last stanza which seemed to signify your nervousness seemed to add to my interpretation, we are all a little nervous (and excited!) when it comes to something like love (and sex, lol)

...in your damp cement would be considered impertinent.

You have a remarkable talent for arresting images, particularly in very brief poems. This one, however, almost seems like two different poems—or proto-poems—to me. S2 and S3 seem to go together, but S1 seems separate. Sometimes divergent images work very well, but here, especially given your title, they seem disjunctive to me. But I am no genius.

Specifics:

--"flowers" in S1 should perhaps be "flower's"

--Should S2 end with a period? I'm not entirely sure whether you want to treat S3 as a continuation of the sentence, but it seems to me some kind of punctuation should be here, given that you are using it elsewhere.

As usual, very interesting work. Thanks.

Wet cement works for me.

This poem was mentioned in the Archival Review thread, in a picking through Lit's archive of over 36,500 poems.

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