by Bill Dada
Your Poem was mentioned on the thread
"New Poems Reviews"
thanks for the journey ...
I think you can take out the third line, it is redundant, would make it tighter, strenghen the rest even more so.
disagree with the comment that you should take out the 3rd line. I think it's right the way it is.
This short work cuts to the chase. I love how you positioned the words... short jabbing slicing ... with a slow gray that clouds over the ending..
ty for the read..
Du~
heartbreaker there is in this,
when we discover the dreams..
are nightmares..
into reality, that we were mixed
in thought, of absence..
-sGp-