She brushes my hair at midnight

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She brushes my hair at midnight
Silver silk tent
And with each comforting stroke
I yearn for more

In the softness of the moonlight
I give to her my mane
I offer her my crown
As she moves
like a cat
around this chair
Silently sitting
holding me captive
with her eyes

Bittersweet torture
As her fingers part this plait
Swiftly feel as agile digits
Dextrously explore

Sufficiently enough to be precise
How I want her to caress
How I want more
Than mere functionalism

How I want her
To brush out my demons
And untangle my dreams
Straighten my thoughts
And let me shine

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11 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
Makes me feel like I am there

and that is all that counts for me!

Roma RRoma Rover 18 years ago
lovely

i can relate

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
Beautiful

You've captured a moment, a desire, a want and in a very lovely manner.

Harry LegHarry Legover 18 years ago
Beautiful

I am no critic and thus can offer only my feelings. I thought it was lovely and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Nice work.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
erotic

and still beautiful

lindianalindianaover 18 years ago
Agree with Saldne

You have captured an intimate moment and given it life.

I do agree that it would read easier if the line I give to her my mane was edited to I give her my mane, then it would mirror the line after.

But it is a great piece even without the change. Keep up the wonderful work.

Roxanne ApplebyRoxanne Applebyover 18 years ago
Primal and sensitive.

Thank you, dear, a lovely and real sentiment, well expressed. A wonderful image - hair brushing. Primal and sensitive.

Roxanne

Senna JawaSenna Jawaover 18 years ago
poetry is something else

A poor poem. Too much around "me". "Let me shine" is particularly pathetic.

Poor language, e.g. "I give to her my mane". Word "this" occurs twice, and it is awful on both occasions. Several adjectives weaken the effect by plying and stuffing the reader with unnecessary words--Ezra Pound would say that these adjectives "dull the image". Etc, etc.

LeBrozLeBrozover 18 years ago
~~

Another excellent write.

And I second suggestions below

Of one possible way

You can tighten it up and

Improve the feel and flow.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
~

Your poem has been mentioned in the New Poem Reviews thread. http://www.literotica.com:81/forum/showthread.php?p=16005013#post16005013

Come say hello on the poetry board. :)

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