All Comments on 'Little boy'

The structure at the end clogs the poem up. Can you break these sentences into bite sized chunks so they flow better and are approximately the same length as earlier sentences? Also, you may wish to do a spell check. (missery=misery) (to=too) Please keep writing, I think you have the capabilities to become a strong Literotica voice. Good luck in future poems!

Agree with sack on the structure issues but...

... made me kinda choked up.

Written in passion, as it should be, it would be even better if dispassionately edited.

Structural issues aside, you struck some very, *very* powerful chords. I very much look forward to reading more of your work. :)

Luck to you,

Yui

Very nice, was this your first? I'll zapp you a PM.

Very moving and full of strong emotions. Keep writing. -S

I'm glad I saved that one for last.

Really moving stuff!!!!!!

Fantastic.

I think this poem has an excellent subject as its core. I think you have a good method of telling it. You have done an excellent job of relating emotion. It could use a good edit. It could use some condensing. The problem with editing is doing so in such a way that you maintain the feeling, structure and energy as the original work. But good editing can enhance it. Keep going.

I am impressed with the way you express your feelings-it's inportant to show the world--it will help others with their pain. Thank you-TD