- Non-Erotic Poetry
- A Miasmatic Night
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Click hereI step into the night
Enveloped by the dense fog
Streetlights broken by the trees
Casting their dancing shadows against the now quiet train
The wind begins
Dogs howl protest in the distance
It chases the warmth from me
Introducing the unease it offers
I stand there paralyzed
Filled with dread, sorrow and desire
I wait for the plot to thicken
- COMMENTS
Amyfriendabout 17 years agofeeling. It has all the ingredients of a dangerous or a deathlike influence that is stalking the night...something may happen..who knows.
duddle146over 17 years agoThis lovely ethereal rendering has some lonesome sound images to give it that authentic nocturnal mood. Beautifully Written.
LeBrozabout 18 years agoNot bad, but here are a couple suggestions
Offered for your consideration
On how you could tighten up these lines:
"I step into the night
Enveloped by the dense fog"
Might sound better as:
"I step into the night
Enveloped by dense fog"
Or how about:
"Streetlights broken by the trees
Casting their dancing shadows against the now quiet train"
I think you could get away with leaving dancing in,
But try to make it more active -
"Streetlights broken by the trees
Cast dancing shadows against the now quiet train"
Just a few suggestions with which to get you started.
My Erotic Trailabout 18 years agoYour poem was mention on the thread, NEW POEMS REVIEWS...
Thanks for the literary journey
~Art~
