- Non-Erotic Poetry
- he might have said
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click herenot the candy not the
gibbon family swing or polar bear splash
but this inflatable room
closed, hum, darkened, it sinks in and covers
we jump and we jump and the laughing!
it is too much perfection to ever leave-
but always
always they call me out
and they call me
out always too soon
they do not understand
and Mother tells me
come this way
and Mother tells me
it is finished it is
finished
she signs with her fingers
speaks slowly
she counts backwards
from five
she tells me
come, come here sweetheart
But I know she means
the place where big sounds bring pain
of squint eye lights and vertigo smells
air touches skin air touches skin
like firework fingers
and they wonder why the screams
why the screams and pulling why
prone refusal across the walk
she must know desperate begging
just put me out
put me out let me out
take you with me
under fingernails and fists
go back back into
the place it was good it was good
instead
she just holds on
holds on
kisses cheek
whisper counts to twenty
we breathe
slow
she holds tighter
holds my pieces together
until they slow down enough
I fall into myself
she carries me through hell
it’s okay baby
it’s okay baby
it’s okay baby
her back strains
under my weight
I am not small
bury all senses in her neck
under hair under her skin
breathe the first scent
dark warm muted
okay
okay
okay
- COMMENTS
LeBrozalmost 17 years agoThis poem was mentioned in the Archival Review thread, in a picking through Lit's archive of over 36,000 poems.
----------
LeBrozover 18 years agoA series of emotional snapshots
Read and felt
Like looking through fresh eyes.
Anonymousover 18 years agoI read it yesterday several times, tears in my eyes, remembering the first and last time my parents ever put me on a rollercoaster. You are so very very good anna. So very good, reading you is like an out of body experience.
I just wanted to let you know I did read this, just didnt know what to say yesterday, really I still dont!! except marvelous imagery, emotional imagery, I want to just hug you both
~~ maria
Anonymousover 18 years agowhat my 'she' might have said. This poem really grabs the gut and holds it from the first word to the last. Wonderful work anna.
twelveooneover 18 years agoIn a way, I agree with the rainman, about the linebreaks.
This may be an example of the wrong being right:
"not the candy not the"
cannot think of breaking it more effectively for the mood.
This may be too much, for what you want:
"it’s okay baby
it’s okay baby
it’s okay baby"
Consider taking off the first and third "baby"
lobomaoover 18 years agoso much so many of us could say
so hard so when so you so this
so take my breathe away
gasp gulp gleam and glean
what it is your working at
me I need another read
and glad I am for that
saw_man1over 18 years agoIt reads like a typical families day at the zoo, in the bouncy castle, told from the toddler’s perspective.
Anonymousover 18 years agoThere's a lot going on in this poem or so I feel. I've read it numerous times now, and this is my take on it:
There's happiness but it's been taken away. Mother is trying to soothe you?? There's screams, something going on and it's very loud, scary for you both. It's over. It's over. It's okay. Fire, fire, fire. Hot! No, it's not over. It'll never be over. There's too much pain. You wanna go back, but you're weak and afraid. Numb, unsure. Shit, I'm really confused, aren't I?
I tried. Just damn...
TheRainManover 18 years agoI saw your post on the "line breaks" thread, and laughed.
If I ever saw a poem where linebreaking was irrelevant, this is it. This is about mood and fear and looking over your shoulder for safety - the poetry is in the breathlessness, the frantic search for who knows what.
I don't even think place and time and meaning are very important here either - this is all about air being stolen from my lungs when I read.
So I suggest you not worry too much about linebreaks (the crazy linebreaks actually help here, I think) nor fret too hard about the reader understanding what it means -- This kind of poetry is about reaction, period.
ishtatover 18 years agoNightmarish, frightening and frighteningly effective.Better not explained or overanalysed .My response is much more emotional than rational.I cannot say I like it, that would be too pallid but it but it compels one to read it .
