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Click herethere was a dead bird
today
on the sidewalk
well
it wasn't really
dead
it was dying
shaking
bright yellow breast
heaving
as it faced
some weird
bird heaven
some place
full of
sky
with fields of
flowers
bursting
in the sun
where it would
never have to land
just soar
soar
forever
and ever
faster than
eagles
wings
stretching out
farther
than
anything
you've ever seen
I walked
on
nothing I could do
went to the car
a deep crawling
sadness
bursting
in me
it was dying
and I was
sitting in a
hot car
outside of
a bookstore
smelling
the reek
of concrete
and car
exhaust
and another
long
life
in the sun
and I wanted
to be
a
bird.
Now here's a piece from just a few months back
An odd little piece
You may want to spread your wings
And just for the joy of it, take flight.
"it wasn't really
dead
it was dying"
it is amazing to me, how a simple switch like this, taking the bird from dead to dying makes such an impct-- think of what the poem would have been if you would have started it with the bird dying.... you have good instincts.
I enjoyed reading your poem. Your poem has a good rythmn and your language is honest and emotional, helps set the scene for the reader.