- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Who you are
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Click hereYou are stubborn
Unbearable
Distant
Do I still exist to you?
You question yourself and others
never content with the simplistic
Always challenging convention.
You are overwhelming with your passions
and subdued and restrained
when it is unwanted.
You are the most infuriating person
as well as the sweetest.
You drive me to the brink of insanity
in so many ways,
as I can you.
Yet, I wouldn't want to change any of you
- COMMENTS
TheRainManabout 18 years agothere is nothing here, IMO, but cliche and ordinary words and thoughts that have been rehashed and reworded in the same way so many times.
Phrases like:
You are the most infuriating person
as well as the sweetest.
-and, the last line-
Yet, I wouldn't want to change any of you
...are incredibly ordinary.
As someone who has both asked for constructive critique and also expressed the desire to improve their poetry -- I think you should put this poem and "Ode" next to each other and compare them in originality and phrasing.
I think you will see the difference. The gap is huge.
No vote left. I also suggest you turn off the voting mechanism, which provides nothing but distraction in my opinion, and concentrate of the commentary.
LeBrozabout 18 years agoA poem that each couple
Should dedicate to the other.
A small suggestion for your consideration. Repetition of 'you' seems a bit much. Try dropping a couple, perhaps here:
"You are overwhelming with your passions
and subdued and restrained
when it is unwanted.
You are the most infuriating person
as well as the sweetest."
And change it to read:
"Overwhelming with your passions
and subdued and restrained
when it is unwanted;
The most infuriating person
as well as the sweetest."
Anonymousabout 18 years agolovely way of capturing that person we love but cant get along with
