late blues

Poem Info
103 words
3.71
3.7k
0
Share this Poem

Font Size

Default Font Size

Font Spacing

Default Font Spacing

Font Face

Default Font Face

Reading Theme

Default Theme (White)
You need to Log In or Sign Up to have your customization saved in your Literotica profile.
PUBLIC BETA

Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.

You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.

Click here

 
 

    my Unia left me for good
    my Unia was no good

    i told her in a thousand ways
    i love you
    she told me in a million ways
    i don't

    i told her you can't have it both ways
    she went the other way

    every day and every night
    my thoughts go back to her
    but she will not come back to me
    my Unia left me for good

 
 

wh,
2006-01-29

Please rate this poem
The author would appreciate your feedback.
  • COMMENTS
Anonymous
Our Comments Policy is available in the Lit FAQ
Post as:
Anonymous
3 Comments
wildsweetonewildsweetoneabout 18 years ago
~

'i told her you can't have it both ways

she went the other way'

the combination of these two lines 'sounds' not quite right. i think it is the mismatch of the beats per line (what is that ... the metre?) the other lines in the poem seem almost equal to each other, but this stanza is 'too different'. this may be exactly what you intended as it seems to give emphasis. i like the unity.

the repetition is growing on me.

i know what feels missing to me though. there's no concrete images for my mind to conjure up. again, you possibly intended that.

thank you for making me think.

wso

*not using the thermometre

AnonymousAnonymousabout 18 years ago
Pretty good

The dual meaning of "for good" is reasonably clever.

Fly

TheRainManTheRainManabout 18 years ago
To me...

it feels solid, but unevocative.

I like the spare style, but think it could hold a bit more than just the shrug of the shoulders transfered from writer to reader.