- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Minor Accidents
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I can sit on the edge of your coffee cup.
I can dance along the rim until you're done
Or I slip off.
If I should fall -
these things happen, you know -
and you manage to swallow me down -
I've been so bitter lately -
please don't feel too bad.
I'd rather be consumed than left unfinished.
- COMMENTS
TheRainManover 18 years agoDespite the obvious typos and questionable punctuation, this is good stuff - especially for a first poem here.
And if your bio is accurate and you did not fib about your youth, then poetry and word usage of this depth is even more impressive . . . as is the fact that you used the word 'protean' in your mini-claim at chameleonhood.
Tzaraover 18 years agodespite a few typos or errors:
--"coffee" is misspelled
--"Or" in line three probably shouldn't be capitalized, as you don't otherwise seem to be using a "cap first letter of each line" convention
--"and manage to swallow me down" I think should be "and you manage..."
--I don't happen to like the hyphens framing the two inset lines. You might want to consider something like using indentation and italics to set them apart from the rest of the narrative.
Overall, a nice quirky little statement with emotional impact. I liked it.
LeBrozover 18 years agoWelcome to Lit
With an interesting read;
Stay awhile
Let's see what else you've got.
