- Erotic Poetry
- If these walls could
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Click hereIf these walls could speak
they'd sneer;
'Rest? There is
no rest. I'm a tattoo canvas
of never fading screams.'
Every sordid stain would
shout like their creation,
boot sized fault lines
would snap again and again
from impact, candid scribbles
rubbed away with time,
or still clung to greasy
tiles, would whisper hoarsely;
'What did we do...last night?'
'IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou...'
'What do I say? What do I do?'
'Yes...'
'Don't tell anybody, ever.'
'You may fuck me now.'
'This will teach you, fucking whore...
For a good time, call...'
'Wait, what if someone comes in?'
'Oh, god...'
'I love you...I think.'
Vinyl on wetness, cotton
left behind, tears on porcelain,
an endless reverb of breaths
would tremble the air, ever stale
with rumor fumes. These walls
are mumbled myths in corridors
solidified, where beauty and horror,
shame and pride collide.
If these walls could,
they would write.
- COMMENTS
WickedEveabout 18 years agoYou have a lot of potential and I look forward to reading more of your work.
And I second what RainMan said.
Bill Dadaover 18 years ago'If these walls could,
they would write.'
'If these walls could'
I really enjoy your writing and especially liked,
'an endless reverb of breaths
would tremble the air, ever stale
with rumor fumes.'
TheRainManover 18 years ago..you found the poetry boards.
In only two poems, I (agreeing with 1201's comment on today's "Poem Reviews" thread)can see your instincts are excellent.
This is a good place to improve, if you are willing to accept (and give) constructive critcism instead of expecting and passing out blanket praise.
Those comments are more important, I think, that what I say on this particular poem.
The poem is fairly fresh - needs some stripping and tightening, I think. Your thought patterns are mature, though, not at all indicative of a newer writer, but one who has a feel for what poetry is, and the skill to back it up.
Welcome. :)
Anonymousover 18 years agoQuite an imaginative piece, loved the images of the 'tattoo canvas' and 'rumor fumes', very suggestive images
