The Talent Show

Based on the Little Rascal's short "Beginner's Luck"

*

1.

"The muscles on his brawny arms stood out like iron bands."

It was Saturday afternoon at the McFarlane home. All around the living room were the female friends of Darlene McFarlane. At 41, Darlene was a very beautiful woman and quite aware of it. Her blonde hair came to her shoulders, framing a face accented by green eyes and poutty lips. Her 5'6" figure was well toned and voluptuous, most of the outfits she wore drawing attention to her 36C breasts, though there was plenty of neighborhood speculation she'd had them done for her 40th birthday - a gift to herself after her recent divorce.

"And into the fray, he cast himself onward."

At the center of the living room was Darlene's son, Tommy. At 18, he was a little small for his age. A fact made even more obvious by the robe and cowl he wore as he stood before the gathering of women. He was doing his best to remain poised in front of the guests while reciting the monologue given to him by his mother, but found himself embarrassed and nervous by the unwanted attention.

"And forward..." Tommy stammered, losing his line.

From her spot sitting on the armrest of the sofa, Darlene whispered at her son.

"Forward he went, a man!"

"Forward he went, a man," Tommy repeated. He breathed a sigh and awkwardly bowed before the women.

Darlene was the first to begin clapping. The other women politely followed. Darlene stood up. She was wearing a very tight pair of black lowrise slacks and a white sweater that her full breasts strained against and also showed off her tan midriff.

"Well, ladies, did I not say my son was an actor?"

"Very charming..."

"He's so cute..."

"How wonderful..." The other women kindly responded.

Tommy went to slouch in the corner where his Grandmother was sitting patiently.

"Well, Grandma, I'm glad that's over."

"Me, too," replied Grandma. Close to 60 years old, Grandma was rather portly, but still maintained a joyful spirit, even when it came to indulging her daughter's constant efforts to remain the most popular woman in the neighborhood. Her sympathy to her grandson Tommy went a very long way.

Darlene stood before the women in her living room. "Well, ladies, I'm sure you all enjoyed that and now I have some exciting news. Tommy is going onstage. I've entered him in a talent contest." Darlene began passing out flyers to the women.

"How very interesting..."

"Oh, it's at Lindley Hall..."

"I'm sure he'll win First Prize..." The other women politely commented.

Darlene beamed with pride. "Well of course. And I want you all to be there when he does."

Tommy groaned, looking toward Grandma. She put her arm around him. "Darlene, why do this? We've never had an actor in the family before."

Darlene turned toward her mother. "Mother, I think I know what's best for Tommy. It's about time he had some real exposure to the arts." Darlene returned her attention to the other women, following them to the door and making them promise to attend the show.

Tommy looked to his Grandma. "She's the one that wants the exposure, not me."

Grandma gently patted his shoulders. "I know, Tommy. Your mother has always been like that. Hopefully, we can get through this together."

Darlene returned to the living room. She stood before Tommy and Grandma, putting her hands on her hips. "Oh, the both of you get those looks off your faces. This talent show is going to be a wonderful opportunity for everyone."

2.

"Friends, Romans, and Countrymen, lend me you ears..."

Tommy McFarlane paced back and forth in the living room while practicing his lines. It was two days before the competition and his mother had him practicing for a week now. The pressure was beginning to get to him. The doorbell rang and Tommy welcomed the chance to answer it.

Standing in the doorway were Tommy's friends Nick, Darin, Jake, Billy, and Alan. "Hey fellas," Tommy greeted them.

"Where ya been, Tommy?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, we haven't seen you all week," added Billy.

Tommy shrugged. "I know, my mom's got me practicing for this stupid talent show she put me in."

The other boys laughed. "Talent show?" Jake sneered. "That's so lame!"

At that moment, Darlene McFarlane pulled into the drive way in her BMW Z3 and got out of her car. She was wearing a tight off-the-shoulder black top with a short black skirt that showed off her bare legs and black boots almost to the knee. She had her blonde hair up in a high ponytail. There was a large white box under her arm. She walked up the drive way and to the front door.

"Excuse me, boys," Darlene brushed by the boys standing on the doorstep without giving them a glance. She stopped to stand next to her son. "Tommy, you're supposed to be rehearsing. Now tell your friends you'll see them later and come back inside." Without another word, Darlene stepped into the house, her perfume lingering amongst the boys.

Tommy sheepishly stood before his friends. "Sorry, fellas."

"Your mom can be a real snob sometimes, Tommy," Darin said.

"Yeah," agreed Billy. "She acts so stuck up."

Jake grinned at Tommy. "I got and idea, Tommy. Why don't we show up at this stupid talent show and when you go onstage, we'll really heckle you and make fun of you, so that way you won't even have a chance to win." The other boys agreed with Jake's suggestion.

Tommy nervously shrugged. "Gee, fellas...I don't know."

From within the house, Darlene called out. "Tommy, I don't hear you practicing!"

Jake took on a mocking tone. "Yeah, Tommy, better go back inside and practice like your mommy told you." The other boys laughed.

"Ok, fine," Tommy replied. "Let's ruin my act before she has me trying out for any more of these dumb contests."

"That's the spirit!" Jake shook Tommy's hand. "Don't worry. We'll make sure to give you the works!"

"My pals," Tommy smiled. The boys walked off and Tommy shut the door. He walked back into the living room. Darlene was in there and opening the box. From within she took out a very short looking Roman toga.

"Look, sweetie. Look what, mommy had made for your performance!" Darlene proudly held the toga up to Tommy. It was very short and ended just below his waist. "And I've had some wonderful boots and a helmet made, also. You're going to look wonderful!"

It was all Tommy could do to keep from crying.

3.

"Is that what you're wearing tonight?"

Darlene stood before the full length mirror in her bedroom. She was wearing a to the floor, clinging low cut silk chiffon lavender halter gown. Her full breasts were accented by the gown's support. A double strand pearl necklace drew extra attention to her cleavage. Darlene's lean legs were enhanced by shimmering pink nylons, that were glimpsed by a side slit up one side of the dress that went to mid thigh. The strappy heels she wore matched her gown perfectly. Her blonde hair was done up in a high French curl. Her make-up perfect, her lips glossed a glimmering pink.

Grandma stood in the doorway wearing a modest wool dress. She looked disapprovingly at her daughter. Darlene continued to admire herself in the mirror. "This is a very expensive original Marc Jacobs design," she said. "Besides, I don't see anything wrong if it helps the judges to remember Tommy's act if they remember me also."

"Just who's night is it supposed to be anyway?" Grandma asked.

"This is Tommy's chance to meet with a commercial agent and I will not have anything ruin it," Darlene replied.

"Oh, then don't let me get in the way," Grandma said. And with that, she left the room.

Darlene walked out of her bedroom and into the living room where Tommy and Grandma were waiting. Tommy was clearly uncomfortable in the Roman toga and gold boots he wore.

"Tommy, don't slouch in your costume," Darlene admonished him.

Tommy tried to keep his hands close to his toga while still holding the foil shield and helmet in his hands. "C'mon, mom...the guys are gonna laugh at me. "

"Sweetie, you're going to wear the costume and that's final," Darlene raised her voice. "Now can we please go to the theater?"

4.

The Lindley Theater was crowded. All the seats were taken except for the front row. That is until Jake, Nick, Darin, Billy, and Alan pushed their way into the front row seats. Under their jackets they held various sling shots, pea shooters, and other prank items.

Backstage was a bustle of activity. Stage hands moved back and forth. The majority of the parents backstage were women with their teen-aged children. Darlene arrived backstage with Tommy in tow and Grandma following behind. Darlene drew plenty of attention in her long, clinging dress. Tommy kept a robe on to cover himself in the short toga while holding the foil shield and helmet.

Darlene went over to sign Tommy in. She leaned over the table to sign the call sheet. Underneath the backstage lights, Darlene's lavender dress was almost see-through, her figure and tiny thongline showing through the thin material of the dress. Standing nearby, the Master of Ceremonies got a very good glimpse of all of this. He stepped closer and introduced himself. "Hello," he said. "I'll be the MC for the show tonight. And you are..?"

"Darlene McFarlane," she replied.

The MC checked the list. "Ah yes, Tommy McFarlane. He'll be on first."

" That won't due at all," Darlene said. "My son is too much of an artist to open the show."

"We have him down as the first act," the MC responded. "Artist or not."

"Well, you'll just have to change the line up. I refuse to let my son go onstage first," Darlene said indignantly.

Some of the other parents backstage took notice, looking on disapprovingly at the scene Darlene was making. She put her hands on her hips. "If you do not give my son a better spot I will sue this competition's sponsors right along with you also!"

Tommy slouched away from where his mother was arguing with the MC. He found himself standing next to a very cute young girl. The girl was wearing a very extravagant jewel encrusted dress. She smiled demurely at Tommy.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi," Tommy smiled back.

"I'm Lilly,' the girl said.

"Tommy," he replied.

Lilly glanced over to where Darlene was still making a fuss with the MC. "Is that your mom over there?" Lilly asked.

Tommy nodded, embarrassed. "Yeah, she wants me to win this thing really bad."

"Mine, too," Lilly said. "She spent a whole bunch of money to rent this dress. If I don't win this competition, I think she's going to lose all that money."

"I bet you'll do great," Tommy smiled. He was about to say more, but suddenly Darlene was at his side.

"Tommy, what are you doing? You should be doing your vocal warm-ups."

Darlene grabbed Tommy's hand and led him away from Lilly. She took Tommy to the side of the backstage area. "Now, begin your vocal warm-ups, you'll be on soon."

Darlene walked away. While standing at the side of the stage, Tommy moved the curtain to the side. In the second row he could see Nick, Darin, Jake, Billy, and Alan. The boys saw Tommy and they raised their hands to show the pea-shooters, sling-shots, noisemakers, and other items they had. Tommy gave them the thumbs up, pulling the curtain back.

By the time Tommy turned his attention backstage, he could see Lilly had just walked on to the stage to perform. The moment she stood on the stage, she suddenly froze. Petrified, Lilly just stared at the silent audience as they stared back. At the side of the stage, Lilly's mother was near tears over her daughter's plight. The MC gave a stage hand the signal and the stage hand pulled the ropes to close the curtain. Lilly ran offstage and into her mother's arms.

Darlene approached the MC. "Tommy's ready now to perform."

The MC barely gave her a glance. "That's fine, but he'll still have to wait."

Darlene was left flustered as the MC walked away from her. She noticed some of the other stage mothers had seen the slight and were smiling amongst themselves. Standing next to her, Grandma chuckled a little. Darlene looked at her.

"I don't think this is so funny," Darlene snapped at Grandma.

Grandma continued to chuckle, "Well, I do."

"Why don't you try being more supportive?" Darlene testily replied. "This is supposed to be a big night!"

Darlene walked away from Grandma and over to where Tommy was standing. She took his hand. "Come on, sweetie, it's almost time for you to go onstage."

"Hold on, Mom..." Tommy was still looking at Lilly. She still looked so upset.

Darlene still had Tommy by the hand. "Young man, you are going onstage tonight whether you want to or not!"

"But I've got something to tell the guys," Tommy stammered.

"What do you mean 'tell the guys'? Are those friends of yours here? What are they doing here?" Darlene was already starting another scene backstage. Some of the other stage mothers were noticing Darlene's fuss.

Tommy tried to think fast. "They're here to root for me. Just tell them I want to win."

"Well, of course," Darlene beamed with pride, delighted at Tommy's new enthusiasm.

"What are you gonna tell them?" Tommy asked her again.

Darlene smiled at Tommy, "I'm going to tell them you've got to win."

"Right!" Tommy smiled back. He turned away and went over to where his Grandma stood by.

Darlene walked to the side of the stage and down the steps and out to the audience. Her long clinging lavender dress drew more than a few stares from the crowd.

None more so than Jake. Even as Darlene was approaching them, Jake couldn't take his eyes off Darlene's full breasts tantalizingly concealed behind her dress.

Jake turned to the other boys in the front row. "Hide the works, guys. Here comes Tommy's mom."

Darlene walked over to where the boys sat in the front row. She leaned over to speak to them, unaware that she was offering them a revealing view down the front her dress.

"Now listen, boys," Darlene haughtily told them. "This is Tommy's big chance tonight and I will not have anything ruin it. I want you boys to act like little gentleman. We want Tommy to win, right?"

Jake, Nick, Darin, Billy, and Alan all looked at each other and smiled politely at Darlene.

"Right...yeah...sure," they all said.

Jake took another look at how noticeable Darlene's nipples were pressing against the thin fabric of her dress. He smiled at Darlene. "Tits...I mean, it's a very exciting night, isn't it, Ms McFarlane?"

Darlene, completely wrapped up in herself, missed the comment. "Yes, it's very exciting for everyone." She turned and as she started to walk off, Darlene spotted her female friends from Saturday afternoon. She immediately approached them.

"Ladies, I knew you'd make it," Darlene was brimming with conceit. "You're going to have the opportunity to see a wonderful performance."

"Oh I'm sure..."

"It seems wonderful..."

"Yes, we're happy to be here..." The other women politely responded as they were taking their seats.

"Well, you'll all have to excuse me now. I have to be backstage," Darlene smiled superciliously at the women. "A mother's work is never done." She turned away from the women and strode away. The women confided with each other the moment Darlene was out of earshot.

"That poor boy. I hope he doesn't win so none of us have to do this again..."

"Did you see that dress she has on? I mean really..."

"She was obviously flirting with those boys in the front row..." The other women now were no longer hiding their disdain for Darlene.

On her return to the backstage entrance, Darlene passed by the boys in the front row once more. She snootily waved a finger at them. "Just all of you remember what I said now." Without waiting for a response, she continued her way to the steps backstage.

The boys all looked at each other.

"Who cares what Tommy's mom says?" Darin sneered. "Yeah," added Billy, "She acts like such a snob!"

"But did you see those tits?" Jake grinned. "I'm telling you guys, if I ever had the chance..."

But before Jake could finish, the lights of the theater were dimming again as the MC walked onstage. A single spotlight shone down at him. "Ladies and gentlemen, " he spoke to the audience. "Prepare yourselves for a classical piece." Without further introduction, he walked off the stage.

Tommy walked out upon the stage. As the spotlight followed him center stage, he felt completely nervous, even ridiculous in the short roman toga he was wearing along with the ornate cape, boots and helmet that was part of his costume. He was so nervous, that he tripped over his cape and fell. There was a smattering of laughter from the audience as Tommy struggled to untangle himself from his cape.

At the side of the stage, Darlene and Grandma stood near the MC. Darlene turned and complained to the MC. "Why don't you give him some light?"

The MC barely glanced at Darlene. "Give him some light?"

"So he can act!" Darlene insisted loudly.

"Oh, so he can act?" With the other stage parents watching them, the MC was barely holding back his disregard for Darlene. He signaled to one of the stage hands to operate the lights.

Tommy was able to get to his feet just as the stage lights came up. He got himself together, took a deep breath, and began his monologue. "Friends, Romans, and countrymen, lend me your ears..." Feeling confident remembering his lines, Tommy began striding up and down the stage performing his act.

In the front row out in the audience, Jake gave the signal to Nick, Darin, Billy, and Alan to take out their sling shots and pea shooters. Jake grinned at them. "Ok, guys, let's let him have it." The boys loaded up and prepared their prank brigade.

Onstage, Tommy was just about to launch into the second refrain of his monologue when he saw the boys in front all aim their weapons at him. "And by their call to arms..." Before he could finish, a hail of spit balls and pellets were fired at Tommy from the front row. He raised his shield just in time to deflect them. Tommy lowered the shield and wave the boys off, but they were already unleashing at barrage again.

"Behold his mighty stand..." Tommy lowered the shield and spoke his next line, but once again the boys fired more spitballs and pellets at Tommy, forcing him to raise his shield. Tommy looked to the side of the stage. He could see his mom standing next to the MC. She motioned at him to continue his act.

Tommy faced the audience. More of them were starting to laugh at his plight. "We must not lose, we must win!" Upon this line, Tommy dramatically hoisted his shield, but the strap broke. The shield fell from his hand and clattered on the stage. This drew more laughter from the audience. Tommy reached for the shield as the boys in the front row fired another round at him.

At the side of the stage, Darlene was nervously wringing her hands. Tommy was being ridiculed. Around her she could see some of the other parents backstage laughing.

The MC next to her was chuckling mirthlessly. Even Grandma couldn't help but smile.

Darlene turned to the MC.

"They're laughing at him, " she said.

"Laughing at him?" The MC delighted in Darlene's obvious worry. "They're howling at him!"

"Well I won't have my son laughed at," Darlene snapped. "I'm going to take him off." She made a step for the stage but the MC caught her arm. One of Darlene's thin straps slid down her shoulder.

"You can't break up that act," the MC laughed at her.

Darlene pulled her arm away from the MC. She haughtily put her hands on her hips. "Oh no..?" She turned away and stormed off around the backstage area. She hurried past the other parents and their children that were standing in the wings laughing at Tommy onstage. She noticed a long transum pole leaning against the curtain. Darlene grabbed the pole and took it over to the upstage curtain that separated the backstage from the stage.