Forbidden Desires

Jewel and I had been dating for six months or so. I knew that she was into porn and I respected that completely. I'm an easy-going fellow, and I knew that she would be protected. Besides, she makes incredible money and leads a very enjoyable life. She introduced me to the elite of her industry at parties and award shows. I found porn stars to be very hospitable and fun to be around. Some of them are a little crazy, but none of them were any trouble at all.

That was my personal opinion. Oh, Jewel could tell you a few things about some of them. She was very adamant for me not to hang around Peter Ramsey. Peter and I had struck up conversation at the AVN Award pre-show party while Jewel was hanging out with a few. He seemed like a nice guy. He talked with me about typical guy stuff-- sports, jobs, and women. I knew he was Jewel's ex, though she never told me why she broke it off with him. Of course, I was happy with Jewel, and I didn't want to bring up old things between her and Peter. Still, he was very respectful and talked about Jewel fondly.

When Jewel caught me, she pulled me away very quickly, without so much as even acknowledging that Peter was even there. It puzzled me, but I thought better of it to mention it after the show. But after the show, we got blitzed and had some fun of our own. It happens-- what can I tell you?

But the next day I managed to remember what happened at the party. So I asked her why she broke it off with her ex Peter.

"He cheated on me," Jewel said.

"Really?" I asked, puzzled as to why he would cheat on such a fine woman. Anyway, that happens to hear all the time, since she has sex for a living. I wanted to know more, and she told me.

"I was away on business one night, but we finished shooting early. I came home, and I found Peter in the shower with one of his friends from the set."

"Who? One of the broads?"

"No, it was with Alex, his personal trainer."

"I can't believe he would find another woman to fool around with." Jewel looked at me with an icy stare.

"Alex was not a woman," Jewel said. My jaw dropped and my eyes widened. I couldn't believe it.

"You mean he's--"

"Peter says he's bisexual. He used to do porn with men a long time ago, though he doesn't do it anymore. Instead, he just fools around when he feels like it, preferably with someone who's never done it before. At least that's what I heard last time."

"This is very difficult to believe, Jewel."

"Why's that?"

"I don't know. I guess that because he's in porno, I would think that he's enjoys fucking women left and right."

"No, he loves women, Xave. But I guess I'm just the jealous type that wants to be monogamous."

"Guess you were right about watching my back around him."

"In more ways than one," Jewel said.

***

I really only became a porn fan when I met Jewel. Before I met her, I used to watch on occasion. And when I did, I never paid attention to the actors or who they were. But when I met her, I used to check out the work she had in the apartment. It was no coincidence that she didn't have one porno involving her and her ex Peter in a scene together. But I did have some curiosity about Peter for some reason. I guess it was because I wanted to see how he could possibly do it.

One weekend, when Jewel was away on a shoot, I woke up early and went on line and looked up Peter Ramsey on Google. It was amazing just how many sites out there had something on him. I downloaded a few small clips of him and his cumshots, which were legendary on the net. I had run into a few of those shots in my travels, and nothing I had seen from Peter was that impressive. But then there was this one scene where a blonde starlet sucked him off to a massive cumshot. The semen practically flew out of his cock hard. He wasn't even jerked off or sucked off. The man did it all himself, and huge, long ropes darted out of his erection and splashed down onto the blonde's shocked face. Needless to say, she wasn't the only one surprised. I was completely floored by what I saw. Not only that, but my cock was rock hard and aching, and I played the clip again to wank off. I managed to cum just as he did in one of the repeats. The orgasm I produced seemed longer and heavier than most other times, not to mention feeling as enjoyable as sex itself.

I logged off, deleted the clips I downloaded, and headed for the shower. As I did, I replayed that huge cumshot Peter had given that blonde over in my mind, and before I knew it, I was soaping up my erection. It was at that moment when it hit me. It took me about twenty years or so for that moment to hit, but it did. I asked myself what I was more turned on by-- the cumshot that he had given her, or the cock and the man that had given the cumshot to her? All guys question their sexuality at some time, and Peter Ramsey's cumshot finally triggered the question off in me.

I enjoyed having sex with Jewel. I knew that. I was always turned on by women, and I knew that. Now, I was turned on by another man's cock. Women are beautiful in their physical ways, and at that moment, I thought of Peter Ramsey's cock as being just as beautiful. I recalled it being big, without curve, and delivering the most amazing cumshots I had ever seen. I even felt a little envious of the blonde starlet that got to suck his cock and take that massive orgasm all over her face. I couldn't believe what I was thinking, and I just tried to shake it all off. My decision to repress my feelings was out of disbelief, but also out of the fact that I was Jewel's, and Jewel was mine. I wanted nothing to spoil that. I knew that the feelings would go away anyway, and that it was just a natural thing that us male animals have. I let my cock soften, finished my shower, and went on with my daily life.

But that morning I had ignited quite a little flame inside my mind, and I could do nothing to extinguish it. I kept replaying that massive cumshot in my mind, and it drove me crazy with lust. With Jewel off in some far local having sex with strangers, I was left to my lonesome. I figured that I would just waste that one day feeding my forbidden obsession. It was a strategy that I believed would finally rid me of that impure thought of sucking his cock. I went back online and downloaded every Peter Ramsey clip I could find. Because I had a broadband hookup, I downloaded plenty of clips and pictures fast. It didn't take me long to be hard again, and this time I would be ready for an all-day wankfest. I brought out a bottle of lube Jewel had lying around and plenty of Kleenex.

I stripped down to nothing, wrapped myself in a half-open robe, and played my full-blown cock all afternoon, stroking my seven-inch member slow as I watched Peter Ramsey being sucked and squirting his juice all over some pretty faces. I was mesmerized by the looks on the sluts' faces as they tasted and swallowed his cock. I was thrilled to watch Peter's cock slam into one ass after another. The final results came all over faces in buckets, inspiring me to cum in buckets of my own. I must have jerked off about seven times that day, cumming hard each time as if I were enjoying real sex, pushing myself to the limit, filling my wastepaper basket with plenty of dirty tissues.

By evening, I had finally finished up, I burned the clips onto a blank CD and hid it in the outer pouch of my gym bag. After cleaning up and dressing, I deleted the files and the memory of my tracks off the computer. I felt gratified and relieved, believing that I had stroked the manlust right out of me. Jewel would be returning the next day, and I would go back to my normal ways. I believed it was a one-time thing, but in case I felt the urge to purge again, I had my CD. But oddly enough, I would eventually forget I even had it.

***

Two weeks went by, and my momentary walk on the wild bisexual side was just about a distant memory. I avoided porn sites with the mere mention of Peter Ramsey, and focused on my own work as well as Jewel's, whenever I had the chance. I slept in with Jewel Saturday morning after a wild Friday night. She had the weekend off, and we had plans of going out later that day to the beach. I woke up around 10:30; she was still out of it, and I decided to let her sleep a little longer. I decided to go for a workout. I didn't bother to shower, so I just slipped on a t-shirt,athletic shorts and sneakers, and packed a bag with my day clothes. In the process, I felt the CD protruding through the outer pouch. I hadn't felt the urge to play it since I went on my masturbation spree. I thought about throwing it out on the way home so Jewel wouldn't see it.

"I'm going down to the gym. Be back around noon," I whispered to her.

"Okay," she said, totally sleepy. I headed out. The gym was only three blocks from the apartment and was a pretty swank place. It was one of the perks of dating a pornstar; access to the best of just about anything. Some high-profile personalities worked out there, and I often saw some celebrities, though I didn't get too many autographs. I figure they ought to sweat in peace since the rest of the time everyone's hounding them.

After warming up, I hit the weights and did a few reps with some dumbbells. I headed over toward a mechanical lift machine and waited for the person using it to finish. After two reps, he let go of the bar from his hands and turned to see me. My heart skipped a beat for a second there.

"Hey, Xavier," Peter Ramsey said. Once again, I envisioned the last time I saw him and what he was doing on film. There was a little quiver of excitement in my shorts, but I shook it off, dismissing it quickly. He extended his hand, and I shook it. I noticed his firm grip-- strong, but not overpowering. No sign of jealousy whatsoever.

"I didn't know you worked out here," I said, trying to be polite.

"Yeah, I come here from time to time. It's better working out in public."

"I come here three days a week," I said. "I live only three blocks from here."

"Oh yeah? Where's Jewel?"

"She's sleeping in today."

"Gave her a good show last night, man?" He smiled at me, the way all guys smile when the talk about scoring with a hot chick. I couldn't believe what Jewel said about him.

"Definitely," I said, nodding confidently, trying not to blush. Peter chuckled.

"So you want to work out together? I've been here only a half-hour or so, but I can go as long as you want." Peter was so matter-of-fact about it. I couldn't tell a thing about his sexuality whatsoever.

"I don't see why not," I replied. He got up and let me use the mechanical lift.

Peter and I got to know each other a little better. I couldn't help but admire him for even more than what he had hidden in his shorts. The guy was in his late 40s, but had a physique most men my age would do anything to have. His arms, in particular, were quite big, flexing generously when he curled a weight. Oddly enough, though, there was nothing sexual about it. We were just getting along as if we went back many years.

After our long workout, we headed toward the locker room. His locker, amazingly enough, was right across from my own. I opened my locker and pulled out a white towel and matching bar of soap I left there in my previous journey. I peeled the sweaty clothes off my body. I left the locker door open. It was an accident, but it could have been a Freudian slip, because on the door I had a magnetic mirror, which gave me a full view of Peter stripping down behind me. I had barely noticed it until I saw him reveal his hairless backside to me, taut and rippling in muscle from head to toe. Whether or not he saw me remained to be seen, but I was caught in the view like the proverbial deer in the headlights. I could feel my cock hardening ever so slightly, knowing that I was about to be naked with the man I had a secret, temporary crush on. I hastily looked away, wrapped the towel around my waist, and closed the door. After taking a deep breath and thinking about things unrelated to sex, I was fine.

I turned to find Peter closing his door without a stitch of clothing on him, with a white towel draped over his left shoulder. He turned to me a little puzzled.

"Why the towel, man?" he asked. "We're heading for the shower."

"I'm just a little self-conscious," I replied, somewhat nervous in thinking that he noticed me. I didn't dare look down below the waist.

"I don't see a reason you should be," Peter replied as we walked together toward the shower. I didn't know what to make of his comment, knowing what I knew about him. I wanted it to be an innocent, confidence-boosting quip. And I wouldn't make anything more of it at that moment.

The shower room was very communal. There were no separate stalls, so everyone could pretty much shower together. Two stalls were empty in the corner of the room, and Peter and I took them. We hung up our towels on the racks on the wall opposite the showerheads. Peter and I approached together and went about our showering business. I let the hot water run down my body, washing away my sweat completely, and lathered up as I normally would. I looked down for a minute and caught a glimpse of Peter's manhood for the first time. I looked away quickly, not taking much notice of his sex. The last thing I wanted to do was have him catch me in my curiosity. I turned to see his eyes closed and head thrown back as he rinsed his head. I snuck a quick peek down at his manhood. The giant was sleeping and, though it looked bigger than mine, was not too impressive. I looked away once again and finished my shower, with hardly any further interesting in seeing him naked.

We finished up at just about the same time. Peter wrapped his towel around his waist.

"I'm gonna hit the sauna," he said, walking toward the exit of the shower room. I followed him. "Wanna come?"

"Nah, I'm running late as it is. Jewel's expecting me back."

"Got stuff to do?"

"Yeah, she's got the weekend off, so we're going to take advantage of it."

"You ought to. Maybe we can hang out together during the week." Peter and I were getting along famously, despite what Jewel told me about him. I figured that it wouldn't be a problem at all.

"Sure. You want my number?"

"Call the office on Monday," Peter said. "Jewel has it somewhere, I'm sure. My secretary will hook us up. I won't keep you longer." He extended his hand to me. "Nice seeing you again."

"Same here. Talk to you later."

"Sure," Peter said. "Have fun." He headed into the sauna, and I went to dress in the locker room. I didn't even think twice about the sauna. He seemed harmless and unattracted to me. Speaking for myself, I believed that my curiosity was completely innocent. I had stood next to him naked and felt no desire to have sex with him. Everything was behind me at that moment, and all I wanted to do was see my beautiful Jewel, no doubt waiting anxiously at home for me.

For whatever the reason, I didn't throw the CD out.

***

While Jewel was away on business Monday morning, I called up Peter to set up our meeting. He told me of his busy schedule and he was unable to get tickets to sporting events. He had time for a Wednesday night workout at the gym. Jewel was working that evening, luckily enough, so I was able to meet Peter without any questions asked. Peter and I did our workout, and then followed it up with a quick raquetball game. It was my first time playing it, but it wasn't for him, and he trounced me. We hit the showers again and the sauna. Nothing happened, just as I had expected.

After we had completed everything at the gym, we headed over to a local sports bar to eat. We tossed back a few ones, and I must admit that I had a couple too many. So did he for that matter. Conversation turned from work to our sex lives.

"So how long have you and Jewel been together?" Peter asked.

"About four months now," I replied.

"Do you see a future with her?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Tell me, does she satisfy you?" There was no hint of jealousy or any other negative emotion. He was asking me very frankly about my sex life, as all guys do at one time or another.

"Of course. She's incredible--" I caught myself mid-thought, knowing who I was talking too. I could only imagine how angry he must have been. "Ah, where are my manners? I'm sorry."

"No, don't be," Peter said, completely calm without any anger whatsoever. "I know she's a real animal in bed. But I wanted more. That's why we're not together anymore. She must have told you why." I knew where this was going, and I hoped that I wasn't about to hit a very awkward moment.

"To be honest," I muttered, "she did."

"Figured that," Peter said. "She can be real bitter about things. She knew I loved her, but I had cravings of my own. It was nothing personal. It was just sex and pleasure. You know what I mean?"

"I guess I do."

"The ironic thing was that it was Alex and I's last time together."

"It was?"

"Yeah," Peter said. He put down his beer and quietly told me his story, so as no one else could hear. "Alex and I met two years ago on the set. He's perfectly straight, with a beautiful woman he's now married to. But he was curious about men, and I satisfied his curiosity. We agreed to have sex with each other as often as possible until the day of his marriage. Jewel caught me fucking Alex for the last time. He got married three days later." I thought this to be pretty strange, but sex on the down low was not uncommon these days. I couldn't come up with anything else to say but a rather stupid question, now that I think about it.

"Does his wife know?" Peter smirked back and snorted.

"Of course not," he replied. "She doesn't need to know, either. What Alex and I had wasn't about love. There was no kissing or cuddling involved. It was all about sex, and we had fun together." Even though I was dating a pornstar, the one thing I could never figure out was how adult film stars could turn tricks without any feelings other than having fun. Jewel and I, contrary to popular belief, had a very conservative relationship. There were no wild threeways or orgies. Sex was lovemaking to us. On the set, it was a different story. I knew at the end of the day who Jewel really wanted. Still, I had delved into a side of me I never knew existed, so I was intrigued as to what Peter's sex life was like when it came to men.

"So it's okay to fuck a strange man for the fun of it," I asked. Peter shook his head.

"No, I never fuck like that," he replied. "Too risky and dangerous. I find the right partner, and then I go for it. And usually we go at it until he gets caught or married, whichever comes first."

"And you can break it off just like that?" I asked, still naively in disbelief that sex could just be about sex.

"I haven't had one partnership end horribly. Every single time, my partners and I were always on the same page."

"It just seems so hard to believe."

"Why is that?" Peter asked. I felt I had to come right out and tell him.

"When two people have sex, shouldn't it mean a little more?"

"Yeah, when its between a man and woman. I seek love and romance from women, Xave. I seek sex and pleasure from men. The man I fuck is on the same page that I'm on. To us, sex is a sport. We suck. We fuck. We go home to our women." He took a sip of his drink. "I'm shocked that you're still here."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"When most guys hear something like that, they hit the bricks real fast. Aren't you scared of a bisexual guy like me?"

"No, I'm not," I replied after sipping my drink. "We may differ somewhat in what we believe. But what you do in your personal life is your business. I respect that."

"I'm glad someone feels that way," Peter said. He gave a mild smile at me. "I'm off to the bathroom." He got up and headed over to the john. Meanwhile, I exhaled deeply as my mind was filled with mixed feelings. My cock was semi-hard from our frank conversation about sex, and Peter's very loose opinions. This was the man I had fantasized about while Jewel was away, and the dirty thoughts I had that afternoon were quickly coming alive once again. The opportunity was certainly presenting itself before me. No doubt Peter wouldn't talk like this if he weren't interested in me. At the very least, he was testing the waters to see how I would react. My carnal side was coming out in me, but it was struggling with reason. I wanted to see where this would go, but then again, I was afraid of what it would be like. To fantasize is one thing; to do is quite another. The risks were great, but so were the possible sexual rewards. But at the same time I kept thinking about how crazy it was to feel like this. Deep down, I believed that I didn't want sex with Peter. It was just the booze playing its tricks on me, and if it continued to do so, I wouldn't know where it would lead next. At that moment, I just wanted to get the hell out of that bar and get back home as quick as possible.