- Non-Erotic Poetry
- looks you don't see ...
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looks you don't see
she walks by
caught his eye
smile are ...sly
she walks along
knowing his eyes are on ...
...her!
but she didn't see
eyes under a distant eve
what could be ...destiny
a feeling in the breeze
a glance over a shoulder
at the look she didn't see
He's alone driving by
waving high
at a girls ...smile
unaware that behind him
was the woman he married
the look he didn't see
screeching tires
smoldering steam
"I didn't see you'"
she screams
arguement in the street
car seats and little feet
the look's you didn't see
telephone rings
It's him again
"I'm not going to make it!"
reciever down finger up
the look he didn't want to see
tri-cycles pacing
hearts racing
a mother un-easy
hops and puddle jumps
life's trials & little humps
and the looks you don't see
like eyes that scan
across these words that strand
then say ...the end
the look's you don't see
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 19 years agoa deep one here, Art. This is piercing piece of work that made the wheels turn in my gray matter.
Du Lacabout 19 years agoHow many times do artists look at the tiny small essence of a shadow in order to write, paint, dance, sing or communicate a passionate longing? Here is an excellent metaphor on just that note... Obvious write about the reality of life.. I agree with Eve.. the later part of the poem is the strength..
thanx Art
Du~
seranadeabout 19 years agoI like this poem Arturo, I can think of a few more looks you don't see or don't want to see. A very good way of looking at things. I could actually say this may have "inspired" (as you would say), another poem. Nice poem Turo
WickedEveabout 19 years agoThere are few things I could point out that may need a "fix". Do you want me to? Yes? Okay. :) Even if you left the minor things alone, it's still a good poem.
Too many ellipses.
"but she didn't see
eyes under a distant eve"
Is that eve as in evening, or eve as in eave/s--an overhang?
Beginning with the 6th stanza, the story really develops into something interesting. It's a shame you can't condense the first 5 stanzas. Your best lines are in stanzas 3 and 4. The second half of the poem has a lot of potential. And I tell you this because I know you are a poet who is constantly seeking to improve his poetry, and I admire you for that.
Jennifer Cabout 19 years agoLiked this one alot,
Nicely set out,
good wording and
thought provoking!
