Buffy Meets the Vampire Lestat

She stared at the vial, aghast. It was nearly gone! Shaking it, she wondered if there was enough left. She turned to Buffy and hissed, "My horny goatweed is missing!"

Buffy's brow wrinkled. "Your what?" she asked in a stage-whisper.

Across the circle, Anya opened one eye and peered out at them, her lips still moving as she chanted.

Willow shook the vial at Buffy, whispering, "This was full! I don't know if it will work without the whole amount!"

"Try, Will," Buffy said, shrugging one shoulder. "It's our only shot."

Willow turned back to the circle and saw Anya nudge Xander's hand away from her thigh. The young witch was eye-level with Xander's crotch and the bulge there was clearly defined. Willow lifted her eyes to Anya, startled, and saw the ex-vengeance demon looking worriedly at her with one eye. Willow glared and Anya snapped her eyes shut, chanting furiously.

At least I know who to blame for the end of the world if this doesn't work, Willow thought, knowing full-well what that amount of horny goatweed would do if given to a human being. She gritted her teeth as she sprinkled the last of the white powder into the bowl and began the spell, her voice resonant and commanding:

"In the name of Great Gaia, Mother of All,
From the green of her womb and the red of its walls,
Where the blood of the goddess is the blood of us all,
I summon your son who reigns for the fall."

Willow stood, offering the bowl heavenward, and then she turned it upside down onto the white sheet she had spread in the middle of the circle. She knelt and drew a symbol amongst the powders and herbs, and then stood, joining the circle again and saying:

"I beseech you, L'Orax, son of the great She,
Bring on your vengeance, smite our enemy!
I give you two hands and two eyes to see,
Truffulex, Truffulorem, so mote it be!

Willow began chanting with the rest of them, "animus no viscus," squeezing Buffy's hand and Spike's as well. If this didn't work, they were all doomed—the world would end in fire. For too long, there was nothing, and Willow heard the chanting begin to wane and saw the gang start to open their eyes and look around questioningly.

"Don't stop," Willow commanded, chanting louder, encouraging them. "Animus no viscus! Animus no viscus!" They caught her urgency and began to chant, louder and louder, the room filled with their nine voices speaking as one. Willow felt the tremble of the earth beneath her feet, and the sheet before them seemed to shimmer—then it began to glow and rise up into the air as if a figure were appearing beneath it. They all watched, stunned, their voices fading in fear and awe.

"Don't stop!" Willow cried again, and the sound of their chanting filled the room again as the light grew brighter before them, becoming nearly blinding. They all had to close their eyes against the light, so none of them saw the sheet twirling, gaining momentum, and then veering off into the circle, hitting its target with a force that no human could have withstood.

The circle was broken, and Spike lay under the sheet, batting and kicking at it and spitting herbs out of his mouth. Everyone turned to him, and Buffy helped him untangle himself and gave him a hand to let him stand.

"Bloody hell!" he cried, wiping his tongue off. "That stuff tastes awful, you damned witch!" He turned to Willow, and she saw it first, a brilliant light in his eyes that shone out like a thousand suns. It was so bright she had to shade her eyes to look at him.

"Spike?" Buffy saw it, too. She looked at Willow, her eyes questioning, but the witch just shrugged, making an "I don't know" face.

"I am the L'Orax!" Spike's voice rumbled from deep within his chest. "I speak for the trees!"

Xander pointed, covering his mouth. "Oh my god. I was right. It's the Dr. Seuss guy."

Willow gave him a withering look. "Dr. Seuss saves the world? I don't think so, Xander."

"What happened, Willow?" Buffy hissed. "Why is it in Spike? Wasn't it supposed to appear in its own body?"

"I am the L'Orax, I speak for the trees!" Spike said again, in that same loud voice.

"Yeah, you said that already." Faith sighed.

"I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues! I have come at your bidding, I have heard your sad songs!"

"It's speaking in verse," Dawn said, and she couldn't help smiling.

"Just like Dr. Seuss," Xander pointed out, his awe and amusement almost making him forget about the never-ending erection still tenting his pants.

"Well, Spike was a poet at one time," Giles remarked, staring at the white-haired vampire.

"I have come at your call, I will do what you say
I only have a short time, we must be away!"

Spike's eyes faded slightly, enough that the group could look at him, and they saw his real presence flicker across his face. "What the sodding hell was that? Was I... was I just speaking in rhyme?"

Everyone nodded, except for Louis, who just leaned on his cane and watched them all with a curious expression.

"I think it's possessed Spike," Willow explained.

"That's bloody obvious, you bint!" Spike exclaimed, clenching his fists.

"With the shortage of horny goatweed," the Wiccan said, glaring over at Anya and Xander. "And with Oz not making it back in time with the milk of Gaia, I don't think there was enough power for it to manifest in its own form."

"I'm almost certain that's the case," Giles agreed, still studying Spike's face, his glasses riding up on his wrinkled nose. "It's rather lucky. I think Spike was probably the only being in the room that could contain something as grand as an elemental demon."

"Well, that's something, then," Spike said with a smile, puffing up his chest.

Xander snorted. "It's only because you're not breathing, dead boy."

"Can it still fight the Chur N'Byl?" Buffy asked, turning to Willow.

"I don't know," she answered with a little shrug. "Maybe we should ask it?"

They all turned to Spike, who was still wiping herbs off of his black t-shirt and jeans.

He looked at them, frowning. "What?" The light in his eyes was more dim now, but definitely still there. "Oh, no! I'm not gonna play host for this thing."

Spike turned to Buffy, pleading with his eyes. "Don't you think I have enough in my bloody head that doesn't belong there!?"

"I'm going to just let that slide right on by." Xander pursed his lips.

"I rather believe you don't have much choice, Spike," Giles replied.

"Uh... Mr.... uh, L'Orax demon?" Buffy said, looking from one of Spike's eyes to the other. There was no response.

"Try rhyming," Dawn suggested, biting her lip.

Buffy gave her a quelling look and then turned back to Spike. "I guess it's worth a shot. Is anyone good at rhyming?"

"We called you great L'Orax to help with the Chur N'Byl," Willow began, realizing too late that nothing rhymed with the demon's name. She quickly added: "Demon."

Buffy made a "go on" motion with her hand and Willow continued. "Uh... Please tell us your bidding, because we are just laymen."

Xander groaned. "Lame is right."

"Well, you try it, then!" Willow spat, turning back to look at Spike to see if it had worked.

Spike's eyes began to glow as the demon came forth. For a moment, they could see the vampire struggling to keep the demon in check, and then he began to speak in rhyme:

"Chur N'Byl is a foe humans cannot defeat
His power is total, his destruction complete."

"We know!" Faith rolled her eyes. "Tell us something useful, alright?"

The demon inside Spike looked at the girl as if it didn't understand her.

"I think we actually have to rhyme for it to hear us," Willow said.

"Hey demon guy, we want you to defeat this big bad," Xander said. "We know where he is, and... we'd be real glad."

Willow rolled her eyes. "And you said mine was bad?"

"I will do as you ask and fill your request
I require the payment of Gaia's own breast."

They looked at each other, knowing that Oz still hadn't returned.

"Would you take an I.O.U.?" Buffy asked, making a face, knowing the demon couldn't understand her if she wasn't rhyming. At least, that was the theory.

Dawn went to the window and peered through the filmy curtain. She called to them excitedly, looking relieved, "Hey, I see Oz's van!"

Willow's jaw relaxed for the first time in hours. "Thank god," she whispered, rushing to the door. She opened it and peered out, but didn't see her boyfriend. A few steps across the lawn revealed the travel mug spilled on the cement, and she noticed his driver's side door was open.

"Buffy!" Willow screamed, her eyes wide and panicked and she flew back into the house. "Buffy, something's happened to Oz!"

Buffy held her friend by the upper arms, looking into her eyes. "Tell me. What?"

"I don't know," Willow cried. "His van is there, but the door is open and the Milk of Gaia is all over the ground."

Xander slapped his forehead. "Let's just pretend there was a 'spilled milk' joke, for my sake, ok?"

"Will, stay here," Buffy said, giving Xander a murderous look. "Faith and I will go check it out. Whatever happened, Oz is going to be ok. I promise."

Faith nodded as Buffy signaled to her and they went out the front door together. Willow stood there, wringing her hands. Xander pulled her close, giving her a one armed hug as they watched the front door for the Slayers' reappearance.

"Um... Giles," Dawn whispered into the Watcher's ear, looking ill. "There's something I found out just before we started... that I didn't know how to tell..."

He turned to the young girl, his eyes alarmed. "What is it, Dawn?"

She bit her lip, her eyes on Willow. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know how to tell you. I translated it just before we started the spell, and I didn't want to break your concentration..."

"What, Dawnie?" Willow demanded, grabbing the girl and shaking her. "What?!"

Tears spilled over Dawn's cheeks. "The spell to summon the Chur N'Byl says that they need... they need..." Her voice cracked and she lowered head, her long hair covering her face.

"What!?" Willow screamed at her, shaking her again.

Dawn sobbed out, "They need the testicles of a werewolf."

Willow's eyes went pitch black and she turned toward the front door.

*****

The room was dark, although with his acute vision, he could still see a great deal more than most humans. There was a desk, a few chairs, a filing cabinet. He was tied to a chair in some sort of office, he surmised, most definitely at the nuclear waste plant. The smell was unmistakable. He could move again, and he worked his wrists in the rope, considering turning wolf to break loose, but discarding the idea. They clearly wanted him wolf, and he didn't know if he could turn back if he went over.

He heard voices outside the door and went limp, feigning sleep. Light spilled into the room from the hallway, and he heard someone shuffling toward him. He felt something cold being fastened around his neck, and while the ropes that bound him to the chair were loosened, his hands were left tied behind his back.

"Come," the voice said, yanking, and Oz heard a "snick" sound as the choke-chain tightened around his throat. He gagged. "My master has need of you now."

Oz looked down at the man. He was small and hunched, his face a twisted mass of scars. His voice was slurred through his crooked mouth. It was the man they had seen on the Internet, the one possessed by The Bane of Gaia.

"Listen, I know what they are going to do to me," Oz said. He'd deduced that much from his brief interaction with Dru and Lestat. "Do you know what they are planning to do to you?"

The man frowned up at him. "I have no need to question the Master's bidding. He is working to raise the Chur N'Byl. We will all soon peer upon his exalted face."

Oz followed him down the hallway. The smell of toxic waste was growing stronger. "I don't think you quite understand. Raising this demon means the end of the world. That means the end of you, too, guy. Or didn't they tell you that in demon school?"

"As long as I can bask in the glow of His light for a moment, I will be at peace," the man grunted, yanking on the chain. Oz choked again as he was propelled forward.

"They're going to kill you long before that," Oz rasped, his eyes watering. "They need your heart to complete the summoning spell. You'll never see the Chur N'Byl."

"You lie." The man stopped, narrowing his eyes, the chain growing slack.

"Why would I lie?" Oz asked, his eyes shining with their usual frank, open light. "An old friend of yours told me. Rupert Giles."

The man's eyes widened and he stepped back from the werewolf. Even in the dim light Oz could see him go white. The hunched man turned and pulled on the chain with full force, barreling down the hallway toward his destination. Oz tripped along behind him, hanging onto a glimmer of hope.

*****

"Will!" Xander grabbed Willow's shoulders and shook her hard. The witch's dark eyes focused on him and she sent him flying across the room with a look. He slammed into the wall with a thud.

"Listen to me," Anya growled, grabbing Willow by the hair and pulling her around. "You touch him again and I'll drop a house on you!"

Willow smiled, reminding her, "You don't have demon powers anymore, Anya."

"Enough!" Louis raised his hand and Willow stopped, frozen in the gesture that would surely have sent Anya flying after her boyfriend into the wall. "Young lady, I appreciate your concern for the laconic wolf man, but we do not have time for this." Willow's eyes were clearing. "We must find Lestat and stop this travesty that he intends to initiate."

"He's right," Giles said, touching Willow's shoulder. She turned her eyes to him. They were the only things she could move.

"Do you intend to do anyone harm?" Louis peered into the young Wiccan's eyes, seeing the humanity returning to them. Willow tried to answer him and couldn't. Louis waved his hand and she sighed, her body relaxing. There were tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she gasped, looking helplessly at Xander, who was rubbing the back of his head.

"Between Buffy and Faith using me as a punching bag, I'm used to it," Xander replied, wincing. At least the pain took his mind off his aching crotch. He was still so stiff it felt like he had a steel rod in his pants, and every time he looked at Anya, he wanted to bend her over the nearest surface.

"He's gone!" Buffy stormed into the front door, followed closely by Faith. "There's no body."

Willow bit her lip, tears falling down her cheeks.

"That's a good thing, Will," Buffy told her, squeezing her friend's shoulder. "It means we still have a chance to save him, but we need to go—now."

"Did anybody get through to the Grinch over there?" Faith asked, waving her hand at Spike. The light in his eyes had dimmed to a faint glow.

"I want this thing outta my head," Spike insisted, glaring at Willow.

Willow noticed for the first time that Buffy was holding the travel mug that Oz had left with this afternoon. Had it just been this afternoon? She held her hand out for it and Buffy gave it to her. Willow looked into the cup—there was a small amount left in the bottom!

"Maybe this is enough?" Willow asked, turning toward Spike.

"We'll take him along and keep trying," Buffy said. "Willow, do you have keys to Oz's van?"

The redhead nodded, reaching into her pocket. "Here." She handed the keys to Xander. "You drive. I'll climb in the back with Captain Peroxide over here and try to reach the L'Orax."

"Are you sure you can rhyme well enough?" Xander asked as Anya rubbed the back of his head where a large knot was growing. He turned to her, the lust in him like a fire. "Ahn," he said, his voice husky, his eyes dipping down to her breasts.

"I think you should stay here, Anya," Willow said, stepping between the two of them and glaring at the ex-vengeance demon. "Xander, you've had enough horny goatweed to give a horse an erection for a week."

"What?" he asked, his brow wrinkling. Anya looked at the floor.

"Anya gave it to you," Willow said. "Didn't you?"

"I just meant to use a little," she said in a small voice. "It was an accident."

"The world is going to end because you wanted to get laid?!" Buffy exclaimed, her mouth agape. "Anya, you stay here with Dawn. Everyone else, come with me."

"Hey!" Dawn cried, immediately sullen. "Not fair!"

"You can come next time," Buffy told her sister, touching her cheek. "When it's not all so total annihilation–ey."

Dawn and Anya, each with perfectly matching pouts, watched from the window as the rest of the Scooby gang climbed into the van and took off into the night.

*****

Oz closed his eyes and chanted, willing the wolf to stay at bay. He had gained great control over the beast in the past few years and, with the help of the talisman around his neck, had even managed to keep from turning during a full moon. The beating he had undergone in the last half an hour had threatened several times to unleash his own personal hell, but so far, he had kept the beast contained.

"See spot jump," Dru said in her singsong voice, watching Lestat's deformed lackey bring the whip down again on the man's bloody back. Oz gritted his teeth, straining against the manacles around his wrists that were attached to the wall above his head, repeating the mantra again and again to himself.

"Hasn't he turned yet?" Lestat asked, coming into the room. "We need those testicles!"

"Are you sure he needs to be in wolf form?" the deformed man panted. His arm was tired from beating the werewolf.

"Not taking any chances," Lestat said, turning Oz's face to look into his eyes. The blackness there was encouraging. "It's working. Keep going."

The hunched man sighed, lifting the whip again.

"Jump, Spot, jump," Dru murmured, watching with bright eyes.

"Master?" Lestat turned back as the man with the twisted face addressed him. "I... I will look on the face of Chur N'Byl, yes?"

Lestat's eyes narrowed as he looked back at him. "If you get that wolf to change, you can dance the tango with the big demon if you want. Hurry, man!"

"Yes, Master." The whip came down again, and Oz groaned.

"Look, Spot, look," Dru whispered, standing next to the beaten man, her eyes following down the curve of his throat. He looked so tasty.

"Dru, don't play with your food," Lestat sighed, watching the woman trace her long black nails over the young man's neck.

"Look!" she breathed again, and Oz twisted, trying to get away from her, understanding at last. She grasped the talisman and yanked at it. The thin leather strap broke and she held it up for Lestat to see.

"Give me that!" Oz yelled, feeling his meditative state slipping.

Dru giggled, tossing the talisman away into the corner. "Fetch, Spot, fetch."

Lestat smiled, seeing the chained man's eyes darken even further, his face becoming more canine by the moment. "Oh, Dru," the vampire petted her head. "You are an evil, mad little genius, aren't you?"

Oz howled, feeling his humanity giving way to the wolf. It came unbidden, because of the pain in his body, his own failure to deliver his promise to Willow, the bleakness of his situation, and mostly, his utter rage. He wanted to tear them all apart. He strained at the manacles, bending them with his enormous strength. His thoughts turned murderous, and he could smell flesh all around him.

The werewolf ripped one manacle off the wall, his claws slashing toward the female vampire, nearly reaching her face. Dru giggled, her eyes bright. The hunched man took a small tube out of his pocket, putting it to his mouth and blowing a dart into the werewolf's back. It roared, turning and twisting in the one bent manacle holding it's front paw. They watched as it began to weaken, its eyes growing glazed, its jaws slack.