A Benign Something

I closed my eyes and sighed, bringing my hands to hers, and turned in her arms. We stood facing each other, gently running our hands over the other's breasts. And, as my breathing became shallower, I felt my body lean forward until my face was above one small, pert nipple. My mouth opened, and when my lips touched her taut flesh, we both moaned softly.

At first, I nursed quietly, softly sucking, but she sighed heavily and brought her hand between my legs, rubbing hard and feeling her way into my body. When her long fingers penetrated me, my jaw dropped and I clung to her.

"Oh... God," I moaned.

With her fingers still inside me, Gayle carefully rotated our bodies and laid me back onto the bed, while she kneeled on the floor. Instinctively, I pulled my legs back, grasping behind my knees, as she continued to massage deep inside my vagina. She pushed her fingers deeper still, and, as I watched, Gayle leaned forward and pressed her open mouth against me, dragging her tongue up across my clit. My eyes slowly closed and my jaw dropped, as her warm lips began sucking and licking.

My head fell back onto the mattress, and I groaned at what she was doing to my body. A steady tingling sensation, a deep warmth, was growing between my legs. My breathing was coming quicker, and my heart pounded. I winced, when she took my clit between her lips and pulled, flicking her tongue rapidly across the sensitive nub. My back arched off the bed, and I cried out. My body was trembling, and sweat rolled down the side of my face, but Gayle didn't stop. And, when I could no longer hold my legs up, my fingers let loose, and I gripped the sheets tightly, clenching my fists.

"Oh, Jesus!" I cried out.

Gayle pushed my legs apart, as they dangled off the edge of the bed, moaning herself and wiggling her tongue into my body, snaking it around inside me and licking my warm, wet walls.

I began gasping, holding her head between my hands, sighing and saying her name over and over. And, with each cry of her name, I could feel her suck harder and moan, sending a muffled hum across my vagina. Then her hands come under my thighs and pushed my legs up and apart. Gayle pulled me closer so that my ass was perched at the edge of the bed, and her hands slid down and spread the soft globes.

For a moment, her mouth broke contact with my body, and I ran a hand across my face, wiping away the sweat and hair, trying to finally catch my breath. I lifted my weary head and peered down at Gayle kneeling between my legs. Even in the soft glow of the candlelight, I could see the lower half of her face glistening with moisture.

I felt her fingers move closer to my anus, her thumbs coming to stop on either side of it. I started breathing hard again, and my body began trembling. She brushed her thumb over the sensitive circle of tight flesh, and I lightly gasped, gripping the sheets tighter. Then her thumbs pulled apart, gently flowering my anus. I grit my teeth, as a slight stinging sensation pricked at me. Gayle lowered her face and opened her mouth, and, when I felt her lips seal around my anus, I dropped my head to the bed once more and moaned loudly.

At first, she only licked, dragging her tongue across the tight pink circle, and each time, my body would instinctively tense. The more she did it, however, the more my muscles began to tire, and very soon, they relaxed entirely. When Gayle seemed to sense this, she began pushing her tongue into me. My body tried to block the intruder, but couldn't. And, when she reached up with her thumb to gently massage my clit, my body gave up all resistance.

I don't know how much time passed, but Gayle at last pulled away from my body and rolled me onto my stomach. She had me get on my hands and knees, while she stood behind, and then pushed what seemed like her entire hand into my vagina. My head shot up, and I nearly screamed, when she reached her other hand below and began roughly massaging my clit. As she pumped her fingers in and out of my vagina, I could feel it contract, gripping her fingers like a velvet glove every time she went to withdraw them.

Gayle was fucking me hard with her hand, pushing me across the bed, until finally she had to join me on the mattress, kneeling alongside my body, as she continued her assault.

I cried out continuously, begging her to stop, but at the same time moaning loudly at the pleasure she was giving me. It was quickly becoming more stimulation than I could take, more than I'd ever had, and my back pumped up and down, as my head dropped between my shoulders, and my body was racked with a powerful orgasm. But Gayle's hands never left me. Even as I fell to the bed, lying prostrate on my stomach, twitching and moaning, tears forming in my eyes, she continued to stimulate me. But, when she knew I could take no more, the feverish activity of her hands slowly ebbed, until at last it stopped altogether.

I lay on the bed panting loudly and gasping for air, my arms and legs sprawled out across the mattress, while Gayle gently ran her hands across my back. She brought them to my shoulders and eased me over. She was smiling and brushed the hair from my face, lowering her body next to mine and resting her head against her elbow. Her fingers lightly touched my chin and pulled my faced toward hers.

"How was it?" she asked with a soft smile.

Still trying to catch my breath, I managed to nod.

"Good," I breathed.

"Want something to drink?" she asked.

With some effort, I nodded again.

"Be right back," she said, patting her hand on my chest.

I could still only nod in reply.

Gayle slipped off the bed and walked across the room, disappearing into the dark hallway. I pushed myself onto my elbows and groaned. I felt completely used up, utterly exhausted, but managed to drag my body to the head of the bed, falling back onto a heap of pillows.

I ran my hands over my face and sighed. Part of me was still reeling from the fact that I'd just had sex with another woman, but standing starker in my mind was the notion of finally being satisfied, as if a void in my life had been filled to overflowing. Not a carnal or physical void, but one of an almost spiritual and emotional nature. In short, I felt loved again.

I dragged my fingers down my face, and, when I opened my eyes, Gayle was walking into the room holding two cups. I pushed myself upright, as she sat on the edge of the bed, handing me one.

"Just water," she whispered, taking a sip of her own.

I looked down and swirled the cup, causing the two little ice cubes inside to clatter and jostle. Then I brought it to my lips and gulped it down. When the cup was emptied, I lowered it and the ice cubes slipped to the bottom with a clink. I glanced at Gayle and she smiled.

"Pretty thirsty there," she said, reaching for my cup.

I handed it to her, and she asked if I wanted more, but I slowly wagged my head from side to side.

"Ok," she softly replied, and set both our cups on the nightstand.

Gayle stood and walked around to the other side of the bed, crawling onto the mattress next to me. I turned to face her, and together we lay side by side, gently caressing the other. But soon, our hands began further exploring, winding their way down our bodies, and, as if by instinct, we both raised our legs, allowing the other access. We scooted closer, closer until the tips of our breasts touched and we could feel the heavy breathing of the other person sweep across our cheek. As I curled my fingers around her warm sex, carefully rubbing my palm against her, her hand slithered up my torso, landing on my face. Then she closed her eyes and pushed her lips to mine.

We kissed softly.

"I love you," she whispered and kissed me again, pressing her tongue between my teeth. I pursed my lips around it and sucked, and we both moaned. Gayle moved her waist closer to mine, causing one of my fingers to lodge at the mouth of her vagina. She suddenly exhaled hard on my face, and her body went rigid, as her hand gripped the back of my neck and pulled me closer.

"Yes," she sighed heavily, gently pushing her hips against my hand, slipping my finger deeper into her body. It was the first time I'd ever been inside another person, and it felt so absolutely foreign to me. All my life, when my hand came between another's legs, there was something for me to hold onto, something to grasp, something long and rigid, an outward expression of their desire for me. I didn't have to guess and wonder about their feelings. Their body was telling me. Telling me, at least, there was a carnal lust, but not how they felt about me as a person. It didn't mean he loved me, only that he was sexually aroused. When I came home with the man I'd met at the bar, he kept telling me to make a noise, some sort of indication that he was pleasing me, but all I could do was grunt, though not because I relished what he was doing, but because I found no pleasure in being used to satiate his sexual longings. I moaned and grunted only because I wanted it to end.

I tried to turn my gaze down between us, down to where my finger penetrated her body. Gayle was taking short, quick breaths, clinging to me and holding her head far back, stretching her slender neck. She seemed on fire, the inside of her body so very warm, almost hot to the touch. And then I started sweating, wondering if this was only a carnal lust she had for me, saying she loved me, but meaning my body and how she found sexual pleasure in it. But it didn't seem right. It didn't make sense. This was unimaginably different what we were doing. It was nothing like the mere simple act of intercourse I had with that empty man.

I slipped another finger into her and she gasped again, her body jerking tightly and her fingernails digging into my back. I carefully pulled away from Gayle, but kept my fingers inside her vagina, curling them and letting the tips massage her soft walls. And, as if paralyzed, her body remained taut, when she rolled onto her back, her head still craned and her jaw hanging open.

I gazed down her body. Her small breasts laid almost flat, only the sharp nipples breaking the plain of her chest, and her ribs pushed through her skin, as her stomach hollowed in and out every time she breathed. And her knees were pulled back and spread wide.

"Fuck me," she gasped wearily.

I looked to her face, but her eyes were still closed, her full lips pursed in a tight circle. And, like her stomach, her cheeks puffed with every breath.

"Please," she pleaded.

My heart started beating faster, my eyes darting up and down her body. The hand between her legs began moving quicker, desperately trying to stimulate her, pushing as deep into her body as it could, smearing its wet palm against her mound, seeking out her tiny point of pleasure. Gayle suddenly gasped and stuttered. She was trying to speak. Her hands instantly flew to mine, clasping it and pumping it in and out of her vagina.

"Oh Christ!" she cried, arching her back far off the bed and thrusting her hips upward.

My eyes went wide and my heart fluttered wildly. I sat up quickly and leaned over her torso, pushing my mouth to a nipple, sucking the tiny stub, raking my teeth over it, chewing and biting. We were both crying and moaning loudly. Her hand furiously worked mine between her legs, stabbing herself with it, grunting with each thrust. On the outward stroke, I slipped two more fingers into the path, and when she felt the added girth enter her body, Gayle's back suddenly dropped and she shot upright until she was nearly sitting. She wrapped her arm around my head, holding my mouth to her breast, her long hair tousled all about my face, while together we worked my hand into her as she sat on it, grinding her hips and trying to bounce up and down.

Gayle's face was resting on my forehead. She was panting hard, her sweet breath washing down across me, and her voice almost vacant, as she squeaked and blubbered my name, cursing and crying at the same time. She brought both hands around my body and held me tightly to her, as she rocked us back and forth.

"oh... oh, Jesus... oh my god..."

I pushed my free hand between us and pinched the plump flesh of her breast, sucking it into my open mouth. Gayle groaned above and kissed my forehead, all the while riding my hand in a frenzy.

"God, that feels so good," she whimpered.

It sounded almost as if she was crying, and I carefully released my grip on her breast, easing her back onto the pillows again. As I sat up, I looked to her face and saw tears streaming down her cheeks, her eyes but tiny shimmering slits. She tried to smile, but only choked and coughed. I pulled my hand from between her legs and leaned closer, thinking I had somehow hurt her.

"You ok?" I asked nervously.

Gayle's lips formed another small circle, as she tried to catch her breath and smile at the same time. Her head slowly jittered up and down, while her body continued to spasm and tremble. Then she took my hand in hers and pulled it to her face. Her hands were visibly shaking, but she was still trying to smile. She gingerly kissed my hand, the one that had been inside her body, and then placed it against her cheek, holding it in place with both of hers and closing her eyes with an exhausted sigh.

Half an hour later, we stood together in the shower once more, but this time without the trepidation that had plagued us before. We openly kissed and embraced under the water, and, though weary, seemingly charged with a new sense of energy, a different type altogether. Our bodies were weak, but our minds full of life.

Afterwards, we walked back to the bedroom and climbed into bed, falling asleep next to one another. It was the first time in so long that I felt like my old self again, the person I had once been in the not so distant past. It felt good to be back amongst the living.

In the morning, I awoke groggy and my body aching, but still retaining that same sense of newness. I stretched and smiled and looked to Gayle's side of the bed. She wasn't there. I exhaled with a long sigh, as my body relaxed, and then I pushed myself up and forced my legs to carry me to the door.

As I crept down the hallway, I could see the light of day flooding into the living room ahead. The television was on, but playing softly. Moving closer, I first saw her arm, then the side of her face and shoulders, as she sat curled up on a reclining chair. Gayle was resting her head against her elbow and watching television, when I stepped into view. From the corner of her eye, she saw me and lifted her head, turning and giving me a warm smile.

"Morning, sleepy," she said softly, taking a sip from a mug she held in her hand.

I shaded my eyes from the light and smile.

"Hey," I whispered, stepping over to her.

Gayle picked up the remote control from her lap and pointed it toward the television. I looked over and watched as she lowered the volume, and then kneeled on the floor in front of her, placing a hand on her leg.

"Get enough sleep?" she asked, blowing over the top of her mug and taking another drink.

I nodded. "What time is it?" I asked, brushing the hair from my eyes and looking about the room.

"Almost noon," she replied.

Groaning, I dropped my face to the cushion of her chair, rolling my head from side to side.

"God, I'm beat," I sighed with a chuckle.

I lifted my head and she smiled again.

"Me, too," she replied.

Her legs still curled up on the chair, I leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her knee, then rested my chin on it, grinning up at her.

A short time later, we were in her bedroom getting dressed. As I sat on the edge of the bed tying my shoes, she stood by her dresser, pushing her arms into a sweater and pulling it down over her head. Then she turned and reached up behind her head, fluffing her hair and tying it into a ponytail.

"I want you to do something for me," she said with her chin pulled down to her neck, as she fumbled with a rubber band in her hair.

"What's that?" I replied, dropping my foot to the floor and clapping my hands to my knees happily.

Gayle brought her hands down and brushed them together, and then placed them behind her on the dresser and leaned back. My smile quickly faded, when I saw the expression on her face, something of a serious nature in it. I swallowed and watched, as her eyes dropped to the floor and she draped one foot over the other.

"You're not a lesbian," she said softly. "And I understand that. But I want you to know something, Jess." Then she raised her eyes to mine, and I quickly nodded, rubbing my hands on my knees. Gayle cleared her throat and folded her arms.

"I need to be very clear on this," she stated firmly. Then she paused and took a deep breath, saying, "I'm not interested in a one night stand."

I blinked and nodded. "Ok," I mumbled nervously.

She kept staring straight at me, unflinching.

"But you're not a lesbian," she replied in a tone I'd used at school many times or at home with my daughter.

My fingers gripped my knees and I nodded again.

"I know," I quietly said.

She took another breath and looked down at the floor. Gayle turned her eyes up to mine and twisted her lips from side to side, as if she were mulling something over.

"Do you?" she asked.

I held my palms up plaintively. "Gayle," I said. "Look... Yeah, I under-..."

But she waved her hand and cut me off.

"No, I don't think you do," she said. "Listen to what I'm saying, ok?"

I shrugged and dropped my hands with a huff, darting my eyes around the room, a little confused by her sudden change in demeanor.

"Gayle, I..."

"You're not a lesbian," she said sternly, leaning forward.

My heart was pounding, and I felt myself on the verge of tears.

"You know what I'm saying?" she said. "You're not a lesbian, and I am, and I'm not interested in a one night stand or hiding behind a curtain, sneaking around with you, hoping your neighbors or the people you work with don't see us together. I'm a lesbian and I don't give a shit who knows it. But you're not. See the problem?"

A tear started rolling down my cheek, and I reached up, quickly wiping it away.

"I know," I mumbled, trying hard not to burst into tears. But my emotions took control, and the gates were opened. Tears started streaming down my face and my mouth contorted.

"So... So what're you saying?" I asked. "You... You're not... What? You're not interested in me or something?"

Gayle sighed and tilted her head, as she gazed at me with sincere sympathy.

"It's not that, sweetie," she said, stepping over to sit next to me on the bed. She pulled my hand to her face and kissed it.

"I am interested in you. Very much, but..." Then she looked away, holding my hand to her chest. Her eyes turned to mine, and she tried to smile.

"I wanna be in a relationship with you," she whispered, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. "I'm ready to do it. The thing is, are you?"

I swiped my fingers under my eyes and nodded.

"Yeah," I said. "I think so."

Gayle sighed and slowly shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Jess, but 'I think so' isn't good enough for me. You need to know so. You need to know exactly what you want and exactly what you're getting into. I do want you, and I want to be in a loving relationship with you. I want it for the long-term, ok? I meant it, when I said you were someone I could fall in love with." Then she kissed my hand again. "I am in love with you. But what I'm asking of you isn't just a matter of whom you sleep with. It's not like I'm asking you to wear a different pair of shoes or change some superficial part of who you are. You see what I'm saying? It's bigger than that."

I wiped my nose and chuckled, thinking of how similar this conversation was to the one Rachel and I had when she told me she was a lesbian.