- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Late Correspondence
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Click herefor the family of Daniel Methvin
Night, clear and terrible night
thrilled with innumerable suns:
now, we practically live there.
Daniel, where are you?
i'm guarding a hospital full of iraqui children
Daniel, where are you?
look for me in the eyes of my child
help my wife
*
Daniel, after your funeral I dreamed
you had a letter in your pocket.
You took it out to hand it to me.
it hardly hurt at all
Two months later
it came:
should i not come home
i’ll be with you still
in the stars
~
- COMMENTS
The Muttalmost 19 years agoYes! Starts simply and builds to a nose-bloodying punch. This one got me good. It helps me to see that every one of those numbers I hear on the nightly casualty reports is a real person who leaves a huge hole when he is gone. I will look at the stars tonight.
Thanks.
btw- I don't vote or use therms.
sackover 19 years agoAnything you do is touched with gold, I would only delete the second "night" in the first line...the poem is a little tighter without it.
Maria2394over 19 years agothis gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes. I cannot even watch the news without feeling the same way. A wonderful, powerful poem. excellent work
annaswirlsover 19 years agovery powerful, I like the switch from the first half to the second, and the switch to the imagined letter to the real one. unimaginable
impressiveover 19 years agoI've never had a poem move me to tears until this one. Exceptionally fine work, foehn. ~Imp
jthserraover 19 years agolike words fallen out of time, intimated how it must feel to receive that letter shortly after the funeral. The very form of the poem put me into that odd confusion. Nicely done...
jim : )
Reltneover 19 years ago. . . I am sure you are, by being there, and writing this. It is very moving.
From a purely poetic construction POV however, you might consider dropping the "help my wife". It is (IMHO), a little mundane after the brillance of the proceeding line.
"look for me in the eyes of my child"
twelveooneover 19 years agoVery simple, very powerful
"look for me in the eyes of my child
help my wife"
